mindofamarriedwoman Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I know to a lot of people it’s completely taboo and I know it's showing my friend no respect....and yes I knew that my actions would mean the end of a 20 year friendship, and that I would lose the respect of so many other friends and that it was not going to be an easy road. But...really...I truly feel that it was meant to be. There have been so many times that I've told myself....JUST STOP! Come to your senses! This is going to ruin everything for so many people...and it's going to make so many people upset but....yep...but...there was always a BUT.... In one thread of a similar nature, someone pointed out “it better be because he's your true love, it better be forever, it better be the one you've been waiting for...the one you want to marry etc”. Well, I can't say that we are going to run out and get married, but there is something so strong, so great that I was willing to deal with all the consequences...and all the pain and hurt I've caused, and the emotional rollercoaster has been hell, but still I could never walk away. And right now...yeah it does seem worth it. I've lost a friend but I've gained another relationship that gives me so much happiness, and seems to be what I've been looking for, for so long. But, the dust still hasn't settled. They were together for 11 years, and married for 3, and she is still hurting. She hates me more than words can say. She is talking about me to everyone, running me down, won't let him see their daughter. Her and I are total opposites and he says I give him everything that he was missing in his marriage. I always knew we were similar people (him and I) but never imagined there would be this kind of connection. As with this chat board, there has been mixed feelings amongst our friends and family. People have told me that I've done the lowest thing. But...in all defense, it was never done to hurt my friend. I still truly care about her and wish her happiness in her life, but I too want to be happy. I've had several unhappy relationships. If there is one thing we all want...that is to be happy! The time I've spent with my friend's ex has been some of the greatest times of my life. He is like a new person, so different from the person he was when he was with her, and I feel like I've found someone that is on my level in so many ways. We've anticipated everything that is happening and knew that it was not going to be easy, but when we are together, it's worth it. I've never been hung up on the physical side of it...(the left over's as someone put it), because every emotional relationship brings a new side to the physical relationship and I know that what we have is not 2nd to anything. It's unique because it's him and I. So...yes it's a "Jerry Springer" thing to do. But we aren't Jerry Springer people. We know that's it's not the best choice and that yes there's lots of people out there to date...but when you feel you have everything you are looking for right under your nose, are you really supposed to just turn the other cheek and disregard your own feelings for someone else's? What if I never found what we have again? Is that OK? Walk away to make someone else happy? We know how we feel, and can't make anyone really understand, because to other people it just seems selfish and tacky and cruel and disrespectful, but that's never been our intentions...only our own happiness. Is it still so wrong? Another problem is that people think I should really try and talk to her, to try and explain, but what can I say? How I can justify what I've done to her. She won't understand. I should have been there for her at the time that her marriage was ending but instead I hooked up with him. To many people that is unforgivable....there is no reasons in the world that make that OK. So is it an insult to try and explain it to her or more insulting to not talk to her about? I don't know. It seems like now I can't hold my head up high around some people, and although I am happy when I'm with him, nobody believes it is a healthy relationship or that it will last, so it makes it hard! What do you think?
konfuzd Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 How long after their divorce did you start seeing him?
WhiteDragon Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 It will take time for it to get any better. Just stay away from her for now.
Walk Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 her marriage was ending but instead I hooked up with him. You're looking for validation for your actions from others. If you are this uneasy with your decision then perhaps you already know the answer to the question you can't ask.
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