Reality Bites

[slubberdegullion]

Your humble servant has been noting a number of popular misconceptions about relationships, so to clear up any misunderstanding between fantasy and reality, please note the following:

• No, you CANNOT be friends with your ex after you've split;
  
• No, men CANNOT start as friends with a woman and expect to become intimate at some future point;
  
• Men do not change after marriage;
  
• Women do change after marriage;
  
• Having kids does not help a relationship;
  
• Staying together for the kids' sake does them more harm than good;
  
• There is no such thing as "closure";
  
• Women's ability to have a larger group of social contacts, with whom they can unleash their deepest emotions, is one of their greatest strengths;
  
• If you have to ask if you look too fat in that dress/pants/whatever, you already know the answer;
  
• Leaving the seat up is not a capital crime;
  
• If you're paying all the bills until he "gets on his feet" you're being a doormat;
  
• "I need my space" is code for "buzz off";
  
• "We should take a break" is code for "I want to see other people";
  
• "Can you please help with the housework?" is code for "Get your lazy ass off the couch and away from the TV!";
  
• Yes, guys get over break-ups quicker, but guys are also more likely to fall into depression or harm themselves after a relationship breakdown;
  
• Women generally see the expression of emotions in men as weakness, despite what the may tell you;
  
• Men generally see the expression of emotions in women as manipulation and a general painintheass;
  
• Men talk less than women because men don't go over the same things repeatedly. Therefore, when a man tells his woman, "OK, I get the point, I've had enough," he's not kidding;
  
• Women give sex to get love, whereas men give love to get sex;
  
• In a marriage or other committed relationship, refusing sex to a man is like telling a woman she's fat and ugly;
  
• No, women are NOT from Mars and men are NOT from Venus, it just seems that way sometimes;
  
• There is no such thing as a "soul mate";
  
• You cannot be abused without your implicit permission;
  
• An abuser hides their weakness by resorting to abuse;
  
• You cannot make anyone feel anything, and no one can make you feel anything without your agreement;
  
• Men do not like being told how to drive, even if their driving skills blow;
  
• Playing games in a relationship is a manifestation of weakness and insecurity.

And, my personal favourite:

• Love is not a feeling. Love is a decision.

 

I know I'm going to be taken to task on some of these, but for some reason I feel better now.

[Outcast]

I know I'm going to be taken to task on some of these, but for some reason I feel better now.

 

Yup. Specifically:

 

Men do not change after marriage;

Women do change after marriage

 

Total bull. Both stop trying because they take each other for granted. Men have even higher rates of obesity, for instance.

 

Men talk less than women because men don't go over the same things repeatedly. Therefore, when a man tells his woman, "OK, I get the point, I've had enough," he's not kidding;

 

Women hate having to repeat things but often have to because the men, who are busy 'compartmentalizing' are in a totally other 'compartment' from the 'listen to what your partner is talking about' compartment and consequently don't hear a word. Since no light goes on to let the women know when the men are in the 'listen' compartment, sometimes they manage to repeat things while the men are actually listening.

[JayKay]

I found a lot of these very funny!

 

However, I take exception to this;

 

"Women give sex to get love, whereas men give love to get sex"

 

 

 

I am a pretty raunchy woman and I don't like the pastel-y, Hallmark-y, saccharine ("Oooh! I don't say sex! I call it 'making love'!" twitter twitter) type of pap attached to all members of my particular gender.

 

 

Prior to my present relationship, I enjoyed some good, cold, hard, sex-only arrangements that helped me not only survive grad school but do it with some color in my cheeks.

 

A'hem....

 

 

But do carry on with your theories. I think you're spot on most of the time!

[d'Arthez]

From a woman's perspective: How often do you hear the same thing about cars / NASCAR / baseball / (ice) hockey or football? Even when you yourself are trying to address issues in the relationship. How many men come up with a line like the following: "Honey, we can talk ... but please dear ... let me watch the game first."

 

Just because men think they are talking about different things each time does not make it so. And just because men think that women are good at repeating the same thing time and again, does not mean that women repeat these things time and again.

[Sloppy]

Slubber,

do I sense a little frustration with LS today?

[smile95]

From a woman's perspective: How often do you hear the same thing about cars / NASCAR / baseball / (ice) hockey or football? Even when you yourself are trying to address issues in the relationship. How many men come up with a line like the following: "Honey, we can talk ... but please dear ... let me watch the game first."

 

Just because men think they are talking about different things each time does not make it so. And just because men think that women are good at repeating the same thing time and again, does not mean that women repeat these things time and again.

 

 

thank you!

 

I think my poor sister knows every stat in the NFL and bless her heart, she listens for hrs while he talks/vents about the weekend games and what the coaches should have done different....but do you think he wants to hear an hour about what she found at the mall??? NOPE.If she starts talking......he is watching the TV and nodding "uh huh".

 

I find it funny. I guess these are things we all need to adapt to!

[slubberdegullion]

How often do you hear the same thing about cars / NASCAR / baseball / (ice) hockey or football? Even when you yourself are trying to address issues in the relationship. How many men come up with a line like the following: "Honey' date=' we can talk ... but please dear ... let me watch the game first."[/quote']

Uh, maybe this is too much to ask, but why is it only when you've got yourself situated in front of the game, with a bowl of popcorn and a beer, that's the exact same time the S/O wants to have a relationship discussion??

[lindya]

Uh, maybe this is too much to ask, but why is it only when you've got yourself situated in front of the game, with a bowl of popcorn and a beer, that's the exact same time the S/O wants to have a relationship discussion??

 

Hmmm. I wonder if it's generally around about that point that she thinks along the following lines...

 

"Oh joy! I see that there's another Very Important And Completely Unmissable Big Game on again. Just like last Saturday - and the one before, and before and before.

 

This afternoon is the vital stages of the golf open championships, and tonight there will be a crucial match between Latvia and Romania at the same time as that documentary I was thinking of watching. I could go and watch it upstairs, but I know you like me to sit at your side making sympathetic mumbling sounds as you rant and scream at the referee for awarding a penalty against the team you decided to support (Latvia, on account of that bloke you met in the pub the other week who had a second cousin who once went there).

 

Quick glance at the paper....Ah. Tomorrow, there is Special Extended Coverage of the Grand Prix. The curtains will be closed all day so that no sunlight is allowed to fall on the tv screen. The volume will be turned right up to enable us both to feel as if we're actually there. I'll be able to leave the room - even go out into the garden for an hour at a time - without missing any of the action or being deprived of the sound of incessantly roaring cars topped by the hysterical non-stop babble of the tv commentator."

 

Ah! Televised sport. The richness that it adds to life, and the harmony it creates within so many marriages.

[d'Arthez]

Uh, maybe this is too much to ask, but why is it only when you've got yourself situated in front of the game, with a bowl of popcorn and a beer, that's the exact same time the S/O wants to have a relationship discussion??

Well, if you have an interest in NBA, NASCAR, NFL, NHL, MLB, what time in the week is left for anything but sports?

[westernxer]

Uh, maybe this is too much to ask, but why is it only when you've got yourself situated in front of the game, with a bowl of popcorn and a beer, that's the exact same time the S/O wants to have a relationship discussion??

 

Tell her to wait until half time.

[lindya]

Tell her to wait until half time.

 

No! At half time, the commentators will be reviewing the highlights of the first half - and there will be opportunities to see action replays. It's imperative that the beloved can give these his full concentration so that he can make a properly informed assessment of the ref's decision to award a penalty shot to Estonia.

[JS17]

No no no. You're all wrong. You know at half time he's going to ask for that blow job so you have to squeeze in the conversation BEFORE he gets pissed when you say no.

[westernxer]

No! At half time, the commentators will be reviewing the highlights of the first half - and there will be opportunities to see action replays. It's imperative that the beloved can give these his full concentration so that he can make a properly informed assessment of the ref's decision to award a penalty shot to Estonia.

 

Oh yeah.

 

Then they'll update you on other games going on.

[lindya]

No no no. You're all wrong. You know at half time he's going to ask for that blow job so you have to squeeze in the conversation BEFORE he gets pissed when you say no.

 

Loveshack. Dedicated to providing the cyberspace marriage experience for singletons across the globe.

[johan]

No no no. You're all wrong. You know at half time he's going to ask for that blow job so you have to squeeze in the conversation BEFORE he gets pissed when you say no.

 

I was really with you until the last part. For a minute I was starting to think you might be the perfect woman.

[Brittanyjean06]

"Women give sex to get love, whereas men give love to get sex"

 

 

i couldent give sex, just to give love...i give sex well because you know ....

[Outcast]

Ah! Televised sport. The richness that it adds to life, and the harmony it creates within so many marriages.

 

ROTFLMFAO!!!

 

Not to mention that with the proper cable/digital/whatever connection, the loving husband can remain in his seat 24/7 365 (366 in leap years) and do nothing EXCEPT watch sports.

[slubberdegullion]

Not to mention that with the proper cable/digital/whatever connection, the loving husband can remain in his seat 24/7 365 (366 in leap years) and do nothing EXCEPT watch sports.

That's his way of telling you he loves you. He's staying out of your way while you vacuum, do the dishes, wash the floor, change the baby, get the groceries, etc etc.

 

ooooo I can sense a severe flaming coming...

 

By the way, anyone else see the Giants/Seahawks match up today?

[slubberdegullion]

Note to the literal-minded: The above posting was humour, intended for mature audiences only. Not to be taken internally. Do not eat heavy machinery while operating this humour. Keep out of reach of children. Not valid in Quebec.

[westernxer]

By the way, anyone else see the Giants/Seahawks match up today?

 

Giants blew it, but I don't like the Giants very much to begin with.

[brashgal]

No, women are NOT from Mars and men are NOT from Venus, it just seems that way sometimes

 

I think you mean the reverse although a few of my dates musta been from the moon - really out there...