Latoilette Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I am 23, and she's 25. I am Korean-American, moved here back in the 1994. She's a graduate student from Korea and we've been dating for about 4 months. I am in real tight budget, b/c I am a college student with two jobs and loans to pay for living expenses like, food,car,apt,tuition, etc... I make about $800 a month. There are a few things that bother me. 1. She ask me to buy her stuff randomly. All of a sudden, she will say "i need this, I need that" If i don't buy this thing, she gets all pissy. I did confront her about once, and says "if a guy like a girl, he will natually buy her stuff" 2. She "expects" me to pay for everything. Movies, dinner, traveling expenses. last week, we were gonna go shopping at 6pm. She calls me about 3:00pm asking what's for dinner. I say we are gonna grab some food at the food court. Then, she "demands" that she wants to go eat at this expensive Japanese place. When we get there, she orders $25.00 meal. And this is not a special occasion. Then at the mall, she "demands" that I buy her this bubble bath soap, lotion, and clothes + movie ticket I ended up spending over $70 on this girl on this day. Do you guys think she's spoiled or am i a cheapass or some of both?
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I'm of the type that believes that if you are on a shoestring budget with school loans and a not so large income then spending money frivilous is poor money management.. Talk with her about it.. it is a toughy to mention without looking cheap but you have to.. She needs to understand that you are not made of money and that you are not cheap..
johan Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 It's all her. Don't let her push you around. But if you don't, then don't be surprised to find her with someone else. And then don't feel too bummed about it.
bunnzy Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Girls should not 'expect' thier boys to spoil them, but boys should spoil thier girls. That does not mean blowing a budget however. Sit down with her let her know your financial situation and your budget. If she doesnt understand and still demands treats which you cannot afford you must break it off to avoid getting into debt. Does this girl have her own job and her own money?
ms_jnj Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I know what it's like to be on a tight budget....being in graduate school now myself. I'm female and I think a good compromise is to trade off...she buys dinner tonight at a place of your choice and the next night you buy dinner at a place of her choice. Same with movie tickets. As far as the bubble bath goes...she can buy that herself. It would be a cute, romantic surprise if you picked her up a small (read:inexpensive) gift just to surpise her with when she came to see you after a long day....say....bubble bath! But really, not every time you are out, but more as a rare treat. She has no right to demand you buy her anything. I think you need to have a frank talk with her about all of this and set up some guidelines about paying for things when you are out together...I mean if she leaves you because you won't foot the entire bill 100% of the time...well then can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone like that? Good luck!
filarena Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I don't think you should let things continue as they are. You may want to give her the benefit of the doubt and find out if she's just really naive and truly thinks money spent = love as opposed to her just being a plain old gold-digger. If she's insisting on you spending money b/c she thinks that if you don't, you don't care, you need to explain to her that you do care but you can't afford to be spending this way. If she's simply that obsessed with material goods, she's not worth spending any amount of money on.
slubberdegullion Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 It sure sounds like she's got an issue with materialism and entitlement. Now, I wouldn't personally say that you can't afford it; rather, I'd say that buying her stuff (especially at the rate you're going) is not a good use of your limited resources right now. If she continues to get all nasty, then it's pretty clear that she's using you as a bank and not much else. So either nip this in the bud right away - like, today, not tomorrow - or let her find someone else to buy her stuff and treat her man like crap.
Author Latoilette Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 thank you for all the advices. she has a full scholarship which is free tuition + $1000 a month + her family is supposedly fairly well off. sometimes i think she's using me, but she's nice to me sometimes too. For example, she would cook dinner for me (which doesn't cost much at all), but every single time we go to a place (that requires money) i HAVE to pay. I had a talk with her today, but she claims she doesn't "USE" me. she said the following: -I dated older guys before and they bought me everything -I am used to guys buying me stuff b/c I'm pretty -I am not using you (i cooked dinner for you a few times) what is my next step?
melbourneboy Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 It sounds like shes asking a hell of a lot from u, does she ever pay for you? Whenever me and my girl go out she refuses for me to pay for anything because she knows im saving for a car. I do buy her Nice things every now and again but i dont think she should be demanding u to buy things for her She sounds a bit tight!
Enygmatic Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Well I can define it with just one word.... GOLDDIGGER!. I had girls like that and let me tell you that they last as much as your money last. Don't let her use you. Just be clear with her. If she doesn't like the idea that you are on a budget then just dump her anyway it will be her loss. Find a woman thats in love with you, not your money.
johan Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 ... -I dated older guys before and they bought me everything -I am used to guys buying me stuff b/c I'm pretty -I am not using you (i cooked dinner for you a few times) what is my next step? Your next step is to pay for what you think you should pay for. Decide for yourself. Relying on her judgment isn't working for you. Time to make your own decisions. She'll get bored and dump you, or she'll pout for a while and deal with it, or who knows. But whatever happens, you won't go broke.
Neptune Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Probably has a lot to do with her background. She is use to a certain level of lifestyle (expensive resturants and such). It is probably difficult for her to do the math. Mainly because it appears she feels she is worth it. You are doing the right thing to stop paying beyond your budget and let the chips fall where they may. She does appear spoiled.
Lights Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 I had a talk with her today, but she claims she doesn't "USE" me. she said the following: -I dated older guys before and they bought me everything -I am used to guys buying me stuff b/c I'm pretty -I am not using you (i cooked dinner for you a few times) what is my next step? Are you joking? Ditch the whore. Follow Johann's advice. -I dated older guys before and they bought me everything You aren't any of said guys. She hasn't figured that out yet? -I am used to guys buying me stuff b/c I'm pretty Who cares what she is used to? Not to mention, talk like this is little more than stating that she practices a form of thinly veiled prostitution.
Dookie_Dont Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 1. She ask me to buy her stuff randomly. All of a sudden, she will say "i need this, I need that" If i don't buy this thing, she gets all pissy. I did confront her about once, and says "if a guy like a girl, he will natually buy her stuff" 2. She "expects" me to pay for everything. Movies, dinner, traveling expenses. Yea ditch the chick.
RD37 Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I think it is a culture issue. Korean, Chinese, Japanese girls often expect to have things bought for them. I lived in Asia for a few years and dating is very different there.
slubberdegullion Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I think it is a culture issue. It may be; I had the same thought. But they're not living in Asia, they're living in North America now. When in Rome...
Hot Coco Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 She's not a nice person. A good girlfriend would take YOU out sometimes. She would not ask for things. That's very rude in my opinion. Rude and presumptous. Surely you can find a nicer girlfriend. I also agree that she is acting a bit like a prostitute.
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