AltplanB Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I recently got my heart broken by a girl for reasons having nothing to do with any negatives towards me, just that she thought we didn't mesh well. This isn't the point of this post though. I would like to know what people think is the right course of action when someone doesn't want to let themselves get into that position again. I had a rather large barrier before the relationship, which she brought down over a year. So i was deeply in love with her when she broke it off. I don't want this to ever happen again. How do you know when to let your barrier down and fall in love?
Becoming Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Excellent question. It doesn't have to fall all at once, you know. You can take it down slowly over time brick by brick as it feels safe to you. Flinging wide the gates at the first sign of love's possibility can leave you open to marauders. Go slow; you'll know.
monkeybars Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Guess for me it's realizing that the next man is not the previous man, and that I can't blame him for what the last did. Also, taking the time to truly find out what you are not looking for in a partner, and based off of those don't wants, finding your wants and not settling. Look-relationships end, people get hurt, the dumpers seemingly move on without a backward glance, we think the world is ending. The key is-actually thanking the dumper in your head, because now you know their true nature, which is to quit. You want someone who's going to be there always, in all ways. Not just when it suits the other persons schedule, or agenda. A true partnership has it's ups and downs, but doesn't break up over boredom, a crush...etc..it stays together thru all of that, and gets stronger. I know I will find another partner, I know that I will love again. It's faith, and the belief that everything I've gone through is bringing me to my true mate. It hurts like hell right now, but I know, having loved as deeply as I did, and still do, that I have the capability of doing it. And that's not something to take lightly. Be proud of the fact that you were able to love as much as you did, many aren't capable of it. I can't imagine what that would be like, and I hope that you can't either. You've known the soaring joys and the crushing lows, but you are still here. What makes me 100% positive that you will be able to love again? You are here, questioning it. The unexamined soul is one that will remain in darkness. You're examining yours. Good Luck!
Kengne Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I recently got my heart broken by a girl for reasons having nothing to do with any negatives towards me, just that she thought we didn't mesh well. This isn't the point of this post though. I would like to know what people think is the right course of action when someone doesn't want to let themselves get into that position again. I had a rather large barrier before the relationship, which she brought down over a year. So i was deeply in love with her when she broke it off. I don't want this to ever happen again. How do you know when to let your barrier down and fall in love? "...The pain of love is the pain of being alive. It is a perpetual wound..." You say you don't ever want 'this' to happen again - by 'this' I assume you mean the pain you're feeling now as a result of the breakup, and you having let your guard down by falling in love correct? Well if that's what you want - to never experience pain again- then that means you want to never experience love either, again. Because to experience either emotion you have to in SOME way - open up yourself. The when is up to YOU. And to answer your question - you DON'T know when the time is 'right'. You will NEVER know - you just take a chance and DO. But above all remember... the ONLY guarantee in life - is that NOTHING in life is guaranteed -- except of course death & taxes. K.
Author AltplanB Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 If you really care for someone and its not a question of letting go, but rather how you could make something work again, should you try. She tells me that we just weren't a good mix and that although ther was nothing wrong with me, that we were just two different people. I have such strong feelings for her that i want to change to be that person that she would like to be with. I dont want to do it just for her though, as i consider her to be a better person with motivations and dreams. I want to have those and to be excited about things. I want to be that person for myself and for her. She has been through more relationships than me and she has fallen in love before, but does this really mean that i have to move on. If those feelings are so strong and so hard to let go, is it really right to do so. She has illustrated points of why we couldn't be together, but by doing so is she telling me the things i need to change to be with her, or just telling me to make me understand. Im so confused and wanting to do anything to make it work.
Nikita20 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I think love is worth fighting for only if the other person is willing to meet you half way. If you are fighting for love, when the other person has moved on, you will be fighting a loosing battle. Both partners must be willing and able to work things out. Otherwise it is a lost cause. In your case, you mentioned that she feels that you aren't compatible with one another. What were her specific reasons? Perhaps that will bring clarity to your situation. The thing you need to focus on, is not making changes for anyone but yourself. You should not change who you are in order to win back someones love. People should love you for who you are initially.
slubberdegullion Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Go slow; you'll know. Go slow, yes. You'll know, no. There is no magic formula or blood test or set of flashing lights. If there were, life would be so much easier. AltplanB, if you can figure out how to love and trust again when your faith has been stomped and s*** upon, you'd be the first. And let me know what it is, because I would like to know too!
Author AltplanB Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 She brought up specific reasons like shes gets really motivated to do stuff and that i dont get motivated to do much at all. I dont get as excited about doing anything unless it involved her, which meant that i made her my motivation. I didn't have any life goals, no aspirations, and it turned her off. Now that i dont have her, i have recognized this and have begun the process of changing to become a more excited and happy person. Im even thinking about antidepressents. Im tired of the way i am and i would like to be more like her if only to be a happier person in general. What i am wondering though is if she, stating the reasons as to why it won't work, but without giving me any hints at future rekindling, is giving me the oppurtunity to prove that i can become a person that she can admire and fall in love with again. If i was too work that hard at something to improve myself and for her at the same time, does that show my dedication or does it make me look like someone holding on to a dream?
Yamaha Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Do it for you, not her. Don't look back on a failed relationship but look forward to a rewarding future.
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