are school marks a factor in frendships

[joel]

how of u guys still talk to ppl or hang with ur freinds from HS. i'm 24 and the HS i went to was mainly chinese and white, -i didn't get along with any of em. the cihinese didn't like to assocaite with me b/c i was a C avg student -just not academecially blessed. school and marks was everything to asian-chinese students. i even had stuff said like-woww thats a low mark-said it harshly too"-in cantonese.

the whites were pretty much all skaters-they didn't really accept me into their group either.

i think that was the main reason for myself being a loner. any chinese or any guys out there that was pretty much like a loner in HS-never went out with a bunch of freinds on a fri, sat, sun night.

i mean i had freinds u talk to -more like aquintances but not like freinds the type u would hang out with on a fri, sat night or out of school time.

yea my youth days are like crap, the thing is in college its like that now too.

 

do u think that being chinese cbc guy and lets say ur chinese or asian too or what not-if u get low marks C+ B- avg , that it would be a repellent to one wanting to be friends with me. all i am sayin is are my marks -is it really whats stopping me from gaining freinds. i think in a way since the chinese are so gung ho about school and marks and gettin into a university.

[orangeterran]

Hello Joel, the interesting thing is that I understand you concerning more than just one aspect of your high school experience.

 

Although I'm not Canadian Born Chinese (CBC), I am American Born Chinese (ABC) and found it difficult to relate to the great majority of my peers that were in my school's population. However, I have determined that the cause for my social maladjustment was not directly linked to grades.

 

Many of the Asians at my schools that were so focused on marks have parents that are usually recent immigrants that are very controlling and place high value and priority on academic achievement. This in turn causes their children, your classmates, to work extremely hard in school to appease their parents or else face negative consequences.

 

Often it is difficult to identify with your peers if they don't share the same values or interests as you. Often, many times the parents of said school oriented students do not allow them to associate much with anyone or anything unless it is beneficial to their grades.

 

Just hang in there Joel, I too am close to your age, being in my 23rd year of life. I too am still a loner and am trying my hand at adjusting to socializing. I have determined that my "loner" status was mostly due to low self-esteem issues that were the effect of the neglectful and abusive nature of parenting in my family.

 

I used to keep in minimal touch with one guy I met in high school, but within the past year our paths have parted because I decided to return to school and finally get somewhere in life. I nearly flunked out of high school because of a series of traumatizing events that am trying to come to terms with so I can finally form healthy relationships with people and make friends, hopefully close friends. The most fundamental thing I have learned is that healthy relationships start at home when you are young with your family. If they don't exist, it becomes increasingly difficult for you to form healthy relationships outside of your family.

 

Joel, I'd be happy to discuss this more if you'd like, because when I was growing up, there weren't many Asians around where I lived and I had no basis of comparison.

[slubberdegullion]

Native born Canadian here, so I can't reliably comment on the cultural issues about grades and friendship. I can tell you, though, that once your formal education is finished, no one - and I do mean no one - will care what marks you got. If you finished with a GPA of 4.0 or just scraped by, the diploma or degree or whatever is the same.

[joel]

Hello Joel, the interesting thing is that I understand you concerning more than just one aspect of your high school experience.

 

Although I'm not Canadian Born Chinese (CBC), I am American Born Chinese (ABC) and found it difficult to relate to the great majority of my peers that were in my school's population. However, I have determined that the cause for my social maladjustment was not directly linked to grades.

 

Many of the Asians at my schools that were so focused on marks have parents that are usually recent immigrants that are very controlling and place high value and priority on academic achievement. This in turn causes their children, your classmates, to work extremely hard in school to appease their parents or else face negative consequences.

 

Often it is difficult to identify with your peers if they don't share the same values or interests as you. Often, many times the parents of said school oriented students do not allow them to associate much with anyone or anything unless it is beneficial to their grades.

 

Just hang in there Joel, I too am close to your age, being in my 23rd year of life. I too am still a loner and am trying my hand at adjusting to socializing. I have determined that my "loner" status was mostly due to low self-esteem issues that were the effect of the neglectful and abusive nature of parenting in my family.

 

I used to keep in minimal touch with one guy I met in high school, but within the past year our paths have parted because I decided to return to school and finally get somewhere in life. I nearly flunked out of high school because of a series of traumatizing events that am trying to come to terms with so I can finally form healthy relationships with people and make friends, hopefully close friends. The most fundamental thing I have learned is that healthy relationships start at home when you are young with your family. If they don't exist, it becomes increasingly difficult for you to form healthy relationships outside of your family.

 

Joel, I'd be happy to discuss this more if you'd like, because when I was growing up, there weren't many Asians around where I lived and I had no basis of comparison.

 

 

hey orange whats ur msn addy-mine is [email protected]-care to chat some time