My Own Story...very hard time in my life, she was everything now nothing

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Hi all,

 

These forums have been GREAT over the past 2 weeks or so since my Girlfriend split with me, been such a big help. You really don't feel alone on it after visiting here! I just thought I'd share my story and see if anyone could offer any advice during these hard times. And maybe it may help me typing it all

 

Me and my ex met last year in November, we always spoke about that day as the greatest day of our lives and will never forget it. Whenever we spoke about it we were both so happy, and realised how much we both meant to each other. She always said she thought stuff happened for a reason, and this was one of those things.

 

All the time we were together it was the happiest time of my life, and she told me it was hers. She came from a family who really had nothing to offer their kids and didn't really care, charging them to use loo roll etc. Basically jobless, horrible people. She hadn't been abroad, our family took her to Cuba (I paid half of that), hadn't been to the zoo (we took her there), the girl hadn't even been out of our own town here before. But I took her loads of places and showed her many things she never had before. And she was grateful, and it made me happy to see it. She said she could never imagine life without me and she was so so into me. So much I lost contact with old friends, she even scared many friends off who were girls.

 

Not a day would go by without hearing from her in some way shape or form, and we pretty much saw each other ALL of the time. This was probably one of the damaging parts of it all. But when she wasn't here, or I wasn't with her, we both felt like we wanted to be, so what was so wrong in it all?

 

Anyway, my family really let her into ours and I was the person who she actually ever really cared most about, a best friend, a boyfriend. She had never had someone so clsoe to her before, who cared for her and likewise. We lost our virginity together and it was both of our first realtionships, everything was so perfect.

 

There was a time when I stood back and told myself, "hold on, I'm only 19" I got scared, I thought I was gonig to be with the same woman all my life and in some ways I didnt like it. Yet in others, it was the best thing ever. I went through a bad time, I thought I liked someone else for about a day, I told her, we spoke about everything and after that it was all ok. I realised the most important thing to me in life and that was her. Ever since that time I've loved her more then ever.

 

There was a time earlier on in the realtionship where we nearly split up, due to soemthing she had said to another male. It ended up her crying on my doorstep etc I took her back, but that was the right choice. For the months after were better then ever.

 

The real change happened when I helped her get a new job. She went into a new job with lots of people her age group, and she seemed to be enjoying herself. Whenever I rang her at lunch or something I would hear her talking and laughing with these people like I've never heard her before, it was strange as she wasn't liek that with me anymore. In that phone call someone called out "your a boring bf! Marcus would be better"...I thought nothing of it, but did bring it up.

 

There was another time when I went to go find something for her down town and was passing by when she was coming out of work. So I rang and said I wasn't in the car like usual, I was outside. She came out with some guy and said bye to him, we both exchanged looks, she acted so so different. All giggley etc like she had been caught out. We spoke about it and I out it down to me being too protective and worrying, he was only a friend. Yet we could turn all these situations around, she use to be like that and still was.

 

The next blows were when we strated arguing more, over anything. But there were still really good times, I tiold her we only argued for a reason, and that was because we liked each other so much. And she agreed, all the way through she agreed. She told me she thought when I came to see her on lunch it felt like I was 'checking up on her' but that wasn't the case, I was seeing my gf cos she apparently went 'alone' to lunch. I thought she wanted me there, that hurt. Then she told me she didnt liek speaking to me on the phone because it wasn't the same as in person. One lunch I swear someone was there with her, but she denied yet she was trying to get me off the phone all lunch.

 

The final blow was recently, approx one week before our one year anniversary which she always use to go on about and look forward to. I really trusted her at this work do I took her too. She didnt want to go at first cos I wasn't allowed to go apparently, but I was ok with that and wanted her to have fun. So I took her and picked her up afterwards. She was a little tipsy when I picked her up, and I had to say 'hello' to her she didn't say it to me. But she kissed me in the car when I picked her up, such a weird kiss, more of a snog, not like her I blamed it on the alchol. That night at home she texts me and tells me that 'I hope you know how much you mean to me' amongst other things.

 

Next morning shes telling me how she doesn't think she feels the same about me anymore. I was ina right mess, she saw me crying my eyes out. That day we both went our own ways, she went to get some stuff sorted in town while I went for a walk.

 

She came back and told me sorry, and I had to make it straight with her that the 1 year anniversary was coming up and I didnt want to go through with it unless I knew she wanted me for how I wanted her. And she told me that she wasn';t saying it to make me feel any better she wanted to be with me for the rest of her life. Like she always had said, I remember her crying the first time she told me, with happiness.

 

Now I was confused, did she like me, or did she not? What had happened?

 

The next day at work I get one lousy phone call telling me she went to lunch earlier and she'd speak to me later. Very quick and everything. Up to this point, ever text etc was I love you so much etc etc etc. That night she went round somebodys house, two of ehr mates from work apparently, though she called me off a guys phone. She came round later that night to end it, and she said thank you to my parents and things and left. Her friends told her to do what her heart told her.

 

Next day or two shes crying on the phone to me asking if she done the right thing and that she wants to be friends. I couldn't do that, I needed to get over this girl who doesn't love me anymore. But the next day I decided I couldn't do it and asked if I could meet her for a talk she said "no you need to get over me". But I met her anyway near her house, I needed to for me. She blanked me loads and didn't help me much at all. She told me she didn't love me anymore and really wanted to get away. I ignored a phone call I got but when she got a text she held it up to her face, read it and smiled. I knew something was going on. I asked her there and then and she told me there wasn't anyone else.

 

She texts me after saying sorry she was like that but I needed to get over her etc and she was gonna be honest, there was someone else who she started seeing ONE DAY after we split. That said it all really. From that point she jsut got abusive.

 

I found out ona friday she had cheated on me at the work do I took her to. And she had lied to me ever since, and probably a few motnhs before. At a time when I was suppose to be being honest, and so was she. She didnt do her part though. I was so angry, I went down to her workplace and confronted her and the new person as they came out of work. It so wasn't like me to do that, and she knew that too. But I said 'you cheated on me' and her reaction was 'and...' and her reason was then 'because I hate you'. My heart sunk, the guy she done it with said he didn't no she had a bf etc...liar.

 

The next day she saw me in a bar with some people she use to know and calls me a hypocrite, a loser and loads of other abuse. And how her and the people at work were speaking of me, saying bad thignd about me. When she knew, deep down, what a great person I was to her. In a text she called me 'the best person shes ever known' things changed so quickly ina few days. She was also boasting about how she now had 'm8's' and was going to these bars she was too young to be in. She never really had lots of 'm8's before so maybe that played a part.

 

Last thing I heard from her was on our year anniversary where she rang me to make sure I wasn't gonna be outside her work again, which I wasn't. I asked her for an apology nicely and she refused, and hung up. And that was suppose to be the happiest day for us. Yet us didn't exist anymore.

 

I'm now playing the 'no contact' thing. But I see her about, like at the bus stop chatting on the phone to someone shes gonna see in 20 mins later at work. She only lives across the road. it's just so weird being so close and then being nothing. And also knowing that the person you truly care for and thought truly cared for you now doesn't and treats you like your her worse enemy. I never thought she could be like that towards me, she really did care for me that much.

 

So after rubbing it in about her new bloke is better (even tho she said bad thigns about him before, change from me her does drugs etc) and shes having mroe fun then ages. I've decided I need to get over the girl, though it is hard. I've had a knock of confidence too, as this guys not that great looking to be honest. I've started to jog around my area and bought a punch bag. I've started seeing friends more and going out to clubs and things. I just see her everywhere though, and I can't get attracted to other girls that easily at all, as none of them are her.

 

I really miss her and wish to speak to her again, but in a manner where she appricaites what I done for her and she doesn't hate me. But will that ever be? Will she ever realise? She sure knew before. Now shes jsut all tied up in her new life of friends from work and going to bars shes too young to drink in. I was to show her that, when she was 18 and old enough.

 

She is young, I've got to accept it. I always knew something like this could possibly happen, but not if the person truly loved me. I think she did, then she went off of me due to new people etc. Something fresh. I've seen she can be a really horrible person now, but I can still remember the old her and want her back in some ways. But most of all I want to move on, but it is very very hard at the moment. She takes over my dreams etc.

 

She still wears a ring on her finger which she always saw that symbolised 'us' and I only realised she had this yesterday. It was q expensive and she really likes it, I jsut hope one day she will look at it, realise what she has done and apoligise to me and treat me in the correct manner.

 

Until that day she can get on with her life and I can get on with me. But I hope she sticks to her words, which she was saying jsut after we broke up, that not a day will go past where she won't think of me. And also remember me as 'that perfect bf...who was maybe too perfect' like she said also.

 

I worry about what the girl is eating these days, her family never fed her. I still care for her, but it seems she doesn't to me anymore.

 

How she can throw it all away I do not know, but that is life. I will always remember the good old her and our moments, I hope she doesn't hate me and does the same. And I hope we can speak sometime in the future.

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Sorry for that long post, but believe me...I could of wrote alot more! Theres so much other stuff too.

 

All I have to say is she was perfect for me, a really really really naturally gorgeous girl and everything. Thats why it is so hard to move on.

[chocolate_boy]

Sorry to hear you've been put through this dude. It is hard and very dissapointing when you put your faith into somebody and love them, and they turn around and dissapoint you in this way.

 

But you can't beat yourself up over things that are out of your control.

I've been through a break-up recently, my ex told me all the things yours did, she was the same, happy, smiley, beautiful etc. turns out she turned her feelings for me off or hiding them. Either way, they don't want to be with us anymore, after everything we went through with them and all the love we showed.

 

These people we tried to make happy looked at us and our "great relationships" and decided to try their luck elsewhere.

 

Nothing WE can do about it bud... need to move on...

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Yep, out of our hands and just gotta move on with life and everything else. All we be ok one day. Just seeing it as a lesson really, its just such a shame thats all. I shame that at one point it was all ok and we both wanted the same thing. But oh how feelings can change...

 

I wonder what the future will bring in terms of me and her, whether I wille ver get an apology or if she will ever realise what she may of thrown away.

[chocolate_boy]

Yep, out of our hands and just gotta move on with life and everything else. All we be ok one day. Just seeing it as a lesson really, its just such a shame thats all. I shame that at one point it was all ok and we both wanted the same thing. But oh how feelings can change...

 

I wonder what the future will bring in terms of me and her, whether I wille ver get an apology or if she will ever realise what she may of thrown away.

 

Yeah mine's the same, we were very compatible, both want to travel do the same things in life, both amibitious people (that's what she liked about me so much).

 

I have been broken up for 2 months now, and I have also wondered about the future, and as I have detailed in another thread, we had been getting on well again this last week and went out on a date on friday, kissed, held hands etc. but then she looked me dead in the eyes and told me she didn't love me anymore or want to be with me...

 

I wouldn't wish that on anyone else, so I would advise you stay well away. It feels like day one of the break-up for me again now, back to depression, no sleep/eating etc. You need to stay away for your own good, trust me on this, don't let her mess with your head.

[d'Arthez]

Hi,

 

I am really sorry to see what happened. But at the same time, you appear to handle the whole thing quite well, and as strange as it sounds, that is where the "perfect boyfriend" shines through most of all. Take your time to heal from this relationship, and the hurt.

 

Of course you will not get her back, and you have a million reasons stated why that would not be a good idea. As for her behavior, you must understand one thing: that her explanations and abuse are not true of you, but are reflections of the fact that she screwed up. If she made the mistakes, and you did not, she cannot say to others the truth. Because that would make her appear the bad girl in this. So she has to "reinvent" you, make out that you are the <insert expletives>. It is her way to justify what she did - to justify the unjustifiable.

 

What good will an apology on her part do? Nothing. It cannot restore the relationship. It does not take away the lies and the deception. It is normal to keep thinking of that, but realize that an apology only means that she admits she has not behaved well. And from what you have written, the facts speak for themselves. But it takes time to adjust to the new image of this woman. Give yourself that time.

 

Take your time to heal, and in as far as you keep thinking of what you had, try to look at the mistakes also. You pointed out a few you made. You won't get her back with that, but it will help to make your future relationships better.

 

What good does beauty do? Her beauty is not what counts. But her character is. And you have discovered, rather painfully, that her character is not what you thought it was.

 

Hopefully your next girlfriend will see and appreciate the qualities you have, and you have many. That is what really counts.

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Thanks for that reply, really has put things more into perspective.

 

I do know the mistakes I made, and I told her, I hope we can both learn by them.

 

There was one big thing that happened when I foudn out she cheated that may have changed alot. I got so angry i went down to her workplace.

 

Something you said could be true, she sent a text and it said after 'i bet you think the people at work think bad of me now...but they don't...we were all saying (at some new bar she went to) what a d******** you are'.

 

I replied telling her, she knows deep down.

 

And about the true person she really is. I really don't know what is. The person I kenw was so kind and caring, yet to others she would actually be like this. I am jsut one of them others now, but I shouldn't be. Since the break up I haven't heard one good word about her at all, from what people use to know. All the girls hate her for what she is like etc. Its jsut so weird cos its not the person I use to know.

 

Thanks for the reply

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Oh and I alreayd have learnt something from this breakup about myself, and I've put so much time into her and not me.

 

Now I've tried my best with me, I'm going out alot more then I use to, and I'm working on myself with running and boxing. It also makes me feel a lot better.

 

So there is some good.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Monkey_With_Attitude,

 

you seem to be on the road to getting over your ex already! its a good thing when you learn something like your ex cheated... you just say f*** that and it helps you move on so in an ironic way its a good thing...

 

one of my friends had his gf start going out with his best friend in his own house... because she was so bad for doing this he basically moved on straight away!

 

the problem I have is that my recent ex as good as I know didn't do anything bad so it makes it worse!

 

i think you deserve someone better... you'll discover this one day... you'll look back and say to yourself "what was I doing"

 

it's still hard though!

[monkeybars]

There's definitely a lesson in this past relationship. You mentioned that she was always so kind and true to you, but not nescessarliy to others. I guess what I am getting at is that people show you who they are all the time. You loved her, but she showed her true inside to you many times.

 

I was in a similar situation, my ex would be the most loving, kind man around me, but, even in the beginning, I would see traces of his true nature, that disturbed me, and would think to myself--Maybe one day I am going to be on the receiving end of that..and low and behold, I was.

 

The lesson: Watch how people treat others that might not be on their agenda --that's how one day you will be treated. People show you who they are if you look for it.

 

Good luck, and thank your lucky stars that you no longer have someone that cruel in your life..you're better than that.

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Monkeybars, thanks for showing me that, it is very true.

 

She would express her true mean ways towards me sometimes, but then realise what she was doing and apoligise. Never to the extent of how mean this is though. She would always stress out at me for the smallest things, and she was quite competitive. But I kenw that was what she could be like, and I tried to help her change throughout the year, which I thought I had achieved to a certain extent.

 

A very kind, caring girl if she felt the same way, otherwise very heartless.

 

One story, which happened many a time was quite embrassing for me. And that is why I tried to change her ways. My goal was always to turn her into something a little better, a better person so to speak. And in soem ways I thought I had achieved. Obviously I gave her to much of a good thing, and dedicated to much of my time towards her and not myself. Which is why I focus on myself now.

 

Anyway, the embrassing things she use to do. You'd be walking down a street and someone would have something she didn't like about them. So she would say it, quite clearly, just as they walked past. I tried to tell her about others feelings, and maybe to tell me in private a little while down the road or something but that didn't stop her. She would blurt out what she thought about innocent people, and hurt them. I would just shake my head and try to explain.

 

I think this is due to her roots and family upbringing.

 

Another example is in the bank I go in to cash in cheques etc. There would be a cashier who was female but was slightly hairy, facially. She would just stare and laugh, making it quite obvious to the person. I would hate to feel that uncomfortable.

 

She always told me I was too nice, and needed to stop being like it.

 

But I think, in these examples, I just thought of other peoples feelings, and put myself in their posititions. Whereas, for her, it was all about her with no thought of anyone else.

 

But to treat the person who had made the BIGGEST impression of her life like nothing etc and abuse me is just WRONG. I tried my best and I get it all in my face.

 

A very young mind she has on her. One more example of what she was like sorry. Apparently someone at her old sixth form (she started working in an office) had told her sister she saw her walking down town holding some other boys hand and not mine (possibly true now who knows lol) and she got very furious about it. She knew a sixth form opening evening was happening and wanted to go down there and take on this person, while I was saying to her no, and she doesn't go there anymore so jsut leave it be. If they want to speak about you even though your gone let them, no point making a bigger thing of it out of nothing. And she wanted me to coem with her but I refused. She knew I hated conflict and I just thought she was pathetic for this, and I told her.

 

And she went and shouted at an old friend of hers, tracked her down in burger king, for apparently giving someone her number. And once to the same girl, walked in the place she worked and went off on one at her...the reason I forgot.

 

And everybody knew her as this girl, and thats probably why nobody liked her. But I didn't think it was the same girl I was dating, until now.

 

On the whole, a heartless selfish person.

[monkeybars]

You're lucky that you no longer have to deal with her,. I had a friend once who would do tghat-make comments about people on the street, intentionally mean and loud enough that they would overhear. It's cruel and uncalled for. I am no longer her friend, I just don't have the space for someone that can be that mean.

 

To be honest, someone who does act that way is completely unhappy and insecure with themselves. They lash out at other people, because they feel so worthless inside, and to make someone else feel bad, makes themselve feel somewhat good until the high of someone else's bruised ego wears off, and the cycle starts again.

 

You also need to realise, that you cannot help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. She needs to make that journey on her own. This is something I learned in my last relationship, I tried to help him, and make him into the man I knew was in there. But what I learned was-It's not my place to do that-He needs to want it himself, and do it himself. And it's not my place to judge him and try and change him. My fault for making the judgements, my fault for trying to make him into something that he may not be capable of being, or even wants to be. He is a wonderful man-but, he makes bad decisions, that with my life experience (I was older by many years)-I tried to stop him from making those mistakes. But you know what? That's what life is about, making those stupid, life altering mistakes, I made them, I should allow him to make them as well. NOT my place to try and alter his life path.

 

Even though he has hurt me tremendously, I can forgive him, and I can let him go on his journey. I hope that he does wake up soon and alter his path, but I know that it's not my business how he goes about things.

 

For while I did demonize him -made him into this unfeeling, hateful being, but, now, eh--he's who he is, working with what he has to work with. There is a great man in there, and every once in awhile it comes shining out like the sun, but he has his past demons to put to reat, and quite frankly, I don't know if he will be able to do it. I hope he can, because he deserves the best that this life has to offer.

 

Let her go and let her find her own path. She may or may not find it, it's not for you to do for her.

 

Good luck! And look for someone who is where you are-not someone you can rescue!

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Just thought i;d follow up on this after amotnh of no contact...now a text.

 

Would love to hear some views.

 

Bit of background before I write the text, last time we spoke was in a call where she rang me and asked if I was gonna be otuside her wpork again to emrass her, then I said after syaing no "Salina...you still haven't apoligised to me" and to that she told me I wasn't going to get one and hung up on me while I was in mid sentance.

 

And tonight, after doing so well, I get a text. Comes at a time when its come back into my mind the past 3 days, I miss her quite a bit but have to be strong. I've been out alot mroe, having fun and I HAVE found the old me again. So many people have noticed it, but best of all, I have noticed it. Just wish she coulda seen it a bit more.

 

The text:

 

"I no its a bit l8 now. Bt im sory for 4 wot I did. i rly am. i dnt xpect u 2 4give me, just tellin u, cos i realise that i shulda sed it ages ago"

 

Thought about texting her back, even ringing her. Had to stop myself. I don't want to play mr nice guy, but I want to see how she is etc. If anything, she should be being mrs nice to me after how I've been treated by her since I found out.

 

Maybe now she will realise what a horrible person she has been and feels guilty for it. Shes so predictable, if I was gonna get a text it would be sunday evening when shes at home for the longest time.

 

ALso, amongst all this, I go jogging after work around my area, part of the whole 'improving myself' thing. I saw a bus go past me on thursday, next thing I know I jog past someone (was very dark) I was pretty tired cos of the running so my head wasn't all there. But I DID run past her. She had got off that bus, crossed the road and walked in the opposite direction to her house. As if she saw me and wanted to cross me on purpose. Nothing was said, I jsut jogged past. Take into account, her house is in the OTHER direction and she had no meaning to be on that side of the road or walking that way. She got the bus home after work.

 

Strange that.

[meltwithme]

Hi all,

She came out with some guy and said bye to him, we both exchanged looks, she acted so so different. All giggley etc like she had been caught out. We spoke about it and I out it down to me being too protective and worrying, he was only a friend. Yet we could turn all these situations around, she use to be like that and still was.

 

Then she told me she didnt liek speaking to me on the phone because it wasn't the same as in person. One lunch I swear someone was there with her, but she denied yet she was trying to get me off the phone all lunch.

 

That night at home she texts me and tells me that 'I hope you know how much you mean to me' amongst other things.

 

Next morning shes telling me how she doesn't think she feels the same about me anymore. I was ina right mess, she saw me crying my eyes out. That day we both went our own ways, she went to get some stuff sorted in town while I went for a walk.

 

 

But the next day I decided I couldn't do it and asked if I could meet her for a talk she said "no you need to get over me". But I met her anyway near her house, I needed to for me. She blanked me loads and didn't help me much at all. She told me she didn't love me anymore and really wanted to get away. I ignored a phone call I got but when she got a text she held it up to her face, read it and smiled. I knew something was going on. I asked her there and then and she told me there wasn't anyone else.

 

She texts me after saying sorry she was like that but I needed to get over her etc and she was gonna be honest, there was someone else who she started seeing ONE DAY after we split. That said it all really. From that point she jsut got abusive.

 

I found out ona friday she had cheated on me at the work do I took her to. And she had lied to me ever since, and probably a few motnhs before. At a time when I was suppose to be being honest, and so was she. She didnt do her part though. I was so angry, I went down to her workplace and confronted her and the new person as they came out of work. It so wasn't like me to do that, and she knew that too. But I said 'you cheated on me' and her reaction was 'and...' and her reason was then 'because I hate you'. My heart sunk, the guy she done it with said he didn't no she had a bf etc...liar.

Think about all that again. It won't take much for her to do this to you again if she finds someone more interesting, 'phuk me once shame on you, phuk me twice shame on me.'

[Neptune]

You are never alone

 

If you have a monkey with attitude I recommend you spank it:laugh:

[Dmeech]

monkey with attitude,

 

Same exact thing happened with my ex. Only we dated for 4.5 yrs. started at 16, and she broke up with me about 4 weeks ago for another guy. She didn’t cheat on me though. Everything was great, I was so involved in her life and her family. She told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her, we were so in love. All of our friends thought we were the perfect couple. Her parents were in love with me, my parents were in love with her, and we were making plans of getting married after college. She met another guy in one of her classes, and ended up dumping me 4 days later after she met him. Well at first she wanted to go on a break, but she realized that he was interested in her and turned the "break" into a "break up." About a week after she went on "break" with me, she started dating this guy. I guess the love was gone on her side.

 

The emotional stress is killing me. We were each others firsts so I feel very emotionally attached to her. After 4.5 years, my life was focused on her, and now that she is gone, I feel very very alone.

 

Never thought this would happen to me, I thought I found my soul mate and was very very happy with her. I guess just shows that things rarely turn out the way you plan them to.

 

I guess I have to start the whole dating thing again. But with the dating thing, I feel like I'm missing out on 4.5 yrs of knowledge accumulation about dating and relationships... this is going to be a very hard learning experience because I know I am going to get rejected several times before I find someone. The whole emotional stress of rejection, lack of "skill", and the break up are taking their toll on my emotional state. I sought counseling and probably going to get on some meds because I feel like I'm starting to get depressed.

 

After 4 weeks, I still have trouble sleeping, lack appetite, do not want to do anything. I need to dig myself out of this whole she pushed me into... it is not going to be an easy road, but if I don't make attempts, it is going to take even longer.

[itwontdawnsooner]

it is too "l8" for her. you seem to be holding together, as hard as it is. but even if you miss her, a part of you knows opening up the line of communication is opening up a line of hurt. the only way it isnt, is if youre completely over her and feel like a platonic relationship is easy for you to do. if you wanted that. but what you two had is in the past now. doesnt make it less important to you, but its in the past. stay the course!

[Monkey_With_Attitude]

Thanks, I think stay the course too...

 

Had a tough day at work today, went to bed last night not texting back and sticking to it. Keeping NC was the best way.

 

I go into work, get a few more opinions and the majority is don't text her back. Not like the text was asking for a text back anyway. Then one person totally gives me a diff view, telling me to be the nice guy I am and reply.

 

Totally confused me and at one point I was in the mind that I was gonna text back later on and say "Better late then never." Quite simply.

 

But then whats the point? What position will that put me in? At least right now I feel in control, and that she is hopefully realising what a spiteful, horrible, heartless person she has been. Hope it teaches her a lesson in life.

 

If I texted back I wouldn't get a reply, but to be honest, i'd be hoping for one. I'd then be feeling like shes in control again, thinking ohhh hes ok with it. Now she must think i hate her for what shes done, damn right.

 

But I don't...strangely enough. Its a huge mix of emotions. I want to speak to her, I want to see how she is, I want us to have times together again. Recently I can't get her off my mind, its got worse, espically since the text.

 

The text meant nothing, it was her just getting it off her chest. She wasn't expecting a reply, I won't give one. So is that it? I don't want it to be, not at all, I want her to be a part of my life later, as strange as it sounds. Or maybe time will heal?

 

I miss her, I miss her so much.

 

Its so strange how people can do the most horrible things but you can still feel fondly for them.

 

If she wants anything out of this she will try. The text she sent wasn't trying that at all. We'll see what happens...I'll text back if she sends me a different 'type' of message, or rings me, or even speaks to me in person. Not some lousy 'im sorry i shoulda said it ages ago theres your sorry message one month late'

 

Realtionships, they can be the best things and worse things in life. Crazy.

[itwontdawnsooner]

youre doing well. youre right, texting her will make you feel vulnerable and that text doesn't offer much of anything or put much effort. and its damn l8. sorry, haha.

 

but really, enough is enough. and you're right, relationships can put you through all kinds of hell, to the point where you're wondering - that hell place, don't sound to bad. ha. of course they can have the opposite effect too. can't live without taking risks. cant take risks without making some "mistakes" - i don't know, but you are doing well. you miss her, yes. but if you text back you're opening yourself up to hurt. worth the risk?