heartnsoul Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I feel like I'm crawling outta my skin! Christmas music...Holiday cheer...ex boyfriend coming back to haunt me! Please, help me! I have an ex in which I spent 8 (not so good years) with trying to make his re entry. I don't know how to handle it and have been feeling so emotionally vulnerable for the past few months. I don't want to handle this right now! After over two years of separation he phoned me about a month and a half ago. He originally came to me with "Hey, you know me best and I'm trying to figure myself out" I was fine with it, at first. Now, he's calling daily and I think his intentions are to rekindle something that is long since gone! I haven't said anything because only within the last few days have I started to question his motives. I agreed to dinner this past Friday night and due to his tardiness and my lack of desire to go out, I cancelled. He then left me a drunken extremely nasty voice mail (calling me a loser) as a matter of fact and I've refused to take anymore calls. He called three times yesterday and once today already and I know he'll keep it up until I answer but I'm afraid I'm gonna blow! I want to nip this in the bud because he was a very destructive influence for a major part of my life but I'm starting to feel fear of consequences. He's on a mission.
bendit Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Fool me once, shame on you....Fool me twice, shame on me
slubberdegullion Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Fool me once, shame on you....Fool me twice, shame on me Or, as the Leader of the Free World, George W. Bush said, "Fool me once, shame on... uh... er... me... no... uh.... well... we can't get fooled again... uh..."
Outcast Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Answer the damn phone and tell him you're not interested. You're not helping the situation by not saying 'anything' and not answering the phone!
Author heartnsoul Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 Have you ever feared someone? I'm afraid of him. I haven't felt these feelings in a lonnng time but fear that I haven't felt in years is starting to bubble back up. Yes, it's very simplistic to think I answer the phone and say 'Leave me alone' However, I'm not dealing with a rational person. As a matter of fact...he was recently diagned with being bi polar. He was very abusive to me back in the day and after his message Friday night...he hasen't changed. He stalked, he threatened, and for whatever reason has put me back on his radar. He intimidates me and now that I know nothing has changed over these years apart...I'm feeling ill at ease. How do you reject someone who isn't rational??
bendit Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 ok time for some tough love. YOU let this person back into your life. He was gone for two years and you let him back in. You answered the phone because after two years, you were "Afraid" of him? I'm sorry I just can't buy the victim role you are now playing although I feel sorry for what YOU have gotten yourself back into here. I mean, it couldn't be more clear that you invited this problem back into your life and now you are BLAMING him? As for what to do now, if you TRULY want away from the drama (its not at all clear you do), you talk to him one last time and tell him you never want to have contact again. And then you VANISH. And this time, hopefully you really do. regards
Outcast Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Make it about you. Invent an illness. Say you're too depressed to be in any relationship. Sell him whatever he'll buy as a reasonable excuse. Say you have fibromyalgia and are too tired to go out. Or anemia. Or something else believable. Just be sure you don't end up going the places he goes. Tape his messages and start making notes of the times he calls you but the police won't help you unless you first ask him to stop calling so you have to figure out a way to do that that won't infuriate him. I figure an imaginary illness is your best bet.
Author heartnsoul Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 ok time for some tough love. YOU let this person back into your life. He was gone for two years and you let him back in. You answered the phone because after two years, you were "Afraid" of him? I'm sorry I just can't buy the victim role you are now playing although I feel sorry for what YOU have gotten yourself back into here. I mean, it couldn't be more clear that you invited this problem back into your life and now you are BLAMING him? regards You're right...I allowed the "in" to happen (I'm gonna claim ignornace there) However, I didn't take his original call out of fear. That's where you're wrong. I figured enough time had passed...some growing up and change was possible. It was well and good and seemed innocent enough that he was feeling the need to know where his 'weaknesses' were and how I perceived him. The fact that we'd been together for so long validated (to me) him seeking out knowledge from me. However, at the onset of this I didn't feel anykind of 'threat'. These feelings I'm having are growing due to his persistance in his attempt at daily contact with me. As well as the message (that I have saved) from Friday. That's what's triggering my fear. I'm not a mean person and in fact I'm too forgiving. I thought his initial contact was innocent enough and that's where I may've been wrong. I'm not here to play victim. I just wanted to vent. I'm going to handle this situation and hope for the best. That's all. Thanks for the feed back. Outcast ~ Thank you. I'm gonna tell him to kindly go away and that I'm not in a position to handle him right now (which isn't off base nor a lie) I have saved every message he's left.
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