Woggle Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Yesterday we were hanging out and she told me the reason she is so attracted to em is I am the first man that she can't wrap around her finger. She knows that if she starts acting wrong that I will leave. She said that the fact that I refuse to be a doormat is what makes me so attractive. Can any women or men for that matter give some thoughts on this?
Rickymoemoe Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I think its a incredibly attractive quality when someone has a strong attitude and character to back it up. I'm currently trying to get a girl who I find has both those traits, I like strong women, not those who are doormats. I'm a strong person and nearly all women I've met now have fallen to my stronger will, this girl hasn't which I respect and admire greatly.
Author Woggle Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 She is strong woman as well but isn't one of these bitchy radical feminist types. She actually likes men and hopes to one day share her life with one probably me. To me she has the perfect balance which so many women these days are lacking. You either have the stepford wife in training or the too independent for love types. There doesn't seem to be much in between and I found somebody in the middle. I think she likes it because I am the same. I am not some controlling jerk but I refuse to be walked on. I would never in a million years put up with some of the crap some of the other men on this board put up with.
loony Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 she told me the reason she is so attracted to em is I am the first man that she can't wrap around her finger. I think this is a double manipulation. I doubt that she hasn't recognized already that you're afraid of being considered a doormat, of getting screwed all over again and that you deep inside are quite vulnerable. In fact, she is wrapping you around her finger already. Her statement is a bit weird. I usually am not interested in men who I can wrap too easily around the finger either, but I would never tell a guy who I liked and who I respected that I felt attracted to him, because I couldn't wrap him around my finger. Wrapping someone around your finger is one of a woman's little pleasures, it makes her feel good about herself, it's a compliment and she will consider at a sign that her man loves her and likes to spoil her a bit. It's a game between two people who care for each other and it's played with mutual consent. Sorry, I don't like what your girlfriend said and I advise you to be careful and to take things slow, e.g. marriage. And sure, I don't know your girlfriend, but I get a picture of you from your posts, of your personality, of your social competence, of your emotional intelligence and I can also make a good guess to what kind of people you might get attracted and who might approach you. She knows that if she starts acting wrong that I will leave. She said that the fact that I refuse to be a doormat is what makes me so attractive. Can any women or men for that matter give some thoughts on this? Really Woggle, I think you're ok, you became bitter, but I don't think you're a bad person per se, you should really not believe though that you're beyond manipulation, I rather believe it would be quite easy to manipulate you. You're the kind of person who falls too deeply for the wrong kind of person and that's why they become so bitter.
Author Woggle Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 I really don't think that is it. I know the type of woman I used to fall for and she is 100% different than all of them. I don't put her on a pedestal. I know she has faults but she is honest about her faults. She's not one of these women that puts all the blame on the man for the problems in the relationship. I don't expect perfection because I am far from perfect myself but I respect the fact that she is humble and admits that she effs up sometimes. I used to get involved with women that I put on a pedestal only to later find out that it was all an act. We were just talking about our past relationships and she said the reason she probably has not married yet is that she had a habit of attracting wimps and that I was so different than that.
loony Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 she said the reason she probably has not married yet is that she had a habit of attracting wimps and that I was so different than that. This is actually a somewhat arrogant view on people and it does lack humility contrary to what you said before about her. I'm single and I have not found the right man yet who meets my standards and whose standards I meet, but I really would not dare to call any guy who had ever been interested in me a 'wimp'. This is a very disrespectful way of talking about people who had been interested in you and once again the only purpose that comes to my mind why should would say that all the guys she met were wimps and you are not is to make you feel good and feed your ego a bit. You can compliment someone and tell him what a great and unique guy he is without talking so condescendingly about other people. And keep in mind, she is forty, I'd hope that by this age you'd have learnt some lessons in life. Am I wrong when I say that you're afraid of getting screwed over again or that you're afraid of being considered a doormat? It's not difficult to find this out, you're emitting these vibes in every post and I doubt that in real life you're much different. People who have some experience will pick up on this. I really urge you to learn more about emotional intelligence and to work a bit on it. In my eyes, you're an easy prey for those who want to use someone and you should develop some gut instinct to distinguish between those who are relationship material and those who are not. On a sidenote: whoever reads my posts, please pay attention to the content and don't be so hard on my style... *sigh*
Author Woggle Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 You may be right and that is why I am waiting a year to make any serious commitment. I actually like her insensitive nature. Both of us brutally honest and blunt.and I think that is what attracts us. Every other relationship I had was with women that seemed nice and passive and then one day did a 180 with all this crao they have been holding in. If I am screwing up she tells me I tell her if she is screwing up. There is no pretense or mind games with us. As for her exes maybe they were wimps. Why beat around the bush?
slubberdegullion Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 She is strong woman as well but isn't one of these bitchy radical feminist types. "Strong" and "feminazi" are two mutually exclusive character traits. One can't be a radical feminist without submitting to that agenda. A strong woman will think her own thoughts and not leave the thinking up to someone else.
Author Woggle Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 "Strong" and "feminazi" are two mutually exclusive character traits. One can't be a radical feminist without submitting to that agenda. A strong woman will think her own thoughts and not leave the thinking up to someone else. Very true. I often find that radical manhaters are scared little girls inside.
Neptune Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I think you said that you were 26 and she is 41. You don`t know it yet but she has you wrapped around her little finger.
loony Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I actually like her insensitive nature. Both of us brutally honest and blunt.and I think that is what attracts us. When I was younger I despised all this 'beating around the bush', I was impatient to get to the core of things and I took pride in being called blunt. Nowadays I think I still come across as very direct and too generous with my opinion, but I try to be better, because I've astonishingly come to appreciate a little bit of tact and what I considered to be 'frank and honest' I would just call immature and rude now. Honesty should simply not be confused with disrespect for other people's feelings and bluntness is not the only way to let the truth be known. I'm really sorry, a woman her age who considers being blunt a virtue is either seriously lacking in the social competence department or she is just playing along with you, because you think that being blunt is something admirable. Every other relationship I had was with women that seemed nice and passive and then one day did a 180 with all this crao they have been holding in. If I am screwing up she tells me I tell her if she is screwing up. There is no pretense or mind games with us. As for her exes maybe they were wimps. Why beat around the bush? You're concluding that as these girls were nice and passive that it had something to do with them being dishonest and not telling you what kind of problems they had. They were not nice, they were passive-aggressive and didn't know how to express themselves differently, just as you and your girlfriend. If you see bluntness as the only option that allows for an honest interaction with people you are displaying the same kind of restricted expression as the girls you criticize. It is possible to be polite and tactful and still assert yourself withou letting other people step on you. By the way, it's very wise that you decided to take it slow and take a year time to make up your mind.
loony Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I think you said that you were 26 and she is 41. You don`t know it yet but she has you wrapped around her little finger. Truer words were probably not spoken on this thread.
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