Will I get my 2nd chance?

[StArGaZeR]

Hello everyone, I'm here writing to you in hoping for a look into the mind of someone I truly feel could be "the one", and if you have shared a similar experience please feel free to contribute. Early this year I broke up with my ex after 3 years, and shortly there after began seeing a girl who I became very close with. We don't share the same views on poitics, religion and a few other things, which is the "opposites attract" part of me that I really dig, but we do agree on issues when it comes to family and more importantly happiness and well being. Needless to say, after a few months of "dating", she "shared herself" with me for the first time. Not only was this a big deal but it's something she didn't believe she'd do until the day she put that ring on her finger. Well, shortly after this I had began talking to my ex again and thought back to how great our sex life was, and low and behold I made the worst mistake I could have, only once, and at the time I knew it was a mistake but I surely didn't expect what was to follow. I have never cheated on any girlfriend and never would, the fact was that at the time we were "dating" and not together, so I didn't feel the importance of it but now I realize it didn't matter, because we were still exclusive to one another. The girl I was seeing was heartbroken, and so was I. She didn't talk to me for a week before I was finally able to break down to her and share with her my sorrow and apologize profusely at what I had done. The following couple of weeks ensued with her not wanting to hang out or talk much but shortly there after it seemed like things were getting back to normal between us, as we shared laughs and stories like we used to. I left the country for a few weeks and while I was gone we kept in touch, with her on my mind every day I was gone. At this point I wanted to be with her but couldn't promise her that we wouldn't make love until our wedding day, which was the only way she would agree to becoming "a couple". The following weeks after I got back into town I noticed her not the same as she once was. She didn't talk as much, didn't seem as passionate about life or being with me like she once did months before. It was like she changed overnight, and eventually after weeks and weeks of not coming to a compromise about being together she stopped letting me be intimate with her in every way, including kissing or even just lying next to me in my bed. As we began to drift apart, I wanted to hold on as tight as I could and didn't understand why she felt this way, until recently. You see, a few weeks ago we were supposed to hang out one night and she ended up going to a friends house and spent the night there. It upset me a lot, and needless to say I wrote some pretty nasty emails to her but of course it was in the heat of the moment, and I didn't really mean what I said in them. After a 3 weeks of not talking at all, I began questioning her time and time again about why she's changed and once wrong with her. After nearly sending her to a breaking point where it seemed like she was going to snap, she wrote me an email explaining that she isn't the person she once was, and she's confused and needs time to find herself. SHe explained that it all stems back to the time where I slept with my ex while we were dating, and everything began to make sense at that point. I realized how wrong I was in so many ways with her, and that I was sorry I acted mean and selfish and dissapointed and that I expected so much out of her when I should have just let her be the person she is instead of expecting her to be different for my own happiness. I decided right then and there that this is the girl of my dreams all along, and that I've been oblivious to this but now I realize how important she is to me and how great she makes me feel each and every moment I spend with her. I told her that if it's time she needs then it's time she's going to get. I told her that she's worth waiting for and that I'm going to prove it through my actions in the near future. I recently bought her a journal which hopefully will hep her express her emotions, but I know it's still extremely sensitive and although I feel like there's a chance she might give me a second shot, which is what I'm praying for, I also know that she still feels like she doesn't trust me. I no longer talk to my ex, and although I know I shouldnt because it might push her away, I still compliment her daily, telling her she's so great and beautiful, which she is. I feel so strongly about her now more than ever before, and all I want is to love her for who she is and to be loved. It's an amazing feeling to realize how wrong I've been in the past but now I feel like the most important thing in my life right now is to prove to this wonderful person that I should be given a second shot, for I know it would be so great each and every day.

[CoolAunt]

Let's see...She didn't want to have sex until marriage yet she gave her virginity to you, proving that you were very special to her. You proved how special she was to you by cheating on her with your ex. Then, while trying to win her back, and while her feelings were still very hurt, you couldn't meet her one demand, which was no sex until marriage. On top of that, when she broke a date with you, you punished her by sending her nasty e-mails. Then, you spent three weeks questioning her until, in your words, you almost pushed her to the breaking point. And now you want another chance with her? You've got to be kidding! What makes you think you deserve another chance? You treated her horribly and from your post, it seems that, in the end, the loss was yours and not hers.

 

Btw, screwing your ex-gf while seeing another girl exclusively IS cheating. That's what "exclusive" means in dating - that you don't date or have sex with anyone else.

[monkeybars]

She's not "the One" if she were, you wouldn't have cheated on her. Your post sounds very selfish-I want this, I want that....where in your post is anything about what she wants? Which at this point is to be away from you. If you truly loved her as much as you say you do, let her go. And I say a big word to CoolAunt-I agree with everything she said.

 

Try some introspection first.

[nextel]

She will take you back. But you cannot push and continue with the complimenting. Instead take it up a notch and just call her to see if there is anything she needs and something that she needs a man to do around the house. Stop calling her everyday. Call her once a week and then see if she needs anything done and how she is doing. Once she starts coming around then you can start calling a little more. The more you call, compliment her, tell her all those sweet things, the less she will want of you.

 

I hope that you realize that you should treat others as you would like to be treated. A taste of your own medicine is not so sweet ha?

[StArGaZeR]

Coolaun>> There's not really much I can reply to that other than yes, what you said is right.

 

Monkeybars> I might have created the perception that it's all about me, which is the way I used to be in my relationships, but now it's not. I want her to find happiness, whatever that may be. Of course I want her to give that oppurtunity to me, but if she doesn't I completely understand why. I know I screwed up but now it's all about her and what she wants. It's hard hiding my feelings sometimes so when I talk to her I say things I probably shouldn't like how beautiful she looks today, which I know only makes things harder but it's the way I feel and staying true to my feelings. I know she needs time which she will get, and I'm trying to remain calm about it but since I realized just how bad I screwed up there's not one moment that goes by where I don't feel extremely guilty and want to prove to her that I have changed for the better. You might be saying to yourself that "sure, a lot of people say they're going to change" but I really have. It's almost as if I were enlightened and every day since (about 2 weeks now) I have taken a whole different outlook on life and happiness. I began working out and excersising again, I've been complimented at work about my behavior and character, but I always come back to her. She's the only 1 I want to prove myself to, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

[solsta]

wow, sounds like you've both been through a lot. Time is the only thing that will tell. It also sounds like you are taking some great steps in improving yourself and that's really important. If you are meant to be together it will happen, and it won't happen because you are forcing it. Keep the pressure low on her, just try to be there for her if and when she needs you, not the other way around. I think you deserve a second chance, you are remorseful and realize you screwed up.

i wish you the best, and this is from someone who was cheated on in the same manner.

[StArGaZeR]

Nextel>> Thank you for the advice, it's absolutely great. In fact her and her sister just moved out into their own place so it's an excellent idea to ask her if she needs anything done with my help. It's so hard not to talk to her, especially when I call and she doesn't call back for hours or sometimes days. I know what I need to do, and only time will tell but I just don't want to "waste" time because I feel every day that passes is another day we could be spending together and having a wonderful time doing so. Thanks again for your comment. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.

 

 

Solsta>>Hi and thank you for replying. Yes, we've both been through a lot. The important thing is that while she's taking time to try and find herself I am doing the same. I consider myself lucky to be able to look back and realize things that I did, which in fact I wasn't doing to please her or to make her happy but rather to make myself happy. It's an amazing feeling right now, I mean it almost feels as though I've found myself, and grown up, after years of thinking what I truly thought was happiness was not actually the truth. Now I am so ready to move forward but I know that only time and patience, and showing and proving to her that her happiness is what I long for. Thanks again for the support. Any advice from your experience I'm sure would help with mine, and thanks once again.

 

 

I really appreciate everybody's comments so far, so thank you to all of you. If you would like to add anything please do so, and thanks in advance!