consumed Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Had probably the best morning/afternoon today than I have in weeks but it's been a downer of a night. Can't stop thinking about my ex, wondering what she's been up too. What bother's me the most is thinking if she has antoher man yet and just thinking about some other guy taking her out places... that killed my night and my mind. I recieved an email from her this weekend, said she would call me someitme but hasn't as of yet. I feel as if tomorrow already looks like it's going to be crappy.
JS17 Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 sorry do what you can to NOT find out if she's with someone else. trust me, you're better off not knowing.
In Sync Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 She's e-mailing you and you are thinking she's with another man. Dude, please walk the road of NC. This is nothing short of self torture, you're already feeling down because she failed to get back to you as she promised. She's playing with your heart and head, if you let her. You're week is going to be F'd up because of mind games like this.
AltplanB Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 my ex told me she was gonna date other people and right before we went on NC, i found out that she made out with some guy at a party 1 week after breakup. Ive been pleading with her cause shes doing everything she can to move on. SHes had previous relationships and she knows that her feelings can plague her so shes looking for some mans arms to fall into. But i want to fight for her and i want to rectify the situation. I want to be the person that she dreams of. I dunno if my plan will work, but i recommend to you that if two people have very strong feelings for one another at some point, they need to be reminded that their signifigant other is there for them and willing to be the person they dream of. tell her that spark and im sure shell want to hear more.
konfuzd Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Hey, Sorry you're going through such a rough time. On the bright side, you live in the most beautiful city in the world! ~Just my completely biassed opinion~ (I left the best relationship of my life to be here. It's hard, but trust me, you'll have good days and bad... The good ones start getting more frequent and the bad ones will eventually fade away)
In Sync Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 AltplanB Go to your dictionary and look up the word smothering...because that is what you sound like you're doing and that girl is going to feel she wants breathing space and the oxygen supply is going to be the new guy who she starts hooking up with. You can not coerce someone to love you without it coming off being obsessive and desperate.
Author consumed Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 Thx for the replies. I try to keep my mind occupied with other things but sometimes you can't stop all the thoughts. Been trying to keep busy with work but even at the work I keep thinking about her. I know it's only been 3 wks but I hope things start looking brighter soon.
Avarice Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 It will get better, it gets a little bit better every day, but it's not easy. Honestly, if you're gonna try to maintain contact with her, you need to prepare yourself for the inevitability of finding out about a new guy. That's the next super-painful thing you're going to face, and in some ways it's worse than where you're at now. Maybe that sounds pessimistic, but it's true. The good thing about not talking to her at all is that you probably avoid this, but that bad thing about avoidance is that you can still find out about a new guy (i did), and then you have that problem coupled withthe fact that you're not even talking to her. Good luck, whatever happens. You'll survive this.
omegaRED Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Eh. I don`t know. When i found out my ex left me for another guy, i kinda felt relieved. I didn`t crash, i wasn`t half as bad as i was maybe before i found out. True, it`s not easy, thoughts of her and the other guy still creep up on me, but at least i know it`s over (not just because she`s with him and happy and won`t call me, but because i know, i chose that i will never ever take her back). So it`s choice basically. To me, finding out the reasons for the breakup (the real ones) was good. It just gave me a shove to move on. If you choose that you won`t take her back, no matter what, it`s not such a big deal. You gave it your all, she thought you weren`t good enough. Sorry? I`m not good enough for you? Well then, find someone you think will be good enough. I, on the other hand, will learn, improve, work on my carreer, and the right girl will come along.
scobro Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I agree with the last post(Mr MACEDONIA;) ). If you keep thinking about her with another guy all the time you are in for some pain.I did this but I knew my wife was dating someone and she was lying to me about it.I just wanted the truth its the not knowing that is killer for me I would rather know what is going on not lies and half truths because thats what makes the mind wonder in all directions with made up scenarios that are worse than what in reality is probably happeneing.The flip side is finding out the truth can be as overwhelming as a sucker punch to the balls, if you are not prepared for the worst.My advice to you would be go No Contact.
omegaRED Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Well it kind of worked out for me. I found out accidentally, i saw her with that other guy on the street. I never thought that there was another man involved, she lied to me for a couple of months that there was noone else, and i believed her. But you will find out sooner or later. Just be prepared, and you`ll see that once you know, all the pieces of the puzzle will fall in place, and at least there won`t be any doubt in your head why she or he broke up with you. There won`t be "Maybe if i did this or that ...". In the end, she`s not my property. She can do whatever she likes. I just don`t want to know about it.
scobro Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I found out accidentally, i saw her with that other guy on the street. Wow how was that situation did you go over to them right then and there or did you wait and let her stew in her lies?.
omegaRED Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 No, i went over to them. She kissed me on the cheek (the usual greeting among close friends), was really surprised that i wasn`t at work (more likely she never thought i`d catch her), introduced me to him (he is an older colleague from Austria), exchanged a couple of meaningless phrases, i turned and walked away. I texted her some 15 minutes after that to give me the explanation and final word that night (we were kinda of on a something between a break and a full break up, and the last time we saw eachother we agreed to talk it over and resolve our status and future, that was maybe 3 weeks before i saw her with that guy, she never called). She didn`t respond, i called her a number of times, she didn`t pick up, an hour later she told me she was on a meeting. That was it. Then, a week after, she told me she finally had time to talk. I waited and thought about it a couple of days, decided to answer her, but she couldn`t find time on the weekend, and when i asked her why she wanted to meet, she said "Because you said you wanted to talk to me.". So we arranged a meeting for monday (it was saturday), but the next day i really thought about it and decided that there`s nothing to gain by talking to her. She lied, she never felt the need to explain and give me the truth, so to hell with her. I cancelled the meeting and that was that. That was 2 weeks ago. And i don`t regret not meeting her. Read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t73369/ if you want the whole story.
AltplanB Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Yea my plan failed. She told me she didn't see us ever gettin back together. I tried and it back fired i guess. got a little pissed and told her that she didn't even give me the chance. O well, move on and meet new people. Whats weird is that every problem ive had before this i could just tell myself that **** happens, and then swallow hard....letting go of the pain. But everytime i do that, my body rejects it and tells me not to give up. Even now as i tell her that i understand it will never work again, im secretly thinking that maybe if i dated other people, had fun without her, she would become jealous and come back to me. Of course i also know her and know that she will recognize this and just fall into the arms of someone else to deal with those feelings instead of coming to me. So all in all, ill never get her back and theres nothing to do about it now, except find a rebound.
Author consumed Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 I made up scenarios that are worse than what in reality is probably happeneing.The flip side is finding out the truth can be as overwhelming as a sucker punch to the balls, if you are not prepared for the worst. My advice to you would be go No Contact. My mind is pretty good at creating these and it doesn't help but only sends my mind spinning for hrs. I think your right about the truth though, I'm not sure I really want to know what she is up too, or if she really is with another guy as I think it would just ruin any progress I've made and bring back all the pain. Even though I create these scenarios, not knowing is probably alot better for the mind then knowing even if it would put questions at rest.
scobro Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 not knowing is probably alot better for the mind then knowing even if it would put questions at rest. You are probably right....Go Leafs Go.
omegaRED Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 I guess if you`re not clinging onto hope, then it`s better not to know. But if you are, IMHO it`s best to find out the cold dirty truth. It kills the lingering hope. It`s not a question of whether they`ll come back for a second chance anymore. It reenforces your decision that YOU wont take them back. Thank god i found out...
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