user12 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 My boyfriend of about 5 months broke up with me about a month ago. Throughout this past month we've been talking online because he has wanted to remain friends immediately after the breakup and the contact doesn't seem to bring him down at all. He told me he made himself completely numb and that he's completely over it. But I'm still the pathetic one who can't seem to move on. I know the contact part is what's doing it and I keep telling myself to stop, and after reading all these other experiences on here I realize that IS the only way to get over everything. I ran into him the other day because we have the same group of friends and it made me wonder if I will EVER be ready to be just friends, because when I see him I don't want to be just his friend... But how do guys get over things so much fast than girls? Is it that they've invested so much more sexually into the relationship than emotionally that those feelings are easier to retract?
Sloppy Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I think it mostly depends on the situation. Some guys might get over it faster, some might not. The same goes for girls. My experience with my exes is that once they were emotionally involved, it took them longer to get over it then it took me to get over it. Since he broke up with you, his emotional involvement probably wasn't too high anymore. I don't know the stats, I can only speak from my own experience.
slubberdegullion Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 But how do guys get over things so much fast than girls?Guys compartmentalize. A relationship is a part of a man's life, but it doesn't define who he is. Therefore, it's easier for a guy to shunt the pain aside and continue about his business. Is it that they've invested so much more sexually into the relationship than emotionally that those feelings are easier to retract? Well, yes and no. Generally, men get their emotional needs fulfilled by having their sexual needs fulfilled. However, because guys compartmentalize, it's generally less destructive when a relationship ends. It also depends on who dumped who, of course, and how long the relationship lasted. When a man finally drops his guard and lets the emotions flow free, it makes him vulnerable to emotional blackmail. Speaking from personal experience here, that's usually the point at which his partner pulls the plug because she senses a change in him.
Outcast Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 it's generally less destructive when a relationship ends. Men are more likely to commit suicide, fall into depression, or otherwise become dysfunctional after breaking up. The reason is that they often don't have the support networks that women do and aren't used to talking about their emotions and working emotional issues out. http://www.mhcs.health.nsw.gov.au/health-public-affairs/mhcs/publications/5360.html There are some who fall into the category that Slubber describes but it is not true for all men. There are no generalizations about 'men' or 'women' that are true.
Pyro Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 For me, it depends on how the relationship was and how it ended. If I was cheated on, or that I was dumped for a selfish reason of hers, I would refuse to let the pain keep me down and I would be ready to move on right away. If we broke up for a mutual reason and it was ended on good terms, it would probably take a little time before I am considered ready to move on.
HeartBroke2006 Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 The answere to this question is NO. I'm a guy and i told my ex I was over her and had no love for her whatsoever. I told her this to her face. I seemed the right thing at the time to stop her from contacting me. Damn, it hurt like hell. I was lying to myself. Us guys just make out that we move on fast. Even if they start dating real soon after a break up, does'nt mean they dont think of you. All this is just my oppinion, but I know what us blokes can be like.
BigB Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 It always takes me a long time, took me about 5 years to get over one girl... The only way you're going to get over him is to stop talking to him, at least till you can do it without it hurting. being friends after breaking up almost never works.
lindya Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 There are some who fall into the category that Slubber describes but it is not true for all men. There are no generalizations about 'men' or 'women' that are true. Agreed. I think, too, that some people (of either gender) are just generally more on a constant quest to learn about life, improve their relationship skills and increase their emotional intelligence. Those people are perhaps more liable to analyse the demise of a relationship. That might seem, to those who can compartmentalise and move on quickly, to be unnecessarily painful and stressful. Obsessive or masochistic even. On the other hand if, through that analysis, people emerge with more emotional strength and better insight, then the time and effort certainly hasn't been wasted....and they will probably learn lessons that have positive benefits for their future relationships. There comes a point for most people who are prone to introspection, however, where they really do have to make a concerted effort to move forward rather than dwelling on the past whilst hoping that "closure" will somehow magically appear. Especially if they're beating themselves up about the same painful experiences over and over again, and not learning anything productive from doing so.
Just Visiting Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 The answere to this question is NO. I'm a guy and i told my ex I was over her and had no love for her whatsoever. I told her this to her face. I seemed the right thing at the time to stop her from contacting me. Damn, it hurt like hell. I was lying to myself. Us guys just make out that we move on fast. Even if they start dating real soon after a break up, does'nt mean they dont think of you. All this is just my oppinion, but I know what us blokes can be like. I often wonder if my ex has been having a tough time as me since our break up in mid-September. Just this past month I have been giving the appearance of moving on (updating profile pictures, putting out dating ads, positive and introspective journal entries on friendship networks). I don't want him to see me in pain. I do have some pride. However, I still miss him like crazy and cry once in awhile. I haven't made any attempt to contact him, took him off my MSN, all that stuff. Despite my craving for contact, I think it is best that we don't, in terms of healing and moving on. I was ready to fight for our relationship and he wasn't, he wanted his space. So that's what I gave him. Everyone has said that he is crazy to let go of our relationship. Despite some issues, I feel that we were good together. It appears that he moved on about 2 weeks after the break-up. He posted up dating profiles too and that hurt, but what can I do, he has that right. He still has me on his MSN contact list which I find strange. One of my friends said that it is his way of keeping tabs on me...could be. A part of me wants to know what he has been thinking and feeling...has he been having a tough time too? There are times when I wish we can get back together and work through our issues, but I am not about to run after him. He was basically the dumper so I feel it is up to him to initiate contact. In the meantime, I have been slowly healing and learning about myself. I really don't know what is in our future..if there is one still.
AltplanB Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Neither sex has an easyier time when it comes to break ups. Its all about who dumped who. I believe that men have a more difficult time getting dumped because their confidence and ego is deeply stricken and these are traits that women look for. I also believe that men have a easier time dumping because they feel relieved and now ready to take on the world and all the women within it. Women may be emotional creatures but when a man is struck down, it hits his core instincts. When a man dumps, he immediately opens up to going up to women with a sense of new self esteem and ego. The real question is: who is more likely to come back to their previous loved one? a man or a women? i know it depends on the situation but overall, what is the consensus?
mini696 Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 We are generally putting on a brave face, and dying inside... Well I am anyway.
makaze Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Actually psychology claims the oppsosite- that guys take much longer to get over a relationship, and are 3 times more likely to commit suicide over a relationship gone wrong. But from my experience it depends on what type of person you are and not your gender.
Yamaha Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Men are more likely to commit suicide, fall into depression, or otherwise become dysfunctional after breaking up. The reason is that they often don't have the support networks that women do and aren't used to talking about their emotions and working emotional issues out. I agree with you, Outcast. If a guy is really emotionally involved with a girl it will really hit him hard. Some guys never get over a girl because they don't have the support and will not seek counseling. You guy is probably not over you but is putting up a brave front. I would end the communication if you are still hooked on him because it will hurt you to hear about his life. You need to erase him from your life ( at least for a time ) to allow your emotions to end.
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I agree with Outcast and Yamaha. Oh, and I have to comment here...Just Visiting, that is such an adorable picture!
mental_traveller Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 Personally I get over breakups pretty quickly. It's nothing to do with sex etc. Basically if things are serious and then the girl dumps me, then clearly we don't match and she's not worth bothering with. And if I dump her, then it's because there is something seriously wrong with the relationship. So in both cases, it's better to be out than in - which means there's no point getting too bothered about it. Generally if a man gets over the breakup easily, then he pretty much thought that the relationship has no future. Let that colour your feelings towards him and the relationship you *thought* you had.
Just Visiting Posted December 2, 2005 Posted December 2, 2005 I agree with Outcast and Yamaha. Oh, and I have to comment here...Just Visiting, that is such an adorable picture! LMAO thanks whichwayisup, that was me at 5 years old.
porsche_2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 I often wonder if my ex has been having a tough time as me since our break up in mid-September. Just this past month I have been giving the appearance of moving on (updating profile pictures, putting out dating ads, positive and introspective journal entries on friendship networks). I don't want him to see me in pain. I do have some pride. However, I still miss him like crazy and cry once in awhile. I haven't made any attempt to contact him, took him off my MSN, all that stuff. Despite my craving for contact, I think it is best that we don't, in terms of healing and moving on. I was ready to fight for our relationship and he wasn't, he wanted his space. So that's what I gave him. Everyone has said that he is crazy to let go of our relationship. Despite some issues, I feel that we were good together. It appears that he moved on about 2 weeks after the break-up. He posted up dating profiles too and that hurt, but what can I do, he has that right. He still has me on his MSN contact list which I find strange. One of my friends said that it is his way of keeping tabs on me...could be. A part of me wants to know what he has been thinking and feeling...has he been having a tough time too? There are times when I wish we can get back together and work through our issues, but I am not about to run after him. He was basically the dumper so I feel it is up to him to initiate contact. In the meantime, I have been slowly healing and learning about myself. I really don't know what is in our future..if there is one still. I am excatly in the same situation. He broke up with me...u can read my post fro details..and now i wonder is he thinking abt me too? i really liked him..but cant be chasing him..so i left him alone...i saw his profile go live right after breakup...so i did mine too...we shared so much and then all of sudden this happened. I wish he contacts me...
luvtoto Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 But how do guys get over things so much faster than girls? Is it that they've invested so much more sexually into the relationship than emotionally that those feelings are easier to retract? Nah, guys hurt just as much a girls. From what I've learned, when guy's in pain, he luvs a distraction!! By distraction I am meaning...just getting out and having some fun; drinking beer with his buddies...motocrossing...fishing...boating. On the surface, looks like they are past the hurt and just out having fun. But from what I've been subjected to...their pain doesn't set in until they are standing still.
fromfaraway Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Well I am a guy, and I never got over someone once I fall in love with them. I fell in love with a girl when I was 15. I am 26 years now, and she still hunts my dreams. I fell in love again two years ago, and although she left me then, I am still deeply wonded and could never cure from the blow. I know it is very painful, but there is no way for me out of love. I only have ways in. As a matter of fact, people are so good at repressing their feelings, and pretending they feel nothing for the ex-lovers. Do not listen to any of us; Listen to your heart.
luvtoto Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 ...As a matter of fact, people are so good at repressing their feelings, and pretending they feel nothing for the ex-lovers... that's probably what they are doing with all those distractions...
luvtoto Posted December 5, 2005 Posted December 5, 2005 If you are emotionless and don't know what love is, yet you throw the word love around like mad, then it will be easy. Some people are heartless... and they will feel good to themselves when they put you through hell and make it out to be all your fault.. and it makes it easier on them knowing you are pining for them. Most times they will jump right into another relationship. Wow, ck guy, you just described my x-fiance. He was caught cheatin' 3 mo's after he asked me to marry him...then after getting dumped, he sued ME to get my engagement ring back. (He didn't get it) I am over it now. My point is that he didn't have any problem moving on. Little prick. Hurt like hell!! He ended up marrying little miss 'cheat-e' a year later. She treats him like sh##. To this day, I occasionally wonder how the hell he got over our 3 year relationship so quickly. Made me feel like *nothing*. Lookin' back now, I clearly see the bullet I dodged.
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