In Sync Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I was sound asleep until I started having a dream in which my ex was in. And in it I was at a distance watching him take a woman's number. My heart was broken and it was just a dream. I've never dreamt of him ever before. I woke up shaken and missing him. Wanted to write him, but came here instead. My heart is pounding from wanting to do something like break NC. Why did have to occur, here it is late night and I'm seriously missing this guy all over again. Is it my subconscious wanting me to contact him? My resolve has tbeen weakened no doubt about it.
cynicalnlove Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I was sound asleep until I started having a dream in which my ex was in. And in it I was at a distance watching him take a woman's number. My heart was broken and it was just a dream. I've never dreamt of him ever before. I woke up shaken and missing him. Wanted to write him, but came here instead. My heart is pounding from wanting to do something like break NC. Why did have to occur, here it is late night and I'm seriously missing this guy all over again. Is it my subconscious wanting me to contact him? My resolve has tbeen weakened no doubt about it. Yeah I know that sucks. I know those dreams so well.. and it makes you wonder if there was someone in his life, in case of the sudden urge to make you want to break the NC. Don't do it, because then he'll know he still has control over you.
Outcast Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Dreams are about problem resolution. Breaking up is a problem. You probably have dreamt about this before but just not remembered it. Do not break NC. The process of getting over someone is not linear. It's ups followed by downs, repeat for months. If you succumb during the downs, you'll only prolong the agonizing process of breaking up. Drink some hot chocolate and watch something silly on TV until your eyes droop.
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 wow. those are some nice words outcast. very to the point and very accurate. the only thing i have to say is... id rather use hot apple cider... esp this time of year..
Author In Sync Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 Dreams are about problem resolution. Breaking up is a problem. You probably have dreamt about this before but just not remembered it. Thank you all for the advice I'm a little groggy but did not break NC. Although that dream shook me up for sure. Seeing my ex, and you know how real dreams can feel...well, it certainly made me feel desperate to just really know if he's out there. Earlier in the day I had been reading a book which mention how we have so many fears that hold us back. And it's the perception of what we think might happen not the actual thing itself that makes us afraid. And as an example the writer used a bbad relationship gone bad. I was thinking maybe that's what NC is though, it's a tool to protect us based on the fear we have of actual contact with someone. I mean we don't know how the other person would really react to hearing from us but NC is sort of a way to protect in case we could get hurt again. So are we holding ourselves back by being afraid?
smile95 Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 ok so now you are at two months of posting here.....I commend you on writing here and NOT HIM. But, I can tell that you do not seem to be getting better. We need to figure out a different approach for you. NC and time does not seem to be helping. You have to PROMISE me that 2006 is a new start for you.....if you are not any better by Dec31 2005, you need to grab your life and realize that he is not in it anymore and that you do not want him in it! He is moving on and you need to too. What good does it do to sit around being sad? None. Being sad and missing him will not bring him back. Tell me what is it about "him" that you loved and miss. Or is it just that rejection that you are hurting over? What is it exactly that you are missing that someone else cannot replace. I know it is tough. You are healing whether you feel it or not. You found it very easy to give me advice, so pretend that I am you writing this..... You can do this girl! You do not need him!
smile95 Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I was thinking maybe that's what NC is though, it's a tool to protect us based on the fear we have of actual contact with someone. I mean we don't know how the other person would really react to hearing from us but NC is sort of a way to protect in case we could get hurt again. So are we holding ourselves back by being afraid? I hope you remember that this is Beth5201.......I can tell you that regardless of what other people say, NC is a case by case basis. Not everyone can do it. I broke NC and I am healing so much faster. I no longer have questions and I no longer cry or wait for the phone. I accept what I heard and that is all I can do. If I continued NC, I would still be a mess. With NC, I have so many scenarios in my head and tunrs out none of them were correct. I asked you this before, but I do not think you answered. Are you the one that caught him cheating? Or am I mixing people? If you are, then why would you want himback? He will do it to who he is with now and if you had him he would do it again......you are better than that.
Author In Sync Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 HELLO smile95!! I'm awful glad you've responded and even remember how long I've been having a go at this. It's ridiculous, I'm up one day and feeling confident but really I'm probably just masking the hurt. I refuse to break the NC only because I know deep down any news about his new life would make me feel like ...a loser. Sure he may still be doing nothing but he'd rather do nothing without me. No he didn't cheat on me per say, though he was a complete N and was not the most thoughtful or kindest person towards me. I miss the early days of him when he was afectionate and attentative. He does have that funny british humor. Also at the time I was really into Bridget Jones Diary..I know I know (I can see your face scrunching up and say what tha F***, big deal huh) still when I attach myself to and idea and he was an idea, I can't seem to let go. Did he cheat, well, I guess yes. Imean he broke it off from me saying there was someone else so obviously she didn't just pop up like a mushroom from nowhere. I was in denial and remained in contact till that relationship fell apart resumed seeing him briefly for his crumbs of affection and it really never became better. Until finally he pulled the plug.Haven't heard a peep out of him in nearly four weeks..he's not the type to contact. He's hardcore when he cuts someout out. AND so here I am stuck in a limbo of yearning, anger, and sadness. You're right I simply can't start 2006 off like this. Only I don't know why I am hanging on, really I don't.Thanks to you Beth and anyone else who've mange to read through this again.
smile95 Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I had ups and downs. It was crazy what set off a good or bad day. TV, seeing couples, music, etc.....It was either bad or good..no middle ground. I missed the man I met in the beginning too. We have to realize that was them then and not now. Most people show the true colors about 6 months into it. Inthe beginning, your memories with him, were not him. It was him trying to "get you". That is who you love and he is not that person anymore. I know...I am struggling with that as well. I find that I get stuck in a daydream of old times and then I get sad and miss him.....I have to force myself to think of more recent times when he hurt me or was selfish. I made a timeline of our relationship and saw how his charm wore off. Maybe you should try that. Just jot down things he did...good and bad. I accepted crumbs too and it is a horrible feeling. I felt like I had to win him back. Altho my "other woman" was a job. we both deserve more than crumbs!
Outcast Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 NC is sort of a way to protect in case we could get hurt again. So are we holding ourselves back by being afraid? Not at all. NC is the way to break your addiction to someone. You cannot get over a smoking addiction if you have a cigarette every few days. You cannot get over addiction to drugs or booze if you break the 'cold turkey' pledge every few days. People get addicted to their partners and need to use the same 'cold turkey' strategy to make the permanent break.
Recommended Posts