cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Ok, here's the thing. I've decided that I was going to let go of this relationship due to his immature ways. I've been thinking a lot about him, and all of a sudden he just called me tonight. I didn't answer, and he called again. If I wanted to work it out, should I answer or return the call? Or should I just wait it out? Should I wait a few days? I don't want to make it seem like he could just call anytime and i'd be running back to him. I want him to realize that he cannot control me. what should i do?
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Don't play games.. if you want him back just pick up the phone and tell him.. But be honest with him and tell him what you need from him Good luck
StArGaZeR Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 As a guy, I couldn't agree more with Art_Critic. Just let him know the truth and stick to your guns. The important thing is to not make him wait, I hate the waiting game myself.
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Art_Critic said: Don't play games.. if you want him back just pick up the phone and tell him.. But be honest with him and tell him what you need from him Good luck You know its a pride thing. he was the dumper, but i was just curious about the call. He always did the NC, now it was my turn. I did the NC because i wanted it to be over, now I don't know. I don't know if i wanted to go back together, or I don't know if thats what he is really looking for. Or just a random call because he's lonely? I don't want to be used like that. Esp, the progress I made with myself during NC - been 2 months now.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 since he is calling you.. just come out with it.. no better way than to lay your cards on the table.. If he is only calling you to jack you around though.. don't make a play for him.
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 *StArGaZeR* said: As a guy, I couldn't agree more with Art_Critic. Just let him know the truth and stick to your guns. The important thing is to not make him wait, I hate the waiting game myself. Ok, as you are a guy; knowing our past relationship, I don't know if he just wants to provoke things to know that I still care about him. Thats all he needs to know, I always take the initiative for everything. he seems to not be in control of his decision. I scared to take the chance, well he left a really nasty message wondering why I'm ignoring him. If he wants to get back, he's got to show me more than this. It seems everytime he breaks up with me, he expects me to run back immediately whenever he calls. I just don't want him to think that. See why I'm contemplating answering his call? what do you think?
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Art_Critic said: since he is calling you.. just come out with it.. no better way than to lay your cards on the table.. If he is only calling you to jack you around though.. don't make a play for him. Yeah, art - thats what my instincts says. But I can't help the curiousity factor. I don't know if he's calling just to see if he's still in my radar and continue being as we are, or he's calling for something else.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 how many times has he broken up with you?.. my advice is about to change
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Art_Critic said: how many times has he broken up with you?.. my advice is about to change Well this would be the first "real" break-up. But in our past relationship, he thinks that he could just ignore me for a long period of time, and expects me to pick up on it. Once I do, he accuses me of "not understanding." So, because of him ignoring me for several days to weeks, I thought relationships were based on communication. Since that was lacking, I thought what he wanted was a break up. Once I say it, he gets upset. You see? So for the first time, he had initiated this break-up verbally. Then I would call, and he would do the whole NC thing with me. So, now I'm finally doing the NC in return.. Then I get this call with a nasty message. what would you do? on a guy's perspective.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 okay.. since it is your first real breakup.. then my advice from my first post stands. There is nothing wrong with telling someone what you want.. you are not coming from a position of weakness here.. If you make a play for him and he blows you off then if you continue to make a play for him you are coming from your weakness.. Talk to him Lay your cards on the table and get him to do the same
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Art_Critic said: okay.. since it is your first real breakup.. then my advice from my first post stands. There is nothing wrong with telling someone what you want.. you are not coming from a position of weakness here.. If you make a play for him and he blows you off then if you continue to make a play for him you are coming from your weakness.. Talk to him Lay your cards on the table and get him to do the same Its difficult art. I've tried really hard to making this relationship work. And he blows me off all the time, indirectly. He makes me chase him, so when I stopped, he's calling me. I think he's just trying to play games with me, but I want to know what the call is about. thanks for your advice. i'm still deciding.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Sounds like you are balancing if he is worth the effort... Telling..
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Art_Critic said: Sounds like you are balancing if he is worth the effort... Telling.. yes. I don't know if I do anymore. If he did this 2 weeks ago, I would call him back. now, I just don't want him to continue that I'd be his beck and call. I think I want him to make more of an effort to prove to me that he can't go on thinking that I'd be crying back whenever its up to his decision. He did this to me first, whenever I wanted to make things work or to talk about it, he would just ignore me and talk whenever he wants. It always up to him and not me. Now, that I'm showing him what he did to me; he's called. and still calling, never leaving messages. Well he left one, saying that I'm a stuck up b--ch for not calling him back. Should I just leave it alone?
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I would make a decision and make him stick to it.. if you decide you have had enough.. Tell him to blow off and never bother you again.. And you already know my advice if you decide that you haven't had enough Good luck..
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Art_Critic said: I would make a decision and make him stick to it.. if you decide you have had enough.. Tell him to blow off and never bother you again.. And you already know my advice if you decide that you haven't had enough Good luck.. thanks art!
StArGaZeR Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 He's being extremely selfish, talking about things only when he wants to? That's not what a man should do, and until he realizes that there's nothing you can do to try and fix it. It also sounds like he's been hurt in the past, I just get that feeling. Mabye he's testing you without knowing it? Either way I think you should do exactly as Art_Critic said, and that's to tell him exactly how you feel. Lay your cards out and it's up to him whether or not he wants to commit. If he doesn't you'll be able to tell because he will probably make something sound like it's your fault or ignore it.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 cynicalnlove said: thanks art! anytime.....
Author cynicalnlove Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 *StArGaZeR* said: He's being extremely selfish, talking about things only when he wants to? That's not what a man should do, and until he realizes that there's nothing you can do to try and fix it. It also sounds like he's been hurt in the past, I just get that feeling. Mabye he's testing you without knowing it? Either way I think you should do exactly as Art_Critic said, and that's to tell him exactly how you feel. Lay your cards out and it's up to him whether or not he wants to commit. If he doesn't you'll be able to tell because he will probably make something sound like it's your fault or ignore it. What is he trying to test though? that i'll stick around only on his terms? thats not fair. i'm afraid.. I'm scard that he'll do this to me again, and then i have to go through this thing again. I have been honest before, I have laid out all my cards on the table. He just never responds. He will responds only when he's ready without giving me any explanations that he needs time. I don't know. The more I think about it, the more i don't want him nearby. Its making me remembering the reasons why i don't want to work it out. But a part of me is saying, to try again.
lamento Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 if he's serious he'll come running if you vapourise for a while - don't let him think you're hanging for him - he'll just rub your nose in it..
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