New to this ~ I'm the other woman

[PMMGA]

Ten years ago I met my husband when we both worked for the same company. It went fast between us, but I was always brought up to believe that when you make your bed you lie in it. After just 4 months of dating, I became pregnant with my daughter. Of course I stayed with him. Three years later we had a son. We did not get married until 2001. I some how knew all along that it wouldn't work out between us. But I was steadfast into believing it would, I would make it work. I know now I was very selfish of it all. He is a good man & a wonderful father to his kids. But over the past 10 yrs, I slowly began to loose myself. My spirit. The person I was before was gone. I use to be fun. No worries could get me down. Had plenty of friends & loved to go dancing. My husband is my total opposite. Right down to the very mayo we eat. Sometimes we say the only thing we have in common is our children. Yes, it's that opposite. We have our fights like all married couples, but the love I thought was there has been gone for sometime. Fast forward to today ~> Back in June, I was introduced to a man by way of my sister. She had mentioned something about me to him & he told her he knew me. She called out to me (we were at a public event) & said that this guy knew me. I turned, saw him & said no he doesn't. I am a "known" radio personality around these parts and that is how he knew me. I walked come over & talk to him. I thanked him for being a fan. We talked about many things. We share a lot of the same interest. I left that night thinking to myself, wow, this guy is something else, but nothing further than that. The next week came & I saw him again. We talked a little more & I could tell he was kind of flirting, nothing alarming though. I began to think to myself, there is something more to this guy than I first realized. After yet another long talk, we parted ways saying goodnight with a smile. The next week came a very nasty storm. A tornado ripped through town, tearing the very place we see each other at to shreds. It was a place where many people gathered for a weekly summer event. Upon hearing it on the news, I rushed out there to see the devastation. It was awful. While I sat in my car, he came to mind. I started feeling sad for some reason. Maybe it was the fact I wouldn't be able to see him anymore. Either way, I was sad. Two months passed & the place re-opened with a fan appreciation day event. Not thinking anything of him, I took my son out there for all the activities. Upon reaching the gate, I noticed a familar face. It was him. All of a sudden, I felt all funny inside. Like a high-school crush coming about. He noticed me immediately. Came right over to me & gives me a hug. I was shocked by this, but accepted it. We talked for about 10 minutes & then he said before you leave, stop by and see him again. I said yes, I would. I was feeling like I was on cloud 9. Nothing has hit me like this before. Then I started thinking, what the he** was I thinking?! I am a married woman, he's a married man. No way. Well, I stopped by anyway. We began talking about life, nothing serious. He asked me about coming to work for his company. We dabbled on that for a while & he said here's my number, if you change your mind, call me. Of course I knew better.... I was thinking. Maybe he was legit. Or not. I wan't sure. I left thinking otherwise. A few weeks passed & I decided to call him. There was a major event going on at "our place" & I thought I would ask him if he was going to be there. His voice mail got me, so I left a message and what I thought was the right number to call me back. I didn't hear from him, so I took it as that. Well, that whole weekend event came & I went. My job had me being there. Leaving that first night, I was walking across the parking lot (you have to know there were more than 50,000 people there) to where my car was. Then out of no where, this "cart" started backing up & almost hit me. I said without him looking, "are you gonna run over me or what?"...and started laughing. I already knew it was him. He looked at me as though wondering where I have been all this time. Immediately he said "you left the wrong number to call you back!". I said no I did not.. he surprised me by re-playing the message he had kept on his voice mail for 3 weeks. Yes, I did leave the worng #. We laughed about it & started talking about what we have been up to. He offered to take me to my car & I accepted, happily. Little gestures here and there cemented his interest in me. I started, or already knew I felt the same. But why? It's been years since anyone has showed any kind of interest in me. I could tell by the look in his eyes, there was something more to this. My own husband hasn't looked at me this way since we first got togehter. Through all the years of feeling lonely, depressed thinking, knowing I made the wrong decision, that looked was welcomed. He told me to call him the next day & he would "cart" me around. I said ok, knowing that now, he was gonna keep in touch this time around. Well, I went the next day & met up with him. He didn't let me out of his sight. We went everywhere together. Spent the whole day enjoying each other & the days event. The time came for me to leave & he asked if he could call me sometime at work. Maybe he could take me to lunch sometime. I said yes without thinking of the consequences. I was all giggly inside thinking of our next meeting. Well, Monday came & he called me that morning. Said he was on my side of town & wanted to see if I wanted to meet him. Of course I accepted. I met him at the restaurant & the first thing he did was said hi & kissed me on the cheek. I was taken back by this, kind of stunned. But in a good way. We sat & talked & the hour flew by. We talked about our relationships at home & such. To no surprise, pretty much the same thing. We hugged goodbye & then he said to call him anytime. So I did that week. We began to flirt on the phone more. I was shocked that I was feeling this way, but not guilty. That's the biggy in all this. Not guilty. Why not?! Two weeks go by (of course we talked during this time) & he called one day and said he was leaving for Indiana for a 2 week stay for a job promotion he had gotten from work. I was so bummed out by this. He was too. He asked if I could get away to see him before he goes, and I said yes. I knew right then & there that it was time. I knew something was going to happen, but did not know what. The anticipation was so stomach turning! I wanted so badly to kiss him first thing getting out of my car, and that is what I had planned. But, I started yappin' away & he did it for me. He came right up to me, grabbed my face & kissed me. I was floating! We broke away from each other long enough to say hello, then we kissed again. He asked me to go with him. That he couldn't go 2 weeks without seeing me. Oh I wanted to, but I knew I couldn't. We held onto each other like no other. I knew I haven't felt like that in a long time. I knew I found something with him that I have been missing. Or was it just something new? We literally had to break so many times, that at one point we couldn't. It was so passionate, I couldn't remember ever feeling this way. We were so surprised by our actions, it took our breath away. Things happened so fast before we knew it, we were there if you know what I mean. There was no going back. I felt so intense, so passionate, I couldn't help myself. Afterwards, he kept saying how much it felt good to be wanted again, to have that feeling again. I agreed. We parted ways kissing like crazy & promises of phone calls while he was gone. I was so bummed he was gone. We talked daily, wishing to each other we could be together. After a week & a half, he called me asking what time could I break loose if I could... I said, anytime, I would think of something. He then said he could leave that day to come home, or the next morning. I immediately said get home now! He replied, I'm out the door in 20 minutes. I was so thrilled, happy. What took him 9 hours to get there, took him 6 hours to get back! That night was the most incredible love making I ever had. We held onto each other not wanting to leave. It was a beautiful night with him, something of course i would never forget. During all this time, these past weeks, I started to notice a change in me. I noticed that I started putting on makeup a little more; dressed nice instead of t-shirts & jeans; changed my hair color; changed my personality. Was it all because of him or was it because I found my old self again? The part of me that I thought was gone forever? What ever it is, I'm loving it. I even broke out my ole' cowboy hat & boots. I want to go dancing again. Start new things, dress in clothes that what I thought before were not my style, but now they are. I have gotten compliments from so many men & women to be fact, that all this change is good. I am also realizing that my relationship with my husband is over. Not because entirely of this guy. Please don't think that. Yeah, he has a little to do with it, but I have known for many years that its over. I'm just now not afraid to admit it to myself. I want to be on my own. Something I never did. He has told me that the past 2 years he's been thinking of leaving his wife again (they separated for a year about 6 years ago).. that the only reason he went back is because of the kids. I know now that isn't a reason for staying. He's not in-love with her like a man should love his wife, and vice versa. But we do love them. I plan on telling my husband soon about me wanting to leave, but there are some things I need to take care of first. I haven't told him I was leaving my husband yet.. I just don't want him to think its because of him. Even though I am beginning to have some feelings for him. Do I want to have something to happen between him & I? On one hand yes and on the other, I'm not counting on it. Sometimes I think, what if? What if he is the "one"? I'm not counting on it, but I still wonder. Either way, I feel free from depression, free from the self I became that I no longer desire. Free from spending eternity with someone who deserves to be with someone who should love her husband the way a woman should. I know there is more to this story, only God knows what, but I'm here to find out. I know I could get hurt, hell, I'm already hurting some. But, what ever the case, I know now that I can feel that way again. I can feel love again. I can feel passion again. But most importantly, I feel alive again. Any suggestions, thoughts.. please reply.

 

PMM

~The Other Woman~

[Mtn.mamacita]

Your story sounds very similar to mine. Married 16 yrs. 2 kids. Met a man that made me feel alive and reminded me what I had been missing with my nonexistent marriage. He also has marital difficulties and is only there for the kids. I have since filed for divorce for MYSELF. Sure I would love for a relationship with the love of my life, but I'm not planning on it. He has since left his wife for 2 months and then moved back for the kids. He continues to be miserable but chooses to stay. I have been thru 2 therapists and lots of xanax.

The general consensus is he is my transitional object. People who are in an unfulfilling marriage frequently need another person to wake them up and get them out. A very common phenomenon. Transitional objects almost never have a long term part in the other's life. I'm still working on realizing he will not be in my life for the long term. But I am also greatful that I'm alive again and ready to live the 2nd half of my life to the fullest. I will always remember him with love and I imagine I will always hope for that phone call!! Hang in there it gets better.

[fatcat]

So You Had A Few Good Screws...methinks That Even If You Leave Your

Opposite Personality Hubby, That Sooner Or Later You'll Find Faults With

This Guy Too (even Tho He's Married)

If Youre So Unhappy, Get A Divorce....but I'm Telling You That There

Is No Such Thing As A Prince Charming...there Are Great Guys Out There, But We Are Human Too (even Handsome Me)...we All Eventually Will Get Tired Of

Your Ass As You Will Of Ours...but That's Human Nature

[newbby]

only get a divorce if you can imagine being a single mother, with no man beside you each night. this man is married, if he is typical, he will not leave his wife, therefore there is most certainly no gauranteed future for you and he. it is easy to say sort out your marriage first, but because things have already brgun with this man then you will not be able to think of anything without him figuring. tell your h you want a break and tell this man you want a break, be on your own for a few months and then you'll come up with the right answers, anything else you do at this point will confuse you even more.

[Sami_D]

PMMGA, hello.

 

Looks like the main decision you have to make is whether to do something about your M, or to leave it. Seems that you have things in perspective regarding MM... is that right?

 

Are things with your H really over... or just stale? What are you thinking now?