Allalone Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Hi Im new here and I wanted some advice if thats ok. Well Ill start from the begining. Me and My bf have been togther just over a year now.... I got together with him before I split up with my ex I know thats terrible but now I think hes going to do the same to me. Thats not the only thing though.... Well when me and my bf argued really bad once and bruised me on my back we have had arguements since then and hes kicked me spat on me and strangled me, I love him so much and I dont want to leave him, we even discussed getting married one day but I worry he will hit our kids if we have any. He lies to me too, He got this new job and was working with a women whos his age and he lied and hid the fact that he worked with her till I happend to find out. he siad he did as he new that I was a very jelous person which is true but isnt lieing so much worse than finding out the truth later? Now I think hes cheating on me with her or someone else as we dont have sex anymore and I always catch him smelling his fingers (the cent of the women?!?!).. its been like 2 weeks since we last had sex and when we do have sex he always has his eyes closed. I think hes thinking about someone else whist have sex with me. Please help me! I love him so much but I cant trust him, I have tried to talk to him but he just calls me silly. Thanks for the help guys, any advice is appreciated.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Why stay with a man who treats you like crap???? He hits you, kicks you, spits at you, BRUISES you...That's abuse!! Plain and simple. You may love him, but he doesn't love you back in a healthy way... Talk to your friends and family, get some support and strength to LEAVE him! If you don't all the problems will get worse and worse...You've already said you don't trust him and that he's been lying to you. Please really think about ending it. Why marry a man who treats you so badly? It will only get worse if you marry him! Those kind of problems don't go away.
LN8840K Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Don't walk RUN away ........ If you want this to change you need some help or your next boyfriend will be the same .... get help for real
Luvinit Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON!!!!! You think you love him, but you are caught in a cycle of abuse. Get away now, or something worse will happen. Men like this don't get less abusive with time
LN8840K Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 This is the start of many sad stories that will be come to known as your life, unless you seek help. I have a friend who was a victims advocate for domestic violence victims, she had to leave the occupation when she realized 95% of the time, the victim never really wanted to change and the cycle would repeat itself you have deep issues within yourself that need to be worked out and it will take a lot of work so you really need to want it or you will continue to seek this type of relationship. there are many resources for you to take advantage of but you must want the change. Peace out
Author Allalone Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 Well I hope that things can change between us rather than throwing it away, I think I am going to give him once more chance and see how things go. I love him to much to throw it away and its complicated as we live with his parents so I cant just leave can I?! We are going to Bristol tomorrow and I will make my decision then, If I feel that its not going to work no more then I will leave and go to my mums who lives in cornwall. Thanks for the advice guys
LN8840K Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 AND SO THE CYCLE BEGINS ....... I guess we'll be waiting for your next post " I'm pregnant and so is his other girlfriend and he beats me what should I do " Good luck to you
nextel Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 First and foremost, I think that you have some self-esteem issues. You dont think of yourself very highly (I am sorry if I am hurting your feelings. Just trying to help you out). I once was in a relationship like yours, years ago. I thought I loved this man, I wanted to make things work so that we would end up being together and the problem was that he knew that I loved him. Thats when the emotional, mental and verbal abuse started. After that, it became physical abuse and once it started, it never ended. When a man knows that you love him and he is your world, he will take advantage of you in ways that it will affect your judgement, and your self-esteem. The best thing for you to do, is to catch him off guard. The last thing he expects you to do is to walk away from the relationship. Walk away from it now and dont ever look back. You deserve a man that will treat you with respect and will want to earn your trust and vice versa. Just because he has a penis does not make him a man. A man will never put his hands on a woman. You be the one to put him in his place and you can only do this by ending the relationship and you should just walk away and stay away from him. Refuse all contact from him. WORK ON YOURSELF AND KNOW WHAT KIND OF MAN YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE.
CoolAunt Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 I love him to much to throw it away... Why? What about him is lovable? What does he do for you that inspires you to love him? He's abusive and not even self-sufficient (living with his parents and moving you in, too). I don't know what resources for battered women there are in the UK but please look into them. Most of the women who work with battered women were once battered women themselves. They know exactly how you feel and what you need to make the break. They can help you with your self esteem issues, help you to find protection from this guy after leaving him (if necessary), and help you to start over. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your future children. Find a man who doesn't hit and abuse to be their daddy before conceiving them.
slubberdegullion Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Sometimes I just want to reach through the computer screen and grab someone by the lapels and yell What the hell's the matter with you?? Why do you put up with such crap?? This is one of those times.
Outcast Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Sometimes I just want to reach through the computer screen and grab someone by the lapels and yell What the hell's the matter with you?? Amen, brother.
kitkat826 Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Please help me! I love him so much but I cant trust him, I have tried to talk to him but he just calls me silly. Not even regarding the very serious comments about him physically abusing you, this remark says it all. Love IS trust. Love is NOT demeaning. And it is FACT that abuse that starts before marriage only gets exponentially worse after marriage. Ask yourself; can you put up with it getting worse? One day you will learn this and the advice people are giving you will all make sense, but it will most likely take you a very long time. Us humans are very stubborn about abandoning lifestyles and behaviors that make us feel validated, even if in the slightest and most trivial way, and even if they are one moment out of a thousand. Even when the other 999 are disrespectful, abusive, and life-threatening. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have been wrong about something and completely move on, but it's one of the most rewarding decisions you can make. If you could pick between taking 12 years to learn this life lesson, or 1 day, which you would pick?
nextel Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 No man is worth your tears and the one that is, will never make you cry!
Author Allalone Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 No man is worth your tears and the one that is, will never make you cry! Well that sure did..... Im still with him, I think I can give it just one more shot, he told me he loved me this week after we had a big row about him looking at a woman which he denied, and for the first time I really felt he meant that he loved me. thanks for all the advice guys xxxx
FireReady Posted December 4, 2005 Posted December 4, 2005 Well that sure did..... Im still with him, I think I can give it just one more shot, he told me he loved me this week after we had a big row about him looking at a woman which he denied, and for the first time I really felt he meant that he loved me. thanks for all the advice guys xxxx He knows you better than you know yourself it seems... he's taking advantage of you and saying these things because he senses that you're hesitating and he wants to stay in control so he's using a new tactic. The guy is up to no good and the sooner you realize it and leave him, the better. It may be hard to do, but in the long run, it'll be much easier to walk away now than to wait until it's too late... good luck!
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