chickenleggs Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Hello Everyone I am 37 years old and have been seeing a beautiful 27year old girl now for over 2 years.I have never clicked like it with anyone in my life and we have so much fun together. The problem started about 6 weeks ago when she started a new job, the manager took a shine to her and starting flattering her and saying he was going to leave his misses of 17 years and 3 children and run away with her.I took it all with a pinch of salt, until the other day when i received a text from my girlfriend saying he had left his wife and they were going to live together and have kids. I am absolutely devastated by this and am in a right mess at the moment.I am blaming myself for not sweeping her away and now think it may be too late. The new man has plenty of money and is treating her like a princess.I have a struggling business and cant afford to treat her the way he does.I like to think the fun we had together was worth more than money. If she does like this man then who am i to stop them, but i am really hurting after 2 years of fabulous fun together it feels like my world has fell apart! she says she would like to stay friends with me but i find this hard knowing she is with another man. She is still texting me every day now asking me to meet up with her and we can still have fun together.I get the feeling that she wants me about when MM cant make it.She even told me she loves me on the phone the other day.I am now at the stage where i have turned off my phone as every time i speak to her or she texts me it upsets me too much.I am hoping that this relationship with MM fall through and she comes back to me, but i am also trying to move on with my life. Any help would be appreciated , sorry for wafflling on and thanks for any replys. _________________ chickenleggs
Sad green eyes uk Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Whatever you do, do not blame yourself for what she has done. I have done that too many times too, it is not worth the effort. She made the decision to leave you for another man. I don't know maybe she was overwhelmed with the fact that he actually left his wife and children to be with her and feels obligated to make a sacrifice for him. On the other hand she could just be a rather shallow person and be after his money. Either way if she loves you she would not have done it. Cut all contact with her now, as its only preventing you from healing. You do not have to torture youself with questions you know will never be answered now. She knows she has you as a safety net if you do not object to her telling you she loves you when you know damn well she is with another man. Take this time for you. When you are over this, find someone who is worthy, you sound like a nice guy. P.s Do not be her shoulder to cry on when she inevitably falls on her arse, because it will happen. Remember where was she when YOU were breaking your heart over her?
Author chickenleggs Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 thanks for the advice it really helps me out.I am going to try my hardest to cut all contact with her.I cant see how i can still be friends with her and do all the fun things we used to, when i know she is going with another man.Its her birthday today and she texted me and asked me to go and meet her and her girlfriend as they both miss seeing me.I refused as it doesnt feel right, as you say i need time to heal now. She told me that her and her MM are living together at her house but his wife and kids know nothing about her and she thinks he has moved in with a friend.Also she said he will be spending Christmas with his wife and kids.I find this all very strange dont know what to believe, she can exagerate sometimes.I also wonder why she wants me to go out with her practically every evening when she has her MM at home waiting for her.Like to hear your views people
Sad green eyes uk Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I know how hard it is to cut contact, but I have to try and be strong. You do too. As far as I can tell from what you have said you did nothing to deserve what she did to you. She sounds very immature and emotionally incapable of loving anyone. Does she have issues? You were right telling her you would not meet her, and the longer you continue to refuse her offers, the sooner she will get off her power trip. I predict she does not love this man she is with, and soon enough I have a feeling she will come crawling back to you. This is where you need to be strong. Unless of course she makes you believe that what she did was wrong and grovels for a long time. She sounds a bit like my ex in the way that she just cannot be alone, which she has proved by jumping in with both feet unaware of the consequenses. You will learn from this, and so will she.. the hard way.
Author chickenleggs Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 I think your are correct she does have issues.When we first met, i had only known her for a couple of weeks and she said she wanted to marry me and have kids with me and spend the rest of her life with me.I thought at the time , ive only known you for 2 short weeks lets not rush it love. She is quiet a manipulative person and likes things to go her way and we argued alot for a start.I always like to really get to know someone before i can make these sort of promises.I have really got to like her over the past 2 years and we had just started to get to know each other really well, we always used to say that we were like a married couple anyway and wherever we went people used to asume we were married . I think she likes all the passion and excitement that goes with the beggining of a relationship, but this always dies down after a while.Sometimes i think i may have become too boring for her.She texted me the other day and said she cant imagine the rest of her life without me, its a bit bloody late now! Once again thanks for your brilliant advice
Sad green eyes uk Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Her suggestion of rushing into things only after a few short weeks indicates to me that she's a very selfish and needy person. these people are never going to be happy with anyone else until they are happy with themselves. She is an unstable person, she is living in a dream world if she thinks she will find someone to have that 'honeymoon period' with forever. People like her do not know what love is. It makes me angry that too many people throw the 'i love you's' around like it was going out of fashion. They are in love with the idea of being in love, yet cannot fully understand what it means because they are too shallow to see beyond their own needs. Manipulative people are never good, my ex was one of those too and boy did she control me alot. I am taking the control now and not doing what I have in the past and given in and contacted her, or picked up the phone and answered her calls...whether it was 5pm of 5am. I give my ex a few weeks, she says she is with someone else now, though I am not 100% convinced of this. I know she will come crawling back, the same as I think your ex will too. If she did what would you do?
Author chickenleggs Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 At this very moment i would have her back tommorow, but this is why i am going to not contact her for a while so i can have some time to myself. My family and friends all say that she was not the one for me and that i should move on and find someone better as they know what she is like. I think the new fella is in for a bit of a shock when the honeymoon period is over as she will be expecting big things from him very quickly.She told me that he has said to her he wants her to wait until his kids have grown(5 years) up and then he will get a divorce and they can get married.I know this wont be good enough for her, there is no way she will be able to wait this long, i think things will get interesting in the new year. There is one good thing to come out of it at the moment, its her birthday today so........ No present, No card, No expensive meal, this new fella of hers is saving me a bloody fortune!!
CoolAunt Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Your soul mate is a flake. Yes. And she has the scruples of a politician.
Sad green eyes uk Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Chickenleggs honey, I know you would take her back in a flash, I'd do the same with my ex too. However YOU do not contact HER, your only crime is loving this woman who treated you like something she just stepped into. My family and friends also took an instant dislike to my ex, however I knew they did not know her like i did, so i took that risk. People only know what you decide to tell them. In your situation and mine I think we are both guilty of putting them up high on a pedestal only to now realise 'they're not all that'. Focus on the bad times to get you through wanting to contact her, I know that sounds harsh but it works for me. You are right about the saving money part too, sometimes not getting what you want is an indespensable part of happiness. Hang in there
CoolAunt Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 He's a fool if he takes her back. He should stop calling her his soul mate. Calling an unscrupulous flake his soul mate doesn't reflect well on chickenleggs. Chickenleggs, I think you were duped by a dishonest woman. She wasn't your soul mate. She was just pretending to be. Let her go. You can do better than her.
malachai Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Focus on the bad times to get you through wanting to contact her, I know that sounds harsh but it works for me. here's something you can focus on: this girl, one that you spent 2 years of your life with, is now calling you to tell you what her future plans are with somebody else. i don't know man, that seems pretty malicious to me. why not just tell her friends and not you? what is she doing by telling you of her "new" life? if she came back to you tomorrow, could you spend another 2 years with her without this little experience getting in the way? personally, that would always be festering away in my head, and i'd have all the fear, paranoia, anger, resentment, etc. that never works in a strong relationship. my two cents
westernxer Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 He should stop calling her his soul mate. I agree with you.
Author chickenleggs Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 bloody hell, youve made me feel a bit of a fool now, maybe i am.I wont be contacting her anymore, its time to move onwards and upwards to someone who appreciates me more!
westernxer Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 bloody hell, youve made me feel a bit of a fool now, maybe i am.I wont be contacting her anymore, its time to move onwards and upwards to someone who appreciates me more! That's the spirit.
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