bairdzo Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 So my wife has a FRIEND(male,works with him, lives in NYC we live in Colorado). I looked at the phone bill today and there is multiple calls to him. Some of the calls are multiple calls in the middle of the night, like 5 or 6 of them. I confronted her about him before I saw this bill and she said it was nothing, shes just confiding in him and she said he just went through the same thing recently, PFFFFF. To many calls at random times, like late at night to be just a friend. What do I do, I already asked her once about him and she said it was nothing not to worry, but I'm kind of pissed. She said she only called him a few times but according to the bill its a bunch!!!!!!!!! Am I jumping the gun? How do I handle this, I think I trust whats shes saying but deep down inside I think he has an agenda. HELP.
A Beer Drinker Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 My soon to be x-wife did something similar and it did turn out that she was cheating on me. I am not saying this is the case, however I would have a heart to heart conversation with her.
bcareful Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 BE CAREFUL!!! My ex-husband did the same thing to me and would give me a guilt trip about it everytime I asked and complained about paying such a high phone bill. My part of the bill was only about $35 and the rest of the bill were calls to her at "odd hours of the day" as you mentioned...He cheated on me, not once, but twice. I don't know if this helps, but I was so upset w/ myself, thinking I was being too paranoid and all, that I decided to tell him that we should all be friends together...that we should "hang out" sometime! So then I got to see how weird she acted. She was obviously jealous. To make a long story short we are divorced now...have been for the past year. Good luck...life goes on!
Scott S Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I was fortunate in catching my ex red-handed. In the preceding months, she had run up the long-distance significantly in talking to the OM & arranging their little trysts. With this, I was able to leverage him/them into paying it, rather than leaving me stuck with it. It amounted to almost $700.00! ________________________________________ When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When life hands you limes, make margaritas.
Skeered Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Yep I caught my XH doin the same thing...our cellphone bill was quite high. He at first said it was a MALE friend and then I found out through more conversations it was a woman then she called my HOUSE phone and left a message on my machine saying something like "Hi sweetie, how are you doin, can't wait for our call tonight" there was no denying that one..what an idiot..lol So with what others have said just have a heart to heart and watch her reaction, but be careful and don't overlook what you feel in your heart.
penkitten Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 you can call your provider and make sure you get a copy of all incoming and outgoing itemized calls to keep up with them and save in case you need them . be sure to hide them at work or something. if it were me, id call that mother sucker and id let him have it.
Author bairdzo Posted November 30, 2005 Author Posted November 30, 2005 So I confronted her and she is seeing someone, says there is no attachment, not to worry (but just a few dates and some kissing). I told her to either stop seeing him or I want a divorce! Sooooo sad, here I am crying, not eating, tuffing this thing out while she has an emotional crutch, I thought she was stronger than that, she is soooooo weak. I have to say even through all of that if she wants to stop seeing him that I'm willing to work on our marriage, I still love her, god am I a glutten for punishment, I hate being in love its so strong. Easier said than done. What would you do?
Skeered Posted November 30, 2005 Posted November 30, 2005 Oh man I'm so sorry...but here's my thoughts it's time to take drastic measures...she isn't thinking one bit of your feelings and to say it's NOTHING and just a little kissing and some dates...WRONGGGGGGGGGGG you are married, you stay true to your vows and true to your relationship. There is an emotional attachment and just because there is no sex that doesn't mean she isn't cheating. i'm sorry but you have to make your next move. Do not be an enabler for her behavior nor do you have to sit back and take the hurt. Seek counseling for you and see what you feel you need to do wether it's move out and move on or seperation for a time. She can't have both lives goin on to figure out what she wants while you wait. just my .02
bigbrowneyes Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Well, I hate to be another person to confirm that this behavior can be something to worry about. My X was doing the same thing. The difference is we were engaged but not living together. He started to behave differently...sometimes hiding his cell phone when i was over his house. One night at his house I checked his caller ID and noticed that the same cell phone number kept calling his house late at night...after 11 p.m. during the week. Ironically enough, he would always want to hang up with me by 10 or 10:30. I confronted him but he totally denied any infidelity. He made up some lame story that any intelligent human being would laugh about. Since I also did 90% of the administrative work for his business, I had access to his cell phone bill. I took it with me one night and examined the phone pattern. Finally, I decided to called two of the numbers that he called on a regular basis...one of which was the identical number calling his home late at night. I explaine to the woman that answered that I was supposed to be marrying M and that I also had 2 children. I was only interested in knowing the truth for my childrens sake. Both woman confirmed that they were in a "relationship" with him and both were having sex with him. I politely thank them and told them I was grateful that they confirmed my suspicions. The bottom line is...if your instinct tells you something is rotten than usually it is. Best of luck. Stay strong.
westernxer Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 So I confronted her and she is seeing someone, says there is no attachment, not to worry (but just a few dates and some kissing). First she said he was just a friend. Now this. I wonder what she'll say next. You should definitely seek professional guidance, even if she's too "busy" to seek it with you.
Lil Honey Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 You should definitely seek professional guidanceOf the litigation variety. I agree with West. Kissing, etc., is beyond friendship. I am friends with my male co-workers. Doesn't mean that I call them at all hours (or at all) nor does it mean that I date/kiss them.
Trimmer Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 I'm with West and Lil Honey - this: ...says there is no attachment, not to worry (but just a few dates and some kissing). ... is a contradiction. This is already too much of an attachment for a married person. Also, (a) she thinks dating and kissing someone else while she is married is nothing to worry about, so what does that say about her opinion of your marriage, and (b) she's already lied about it, so what reason do you have to believe she's telling the complete truth now? P.S. bigbrowneyes - for someone who had every right to fly off the handle like a crazed circus freak, you sure handled your situation with a huge amount of grace and class...
Author bairdzo Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 OK here we go again! After her admitting to seeing the OM, I started digging in the trash and found a reciepts that confirmed they rented a room together and I also called the hotel she said he was staying at while he was in town (she said he didnt stay at our house) no body by that name checked in. I found numerous cigarette but at my house like 10-15. Candle had matches by it in our bedroom and numerous water bottles on my side of the bed that she never sleeps on. Also his airline luggage tags were in the trash. Look like she picked him up at the airport on the 25th, hes stayed at our house for 2 nights and they gots a room in the mountains on the 27, the recept said number checking in 2. I asked her if he stayed at our house and she said No, I said did you guys get a room together, NO. I have receipts that show charges in the mountains on the 27th and 28th, she said she dorve home and never stayed there, its a hour and ahalf drive each way, LIAR. Why is she lying to me? Why wont she give me the whole truth? THe night she admitted to seeing him she said she knows the grass isnt greener. Did she have a fling and is now regretting it. She has turned from cold wife to crying, needs a hug. I told her when she left toen the other night to think about me forgiving her and her forging me so we can work on our marriage as a team, but this was before the lies and the proof. WHat do I do, I still love her even after all this, am I weird or just plane stupid?
westernxer Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 She has turned from cold wife to crying, needs a hug. I told her when she left toen the other night to think about me forgiving her and her forging me so we can work on our marriage as a team... Maybe she wants you and the other guy to double team her.
Lil Honey Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Why is she lying to me? Why wont she give me the whole truth? She is lying so that she can find some way, at a later date to back out of any given situation. She is lying, because she doesn't want you to leave - she wants you to stick around, believing her, so that if things don't work out with Other Guy, she will be able to go back to you. You are her security blanket. She is lying, because she has the edge of the rug in her grasp and isn't ready to give it a quick pull . . . yet. THe night she admitted to seeing him she said she knows the grass isnt greener. She is lying again. If she thought the grass wasn't greener, she wouldn't be mowing, raking, watering and otherwise tending it. Did she have a fling and is now regretting it. Are the dates from last February or last month (November)? If the answer is November, she isn't regretting it. She has turned from cold wife to crying, needs a hug. She's playing you. How many times does she turn on the tears to convince you that you are mistaken?
Author bairdzo Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 Double team, real funny! I want to know what you guys would do in my shoes? Realistic answers please.
Mz. Pixie Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Confront her with the evidence that you have..... No matter what she says to try and turn it around on you do not let her. This is about her and her infidelity. Tell her that this is the deal. She quits talking to the guy and goes to MC or you're out of there. And mean it. She has to open up all aspects of her life to you- e mail passwords, cell phone bills everything.
Author bairdzo Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 THat sounds like a plan, anyone else?:
cranium Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 The trash gave my wife away as well, but it was a condom, not receipts. She went from cold to crying also, but she couldn't deny anything. Mz. P is on the mark again. Confront her with what you have. She probably regrets getting caught. Is OM married? If yes, his wife may be interested in knowing what's going on. Keep posting and good luck.
Author bairdzo Posted December 2, 2005 Author Posted December 2, 2005 No, not married. But my wife says he just went through the same thing. What a maggot! Going in for the easy kill.
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