...I think I want to end my marriage

[reddog63]

I think this subject is a difficult one because you can see logic on both sides of the fence. At least I do. I am an Engineer, so I always weigh the evidence to make my decision. Well, thats what has made it a roller coaster of emotions at times because I can see both views. There is no clear answer!

 

I do find it helpful to read other posts on this subject!

[a4a]

I think this subject is a difficult one because you can see logic on both sides of the fence. At least I do. I am an Engineer, so I always weigh the evidence to make my decision. Well, thats what has made it a roller coaster of emotions at times because I can see both views. There is no clear answer!

 

I do find it helpful to read other posts on this subject!

 

Red that is my problem in many situations as well. That is when you got to take the leap and go with gut instinct.

 

a4a

[CentoStelle]

Hi, I tempted fate on Saturday, and sat down with my SO in an attempt to bridge this GRAND CANYON of gap I am feeling. I am on one side desperately seeking to address this 'missing chunk', he is on the other side, possibly a little confused and not sure where I am coming from. It did end up in tears, me, he remained a little stoic...what transpired is too complicated to explain, but in the end, I was the one breaking down!! Its because I've given it so much thought and emotion - I guess he still needs to digest some of it.

 

[bOLD]Wouldn't you think that two people in sync would have sussed this out by now?[bOLD]

 

It dawned on me, that letting him go would be like tearing off a limb, a comfortable, secure side of me would need to be ripped apart and exposed to uncertainty and lonliness...it was a necessary 'test' for me. I need to understand fully what this means emotionally, financially etc. Nothing was set or resolved but it was an important step for both of us.

[a4a]

Cento it is great that you are communicating with him. And yes it will leave you raw because you are hurting. I hope you can work it out with your husband. It will be a long road regardless of your choice. Best wishes to you.

 

a4a

[Devils Advocate]

So let me get this straight. You have decided to drop what sounds like a better marriage than most of us ever see because it’s missing something you can’t name, explain, or elucidate. Due to this missing something, you have decided to assume that what you can’t define can’t ever be made or exist in the current ‘good run’ but can only be found externally.

 

First I would suggest figuring out what need is not being fulfilled. Perhaps it required your participation for that need to work. Like dancing, he can do the tango all he wants by himself, but it won’t work and fulfill anyone’s needs unless you participate too.

Also let me make sure we are clear that you are expecting someone new who has little invested in you to care more about a missing need that keeps you from being fulfilled than the person that has stuck with you for 7 years. Before you jump, please let me know what you are offering that person that they would work that hard for you without any history?

 

Now for the going out and finding that someone new... well let's examine the dating pool you'll get to choose from.

 

When you met your beau, the selection pool was the largest it would ever be in your life (short of moving to a big city). In this large pool, you met and acquired a mate. Now you have three kids, and the mate is still a good man. You're ready to throw him back into the pool against his will, and climb back into the same pool.

 

While you were having kids, and building a life, and such, things did not hold still.

 

At 21 a majority of contemporaries were free to bandy about. Both sides of the pile consist of potential. Raw potential. Both sides will have their super successes and their super losses and a majority in the middle. Given your description, you did middle to upper middle.

 

As the years go by selection starts to occur and that selection starts changing the makeup of the pool of prospective mates.

 

If the make up was 30 percent good to great, 30 percent average middle, and 30 percent bottom… after a few years the good to greats get selected out. For each year that you wait, you have a smaller pool of never married good to great men that have not been having run-ins with transformational witches.

 

It is only natural that there would be a skew towards retaining better people longer, and so the pool of the best choices has shrunk. Other players have been added to the pool. You now have players, divorced, cohabits, etc. you still have the bottom third that hasn’t or can’t marry, etc. (the real numbers are not important for you to get a feel for the dynamics).

 

This continues, and the demographic then adds, twice, thrice divorced, and never married with multiple kids, etc.

 

By the time you get to the age in which you threw back a good fish (because you wanted a bicycle to get around, though you don’t have anywhere to go), majorities have been married. Even today. When you do this you'll then be entering a pool that was completely different than what you remember.

 

First of all, the best of the best catches are not available. Women like you grabbed them and took them out of the market (didn’t know you had a great one, did you? though you said it yourself!). If the women are decent, those men will NEVER enter the market again, and they don’t.

 

Your pool is made up of a higher pool of losers who for many reasons are not suitable. Tons of rightfully divorced men, and wrongfully divorced men (like yours), who are in many varying stage of bitterness and wariness.

 

Basically you're ready to throw away a good catch to dive into a barrel of other people’s empties and never tested's to get a better catch! (and don’t forget you'll convert your good catch to a bad catch when you abandon him for not being perfect. So technically, you can’t go back their either, he will always be wary of you now).

 

You forgot that while you were confident in your relationship, your skills and such at seducing strangers and reading them got worse, while their skills at hiding their faults got better!

 

First you'll start having problems finding a man whose maturity matches his age. By what ruler are you measuring? If you are trying to compare the maturity of a man who has given 10 years of his life to his family selflessly giving a “good ride” against a person who has not married ever, then perhaps you don’t realize where that maturity comes from. I would start to list out how you define maturity, and then when you are done, see if your definition applies to a woman that does what you're planning to do.

 

 

You'll meet alot of men who expect sex on the first date, these are the ones that have passed the market point. You forgot to look at your competition, and in which competitive group your in now. Your competition are young women who want to screw and don’t want to marry. They want to have fun and such and so they need experience and resource full men. You are also competing with a large pool of nevermarried non-integrateable wenches that spend their time turning men into frogs while pretending to date them. Then there are the successful emasculating women, of which you are trying to emulate them a bit (without first looking at the rewards they garner). And there is the group your in, the disgruntled over 30 know it alls that looked before they leaped, never leapt, and don’t understand where they have ended up. Many are not fully cognizant of their position and of course do not act contrite enough in their search.

 

The men that are in their 30s-40s and never married were the pools of average guys that would have been good selections like your husband was (the majority not all). They never got married because they were dealt out of the game (that you never played, and are ready to jump into, like it or not). The young ladies wanted the best looking guys to play with, and so they ignored these guys. You thought the world would continue the same once you closed your doors and windows and made a home. It didn’t, and now you are ready to leave the house in bad weather.

 

There are men that don’t know what a portfolio is, these are men you can’t take their portfolios from! What? Did you think you would leave your husband, enter the market, find Mr. wealthy, Mr. Friendly, well adjusted, not attached, and searching for a women of your age. AND be stupid enough to have assets and stuff you can then take if it doesn’t work out?

 

Given that a majority of the men that get to their 30s and want to marry will choose you since you have nothing to offer them. It makes no sense to think that you could acquire one of the portfolio men, when your competition are under 25, beautiful, don't have a history of cutting and running on a good thing, want less, AND CAN STILL HAVE BABIES.

 

 

Now I will say a few personal things. You were and are a fool, and you are about to get what you deserve. Your ex is not getting what he deserved. You both made a promise to each other. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. You broke that covenant and think that doing so leads to benefits.

 

There is an old saying, actually several that fit your problem. Look before you leap. Don’t burn your bridges. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know.

 

Personally. I feel sorry for you.

 

You better start sizing up what you are offering now. What is it? What is it that you are offering that they can’t get anywhere else?

Note that unless your rich your list will always be the same as everyone else’s, strike loyalty and fidelity.

 

Not my words, simply paraphrasing someone a great deal smarter than me or you.

[reddog63]

You can make it sound like we are crazy devils advocate............but there is a very strong inner urge to love the person you are with.

 

Alls I can say is you have to walk in our shoes to understand. On one hand I see your points, and on the other I can not imagine not having that connection for the rest of my life.

 

I might get some responses...........work on relationship, etc........but I am not sure you can get those feelings back once lost.

[Outcast]

Standing ovation, DA!!!

but I am not sure you can get those feelings back once lost.

 

Yeah you can.

[FWIW]

You were and are a fool, and you are about to get what you deserve. Your ex is not getting what he deserved. You both made a promise to each other. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. You broke that covenant and think that doing so leads to benefits.

 

Good grief DA!!! If you're the Devils Advocate, I'd love to hear what God's Advocate would say on the matter!

 

The marriage vows are worth taking extremely seriously, I won't doubt that, but if you've lost ALL BELIEF in them, then it makes a mockery of the whole thing. To carry on is deceiving yourself AND your partner. One of the vows is "to love" - so if that vow cannot be kept then the whole thing's over - null and void - any part of the vows broken means the whole lot are meaningless. Contract Broken. Nobody can seriously expect you to plod on with a broken contract that makes a fool of everyone, ruining both lives in the process!

 

I think you're being way too negative about the prospects of finding someone new. You can't write-off everyone still single as a waste of space. With divorce rates as high as they are there will always be a supply of newly singles... and it doesn't mean you're a waste of space if you divorce - there are good people for who it simply didn't work out.

 

Compared to a lifetime with the wrong partner, a lifetime of HOPE and opportunities is a better option - even if it's not fun fun fun all the way. It only takes ONE good relationship to improve upon what you left - if you've left something that was beyond repair.

 

I don't think so much emphasis should be placed upon "what will life be like after leaving?" because in many ways it's irrelevant. The real question is "is it worth staying?", and if the answer is "NO!" then you leave and deal with the consequences as a separate issue. It's up to all of us to rebuild our lives and make the best of them. Don't let fear of the unknown cloud your judgement.

 

Best wishes

[rble618740]

More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages. Doesn't this fact lend some support to a claim that many people who thought a different spouse/partner was the answer were wrong?

[FWIW]

More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages. Doesn't this fact lend some support to a claim that many people who thought a different spouse/partner was the answer were wrong?

 

Not necessarily! It just proves that once you know you can handle divorce, you're more likely to resort to it - would it be better if these people had stayed in a dismal marriage, doomed to live out their days simply putting up with things in misery? No!

 

And just because you divorce once doesn't suddenly make you an expert on relationships! Expecting all second marriages to be perfect simply isn't realistic - how are the people involved supposed to be any the wiser in life (other than having had a failed marriage)?

 

I'd rather see the statistics of:

How many first-time marriages are genuinely happy, overall?

How many second-time marriages are genuinely happy, overall?

And.. ask yourself how many marriages would have been happy if divorce had never been not possible? Some of the figures about second-timers that you might be basing opinions upon might be seen in a different light altogether if they included people who WOULD divorce if they could, but can't face it.. etc.

 

It's never as simple as some would paint it

[whichwayisup]

It dawned on me, that letting him go would be like tearing off a limb, a comfortable, secure side of me would need to be ripped apart and exposed to uncertainty and lonliness...it was a necessary 'test' for me. I need to understand fully what this means emotionally, financially etc. Nothing was set or resolved but it was an important step for both of us.

 

Which is why SO many stay in uhhappy marriages because of fear...Fear of major change, fear of being alone, fear of not having that person who was your safety net.

 

At the same time, it could be a wake up call of WHAT and HOW much you can lose. I do hope both of you can talk openly, be honest - no matter how painful it is...Alot of good could come of it or it could end. I don't know.

[Outcast]

More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages. Doesn't this fact lend some support to a claim that many people who thought a different spouse/partner was the answer were wrong?

 

And the success rate for marriages of people who had affairs who marry their affair partners is dismal.

[icequeen]

Cento, I completely understand how you feel. Your post is what inspired me to join this mb. I have the life that so many people are searching for. I'm married to a good man. He's a good provider and a good father. And whatever "it" is, "it's" just not there between us. We don't share the same interests, we don't connect on a personal level and our sex life leaves much to be desired. Brief background: Dh and I met in high school. We dated on and off, and we our seperate ways in college. I did my thing, he did his. I made some decisions that brought me back home after a year away. All my old friends had gone away and I was at home again with no one. Old faithful came to my rescue, we got back together and were married a year later. And I don't think I'll ever really know why I didn't stand up for myself and say that I didn't want to get married. I was only 20 and scared that everyone would be mad at me, considering all the time and money that had already gone into planning a wedding. Flash forward 6 years, we have 2 kids, a great house, nice car and all that other crap people spend their lives waiting for. But there is no love. No passion. No desire. No general interest. Nothing, but the duties required of us as parents. I love my kids and I love my life. And it's selfish for me to want anything more. BUT I do. I want my cake and eat it too! But I just can't just sacrificing stability and security to go searching for something that I may never find. I truly believe that dh is not the one for me. He's just the first one I grabbed when the going got tough and now I'm stuck. If I'm unhappy, then I'm sure dh is unhappy too. He totally grosses me out and I can't even stand for him to touch me anymore. And I feel bad that I feel like that about him, but it's not something I can just turn off. I don't want to live the rest of my life with a boring, almost non existent sex life. I just want some hot, dirty sex! But not with dh. I'm affraid that if the opportunity presented itself, I'd jump on it way too fast! But I'm also grown enough to know that hot sex is not worth disrupting the lives of soo many people. It sucks feeling trapped.

[Ditherer]

It sucks feeling trapped.

 

Hi Icequeen.. yes it certainly does suck! You can end up dithering about this for ages and waste years of your life wondering what to do.. filling page after page on a thread like my "Stay or go? What on earth do I do now?" in Separation and Divorce ...

 

Good luck finding an answer, because I haven't found it quite yet! I just wanted to wish you and CentoStelle all the best.. and please share your thoughts and news with us!

[Devils Advocate]

Finally registered and time to respond.

 

reddog63 You can make it sound like we are crazy devils advocate............but there is a very strong inner urge to love the person you are with.

Alls I can say is you have to walk in our shoes to understand. On one hand I see your points, and on the other I can not imagine not having that connection for the rest of my life.

I might get some responses...........work on relationship, etc........but I am not sure you can get those feelings back once lost.

 

...and you also have a strong urge kick the dog when you're having a bad day but that doesn't make it the right thing to do. Now if you think just because that crazy amount of passion you had with your significant other is gone is a reason to leave a marriage then you better prepare yourself to spend your life leaving. You will fall out of that passionate state, your brain will stop producing that drug and all that will be left is one person choosing to stay married. Yes I said one, not two, choosing to stay. It takes two to tango but it only needs one to start the work to make a marriage work. Don't expect your partner to do what it takes to fix a problem in your marriage. YOU work to fix it and expect your partner to join you. If that doesn't seem to be working TALK to them about it and work harder. Divorce is supposed to be the last choice after everything else fails.

 

 

FWIW

Quote:

Originally Posted by Devils Advocate

You were and are a fool, and you are about to get what you deserve. Your ex is not getting what he deserved. You both made a promise to each other. For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part. You broke that covenant and think that doing so leads to benefits.

 

 

Good grief DA!!! If you're the Devils Advocate, I'd love to hear what God's Advocate would say on the matter!

 

The marriage vows are worth taking extremely seriously, I won't doubt that, but if you've lost ALL BELIEF in them, then it makes a mockery of the whole thing. To carry on is deceiving yourself AND your partner. One of the vows is "to love" - so if that vow cannot be kept then the whole thing's over - null and void - any part of the vows broken means the whole lot are meaningless. Contract Broken. Nobody can seriously expect you to plod on with a broken contract that makes a fool of everyone, ruining both lives in the process!

 

The vows are only as valuable as you yourself make them. Period. If you make a mockery of them then you are making a mockery of yourself. As for the "to love" part I'm in agreement with you. Her is a woman who is not trying "to love" her husband. He has done no wrong and every day makes it a point to shows her his love for her and show the world that his word is his bond. She on the other hand is doing the exact opposite, doing everything to hide and destroy that love and show the world her word is not her bond. Why should her breaking her word and the "contract" be supported and rewarded while his following it is a reason to show him contempt ?

 

ANY two people can have a happy, stable, fulfilling life together if they decide that's what they want and actively try to make it work for themselves. It is not his responsibility to make her happy, it's hers to find happiness in what she already has and work to find more while following her vows. This is what families have been doing for generations and most men are still doing to this day.

 

I think you're being way too negative about the prospects of finding someone new. You can't write-off everyone still single as a waste of space. With divorce rates as high as they are there will always be a supply of newly singles... and it doesn't mean you're a waste of space if you divorce - there are good people for who it simply didn't work out.

 

Compared to a lifetime with the wrong partner, a lifetime of HOPE and opportunities is a better option - even if it's not fun fun fun all the way. It only takes ONE good relationship to improve upon what you left - if you've left something that was beyond repair.

 

I don't think so much emphasis should be placed upon "what will life be like after leaving?" because in many ways it's irrelevant. The real question is "is it worth staying?", and if the answer is "NO!" then you leave and deal with the consequences as a separate issue. It's up to all of us to rebuild our lives and make the best of them. Don't let fear of the unknown cloud your judgement.

 

Best wishes

 

Well let's examine that for a moment then shall we ? the OP was regarding leaving her husband to try and find someone new so I gave her the basic rundown on what she should expect from the dating market and what the future will bring her. Stay on topic. And in no way did I ever state that those who are still single or recently divorced are a waste of space. Merely that those who ARE still single generally are that way for a reason and those who are divorced will routinely bring various amounts of baggage and possibly unresolved issues.

 

Now however the truth is still there, the dating pool she's planning on jumping into has a noticeably higher percentage of unacceptable choices then she remembers from the last time she was in it and as time goes by it's ONLY going to get worse. If you don't believe that then are you stating that middle aged women are divorcing good men willy-nilly or that the men they divorced aren't good men ?

Women initiate over %70 of all divorces in this country so they are either getting rid of bad men, throwing away good men or trading up to better men. No matter what this will increase the number of "bad" men in the dating pool or reducing the number of "good" men which is practically the same thing.

 

As for my disparaging remarks toward her they are a warning. She is failing to grasp the most basic principles of supply & demand economics (which is at the heart of the dating market). She wants to leave her husband (the consumer of her product = love) and search for a new consumer. She believes that distancing herself from her old consumers and re-marketing her product well let her get a better customer. She is failing to note that her product is not the newest, shiniest, most desired product on the market now and comes with a lot of expensive additional required add-ons (what you think she's leaving the kids and the expenses she's grown accustomed to ?) and a few less available options (she has three kids what are the odds she wants to have 3 more, or can drop everything and move across the country or travel around the world) then the current crop. All the consumers she's going to encounter either already have suppliers, prefer to have multiple suppliers, been recently dumped by their suppier and are wary of getting a new one or just don't know how to get/keep/handle a supplier.

 

Understand that dating is competition and the older you get the fiercer the competition becomes. The most desireable and most wanted get chosen first and kept longest. If she wants the best man she can find she's going to have to be able to offer him more than the other women who are also looking for him as well. Now add to that the fact she's proven that she's not interested in sticking it out and make it work (she's planning to divorce for no rational reason) and you get my final sentence.

Note that unless your rich your list will always be the same as everyone else’s, strike loyalty and fidelity.

[Outcast]

ANY two people can have a happy, stable, fulfilling life together if they decide that's what they want and actively try to make it work for themselves.

 

Which is why so many arranged marriages work. Which is the reason for the saying 'Love is a verb, not a noun'.

[Ditherer]

ANY two people can have a happy, stable, fulfilling life together if they decide that's what they want and actively try to make it work for themselves.

 

 

Which is why so many arranged marriages work. Which is the reason for the saying 'Love is a verb, not a noun'.

 

Ok then, let's see you volunteer to love someone you don't fancy and have nothing in common with... someone who actually repells and annoys you. No? Don't fancy it? Didn't think so!!

 

Why put up with something that makes you miserable? Life is short enough - if you think you're better off on your own then FFS do it!

 

[Devils Advocate]

Ok then, let's see you volunteer to love someone you don't fancy and have nothing in common with... someone who actually repells and annoys you. No? Don't fancy it? Didn't think so!!

 

Why put up with something that makes you miserable? Life is short enough - if you think you're better off on your own then FFS do it!

 

 

First, must you take everything as a personal attack and respond emotionally ?

 

The average arranged marriage in the cultures that still practice it overwhelmingly choose partners from the same socio-economic level and hereditary background which leads to them having MORE in common than the average "Love Marriage". Add to that the individuals who go into the arranged marriages are the ones most prone to WANTING to be married and raised to be ready, willing and able to work on resolving problems.

Finally even with all these steps the individuals meet and do get final say on who (of all the available choices) they want to.

 

Arranged marriages take the emotionality out of the business of courting and allow for cooler, more rational heads to lead in the planning of the future. The most successful of all interpersonal relationships are the ones based on clear thinking. Passion and extreme Sexual Desire are merely dessert, not necessary for a good meal but nice when you can have them.

[Ditherer]

First, must you take everything as a personal attack and respond emotionally ?

 

Well if you insist on working for the devil, I'm allowed to disrespect you

 

Seriously? Because sometimes it feels like you're judging me and dismissing my situation rather than offering constructive advice. Whether I'm right or wrong (let's not argue about it) that's my *perception* when I get advice I don't particularly agree with and would rather not hear.. because at the time I want people to agree with me, I guess. Sorry about that, you make the effort to post and why should I ask for advice if I'm not going to welcome things I don't want to be told? My fault entirely.

 

Carry on

[Ditherer]

I'm glad I finally spotted an important bit in the middle of something you said :

 

ANY two people can have a happy, stable, fulfilling life together if they decide that's what they want and actively try to make it work for themselves.

 

So if I'm sure I no longer WANT to remain in the marriage, you'll accept my decision to leave it?

 

[travellingman]

as someone else trapped in a boring, joyless marriage, I wish you all the best

[Devils Advocate]

I'm glad I finally spotted an important bit in the middle of something you said :

 

ANY two people can have a happy, stable, fulfilling life together if they decide that's what they want and actively try to make it work for themselves.

 

So if I'm sure I no longer WANT to remain in the marriage, you'll accept my decision to leave it?

 

 

You made your decision that you did want to stay the moment you said I DO.. everything after that is simply you keeping your word. Add to that the simple fact that anyone who doesn't want to be happy, stable and fulfillied does rank lower on my skill than someone who simply wants to be excited.

 

 

Seriously? Because sometimes it feels like you're judging me and dismissing my situation rather than offering constructive advice. Whether I'm right or wrong (let's not argue about it) that's my *perception* when I get advice I don't particularly agree with and would rather not hear.. because at the time I want people to agree with me, I guess. Sorry about that, you make the effort to post and why should I ask for advice if I'm not going to welcome things I don't want to be told? My fault entirely.

 

As for judging you and dismissing your situation... you're right. I am judging you and dismissing your situation. Judging everyone and everything is what we do as rational, thinking beings. Without doing so we can never make decisions for ourselves or discover our likes and dislikes. As for dismissing... your complaints remind me of the whining of a child who has a house full of every desireable toy imaginable and is throwing a fit simply because she can't figure out how enjoy what she has.

 

I have nothing but pity for you and sincerely hope you will eventual grow up and learn to appreciate and enjoy what you have.

[CentoStelle]

[quote=Devils Advocate - "For each year that you wait, you have a smaller pool of never married good to great men that have not been having run-ins with transformational witches"

 

WOW...DA I thought your entry was readable and somewhat digestable until I got to this bit, and then unfortunately you lost me.....

 

'Transformational Witches' = sounds a bit too much like "I HAVE A HUGE CHIP ON MY SHOULDER AND NO ONE IS GOING TO SUGGEST HAVING A NICE LIFE WHILST I'M AROUND"

 

SORRY DA - I cant read any of your entries until you get off the HOLIER THAN THOU throne...

[CentoStelle]

Cento, I completely understand how you feel. Your post is what inspired me to join this mb.

......

I'm affraid that if the opportunity presented itself, I'd jump on it way too fast! But I'm also grown enough to know that hot sex is not worth disrupting the lives of soo many people. It sucks feeling trapped.

 

 

Icequeen...my sentiments are mirrored here. And yes, it feels like a trap. But since I have been speaking with my SO on several occassions a number of things have started to happen. Before I list them, I just want to say that the last thing I ever want to happen is for us to separate fighting or on non-speaking terms - this should be the very worst outcome of a split in my opinion. I fear that I have almost made up my mind that my partner is not suited to me but I guess I need to give it a little more breathing space for the sake of my family. When I began addressing my feelings:

 

1) He at first, a little confused and slightly resentful (me- guilty)

2) He angry, closed and withdrawn (me- keep my distance)

3) He beginning to agree that 'something's possibly not right' (me- surprise, some relief)

4) He withdrawn again but came back with a hug and "MAYBE WE STOPPED TRYING" (me- HORRAY!!!!!! At least this is not ALL my fault. Now, we can move ahead in some manner).

5) Work in progress...

[Outcast]

"For each year that you wait, you have a smaller pool of never married good to great men that have not been having run-ins with transformational witches"

 

WOW...DA I thought your entry was readable and somewhat digestable until I got to this bit, and then unfortunately you lost me.....

 

'Transformational Witches' = sounds a bit too much like "I HAVE A HUGE CHIP ON MY SHOULDER AND NO ONE IS GOING TO SUGGEST HAVING A NICE LIFE WHILST I'M AROUND"

 

SORRY DA - I cant read any of your entries until you get off the HOLIER THAN THOU throne...

 

CS, DA is talking about the men who are bitter because they ended up with awful women. It does happen. I didn't interpret it to mean that all women are that way, but there's no way that you can claim with any veracity that there is no such thing as an awful woman. DA's talking about how hard it is to deal with someone who's come out of such a relationship with dozen steamer trunks and a chip on his shoulder.