Lonestar Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 At least on these stupid online dating sites. Although my ex was dumb as a doorknob, boring, a narcissist, and treated me like crap intermittently, at least I was insanely attracted to him and his body. Which made for great sex. I feel like I'm looking for him still (physically), but just a whole lot nicer (and more responsible) guy. When I do meet guys I'm attracted to, they're total players and I want to vomit on them. So what's the deal.... I can't have both? I'm gonna be alone with my dildo forever... 1
country gal Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Lonestar, I know exactly what you are talking about.... I'm in the same boat. My ex is sexy bastard (and great lay) - but a bastard in every other aspect. And hte rest of the men I'm "attracted to", I'm attracted to their minds, but not their bodies - or vice versa - and never both!! I just broke it off with someone that was perfect - except that I couldnt stand the idea of him touching me, so most definately not perfect! I'm sorry that I have no help for you but misery does like company, right?
kitkat826 Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I'm in a similar place Lonestar. My most recent ex, too, is kind of burned into my brain as "physical prototype", and I'm having hard time replacing him with someone else. To add to the confusion, we also still "see" eachother every once in a while, so guys I do date have a high current standard to live up to. I know in my gut that the only way to give someone else a true chance is to get completely rid of the ex, but I'm not about to do that when everyone else turns out to be a dud! Its a vicious cycle...
JS17 Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 well Lonestar, I'm in a similar place too (minus the great sex). I started this online dating thing a few weeks ago with the intention of meeting people that I wouldn't normally cross paths with. I don't think this venue for meeting people is right for everyone. I don't find anyone attractive when I see a few pictures of them on the web. I see people in everyday life and I think they're not so bad looking but I know if I saw them online I wouldn't be attracted to them. I think it all boils down to chemistry. You know if it's there when you see a person in real life but not online. BTW, i'll be quitting when my 1 month is up. It's just not for me. 1
luvtoto Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I used to put appearance first and foremost on my list. But, I met a guy a year ago that really isn't my type necessarily. I don't think I've ever been in love so much. An awesome personality with integrity to spare is very sexy!! Who knew!! Sometimes, the attraction comes later after you see the full picture.
Author Lonestar Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 Well babe, you just never met me:D No, Neptune, can't say I ever did, but you probably live on the other side of the world anyway, and I don't do LDRs. I need sex every day... not that I'm getting any now.
Outcast Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I agree that you must meet people rather than just looking at their pictures. You could be missing out on a lot by rejecting people on the basis of photos.
Author Lonestar Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 Wow, I'm surprised I'm not alone here! kitkat, our situations are very simliar. "Physical prototype" is the perfect way to put it. I'll find a guy with a muscular body, but then he has hair on his chest or something else stupid that shouldn't turn me off. Then I have the height requirement and the way his ass should look. In essence, he should look and feel like my ex, but treat me like GOLD!, LMAO. I have to see my ex and talk to him because we have a kid together, so the vicious cycle has pulled me back in too many times for my taste. He has the same sick attraction to me, so both of us are doomed. I have to keep looking. There must be someone out there. countrygal, what I'm trying to figure out is if two people are having fabulous sex and totally attracted to each other, then why in the world would one treat the other like s***. Ya know? Can't we just all screw and get along? Why is love, true permanent love, such a hard thing to find? JS17, the online dating world sucks. It's so hard to figure out if someone is attractive by photos alone. People who are not so pretty could be a real turn on just by their self-confidence and the way they carry themselves. I only signed on a week ago and have no plans to renew. I just delte all the emails now. luvtoto, I suppose that's a possiblity, but I've dated guys in the past with great personalities and eventually feel in love with them. It never lasted because I didn't have that animal attraction to them, so my sex drive was low. I need to be with a guy that I can hate and want to f*ck at the same time.
luvtoto Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Neptune, don't get me wrong, I can definetely relate with your problem. Online dating never worked for me either. The good looking ones only wanted to get ^%$# (which I didn't go along with..EWW!) and the not-so-good-looking guys seemed too desperate or currently heartbroken. Not to get too far into left field here, but my experience has taught me that I'll never find what I want if I'm lookin' for it...it just has to happen on it's own. But, then again, that might be a big load of ^%$!! (I seriously just got tired of looking. My life was passing me by in the process)
stevestunts Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 "Although my ex was dumb as a doorknob, boring, a narcissist, and treated me like crap intermittently, at least I was insanely attracted to him and his body." My ex thought the same as you!! althrough i though she was "dumb as a doorknob, boring, a narcissist, and treated me like crap intermittently" LOL!!! we were waht you call a carbon copy of each other, it was insanely toxic! yes i was totally turned on by her and she was extremely turned on by my looks and body but unfortunitly that was it!... i had a hard time to come to grips with that. it sucks and everytime im getting down with someone i just think of her! should i try to get back with her? life is grand! ain't it?
luvtoto Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I would rather be alone than be *just* physically attracted to the person I am with. Took me a few years and alot of late night calls from him before I figured that out. It might be just a woman thing, but I got tired of waking up in the morning hating myself. I deserve better than that.
kitkat826 Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I deserve better than that. No need to put a face luvtoto, say it loud and proud!! The current guy I refer to as "physical protoype" is not physically perfect...he has a crooked tooth that gives him a goofy smile, and he talks with a slight lisp, to name a few things. None of my friends think he's that handsome (His body, however is a near 10 ). The real point is that we have an extremely strong attraction towards one another, and it's been like that since that day we met. In general, I have always been quick to know whether or not I feel a spark with someone. They don't have to be model perfect, and most of them aren't. The connection just has to be there. I have dated great guys with whom the "passion" factor wasn't so strong, but it's never worked out. I've never had it "grow" with anyone, though I would be tickled pink if it did. The only guy I've ever had a healthy, serious LTR with was way different than the current guy I have on the brain. With him, there was a deeper, calmer type of attraction and connection. We didn't bicker, and I didn't obsess over him. It was, in my belief "true love". Eventually, my aim is to find that again with someone else.
Author Lonestar Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 No need to put a face luvtoto, say it loud and proud!! The current guy I refer to as "physical protoype" is not physically perfect...he has a crooked tooth that gives him a goofy smile, and he talks with a slight lisp, to name a few things. None of my friends think he's that handsome (His body, however is a near 10 ). Hehehehe. My ex has a big nose, small eyes, and funny looking lips. His face is very neanderthal looking, but his body is a near 10. kitkat, we live in the same state. If my ex talked with a lisp, I'd be scared right now.
tinktronik Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Lonestar, go ahead and vomit on them honey.Maybe that will knock em' down a notch or two and they'll be more likeable.
Lilly Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 My ex husband, that I was married to for 16 yrs., was the most handsome man ever. The most perfect body, face, hair and well endowed. Everyone was always telling me how handsome my husband was. When we got a divorce, I decided not to go for the pretty boy type again. I started dating a chubby bald guy that never exercises and is horrible in bed (although he thinks he a really great lover). I thought he would be easier to hang on to. However, he treats me worse than my ex ever did. You can just never go by looks alone. The internet dating websites are the worst. I will never try that again. One time was enough for me.
mini696 Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I'm suprised you are so vain, and picky... You must have some very high expectations.
stevestunts Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 mini696 don't you have high expectations of your mate? don't you think you deserve a diamond?
alphamale Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 I'm gonna be alone with my dildo forever... no you won't LONESTAR...have no fear Alpha is here. You know where to find me. he he
ms_jnj Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Wow, I totally understand what you are saying. I have a friend (male) who is just the nicest guy you would ever meet, fun and respectful to boot....but....he is very unattractive. Honestly, he is very obsese. I can tell he has feelings for me, but although it makes me feel like a shallow bitch, I just can't encourage him in it, becuase I just have zero attraction to him. And also honestly attraction and sex is a very important part of any romantic relationship....and I'm no perfect 10 myself, but I as much as I know I could love this guy for his awesome personality...it isn't enough. Like I said, I feel shallow and bitchy, but...sigh. Why can't the ones with the great personality be decent looking as well? I'm not looking for perfection here, but there has to be some attraction...
seachange Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 In general, I have always been quick to know whether or not I feel a spark with someone. They don't have to be model perfect, and most of them aren't. The connection just has to be there. I have dated great guys with whom the "passion" factor wasn't so strong, but it's never worked out. I've never had it "grow" with anyone, though I would be tickled pink if it did. Oh, yeah - me too! I met my most recent ex online - from the pics, I thought he might be attractive, but it's so damn hard to tell. I honestly wasn't too sure from his photos what I'd think of him in person, so I was nervous about meeting him. He wasn't what I would have thought of as my "type" - maybe only an inch or two taller than me, slim, shaved head. But I'll never forget the day I met him, after emailing back and forth for a week - it's such a cliche, but it really was like an electric shock. Zap! and I'm panting. So now he's sort of become my "type", against which all others are currently measured. I guess it's good that we live in different states now, so there's no chance of hooking up, or I'd probably never get over him...and of course it's disappointing to think of dating someone now and not feeling anything close to that. From past experience, that kind of sexy chemistry doesn't just appear for me, either. Or at least, it hasn't yet. And now, knowing what it feels like, it's so hard to settle for less. Sigh. He has a great body, too - does martial arts, so is in awesome shape.
Lilly Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Where online did you meet him? Are you talking about a dating website? If so, you had much better luck than me.
seachange Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Yep, it was a dating website. I totally think I got lucky (although we're broken up now, so I guess maybe not...) Anyway, it was the onion/nerve/salon/etc/etc - they're all linked together.
RecordProducer Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Lonestar, I think you should find a way to change your criteria for men. Just like people don't like beer or red chilli peppers when they are children, but get used to them later and some of them enjoy them very much, you could switch your mindset into a new way when it comes to taste for men. If you're looking for 5 qualities that everyone likes, you'll have a problem finding that combination available. In any case, don't give up. You never know when and where you'll meet the right person. Just make sure you don't settle for less (like with your ex) and don't expect too much.
CaliGuy Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Not to open an old thread, but I'm going through the same thing. My ex was a "piece of work" but no one has come close to creating that passion in me for another as she did. I've been dating and I don't know if it's just that I am still not over the ex or that I just haven't been able to find any good women. I mean the ones I have been on dates with are great, but there's no excitement. No fire in the belly so to speak. I just pray to God that I will feel that again someday.
Recommended Posts