Sweetgirl2 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Well I'm having a big problem trusting any guys! This isn't a recent issue either. It wasn't really bad until my last relationship which lasted 7 1/2 months and was this year. I never went through his things and never had any reason to doubt him, but one day he let me use his computer for some school things and his e-mail account was left up. I didn't look, but the longer I sat there I started to get these feelings that maybe I should check. I contimplated for about 5 minutes or so then I did it. BIG MISTAKE.. I found e-mails from girls on dating sites and and e-mail from a girl who had written back to saying he was waiting in the parking lot for 45 minutes for her. When he came back in the room I confronted him and right away he tried to close it, and I wouldn't let him. I started reading the e-mails to him and I could see he was getting upset, but I continued. I tried to leave and he wouldn't let me and started saying he wasn't doing anything etc.. I let it go, but started questioning him. Once again I caught him in a chat room and stupid little lies. I started checking up on him (which I hated to do) and would talk to him while looking at him through his window. He sat there and lied to me, and once I'd say something he'd turn of his messengers and that type of thing. Anyway enough of that. The problem is that I'm still friends with him and he makes me feel bad sometimes and tells me he loves me and still wants to be with me. This is making it hard for me to move on. I met a great guy about 2 months ago, and things were going great, then BOOM I questioned a few stupid things and now I'm afraid it's going to repeat it's self. I think that I'm holding onto my past relationships and it's not allowing me to move on. Should I quit being friends with my ex's??? I want this relationship to work and I don't know what I should do.. Someone please give me some advice to learning to trust again.
JS17 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I have no advice for you as I was in the same exact situation 4 months ago. I can tell you that not being friends with your ex won't help in this respect but in general I think its a good idea to not maintain friendships with exs. I keep asking the same question here but I haven't really gotten any helpful answers. This leads me to believe that it isn't something that can be fixed. I'm hoping that one day someone will come along and have a tremendous amount of patience to restore my faith in relationships. Until that day I will just continue to distrust people.
bigbrowneyes Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Hey SweetGirl2, I just broke up with my fiancé...for the 2nd time...this October. I discovered after a thorough investigation that my fiancé had cheated. I instinctively knew that there was something amidst in our relationship but I wanted to believe that he loved me the way he professed. I forgave my fiancé and within 9 months we were back together. We went to counseling and he vowed that he would never hurt me again. I found it very difficult to build the trust back in our relationship. His actions did not mirror his words. The bottom line is that those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Trust is earned and once that bond is broken, you cannot repair it. You need to be astute when you are in a relationship. Don’t pretend to ignore warning signs but on the other hand, don’t let you mind fabricate “stories”. Follow you’re gut instinct but don’t sabotage your relationship. If you can’t trust the guy in the beginning, don’t waist your time. As for speaking to your X…cut it off and move on. NC is the best medicine.
nextel Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 But I believe that trust and respect and the biggest elements in any relationship. Without them, there is no relationship. First and foremost, if a woman suspects that her partner is cheating...there is a very good chance that he is. A woman's instincts are very strong. Secondly, when you find yourself going through your partner's things, then at that point, that is not what you want in your relationship. I truly believe that, when one gets married, they forsake all others. Your ex should not be in the picture. I am not married, and I do not keep in contact with any exes.
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