sleepb12 Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 My ex and I only dated 4 months but everything moved very fast. I am 22 and he's 27. I have always been a very picky person of who I go out with and I don't like that many people very often, but when I like someone, I REALLY like someone. He's been in more than one relationship and he was my first serious one. Even though my ex had more experience than me, all of the past relationships he had were not good. Most of the girls treated him like crap.He promised himself that he wouldn't get involved with another relationship unless he knew he should. We hitted it off IMMEDIATELY. We also fell in love pretty fast. We never fought and we have a lot of the same views. We talked about the future a lot, my ex even was the one to initiate everything. Well, I am doing my internship next semester for college and he kept encouraging me to come to Houston. At first I didnt want to, but I realized I wanted to be closer to him. One night, I immediately got worried about moving down there and I explained to him that things were moving too fast and we needed a break. I knew the minute I said it that that I didn't mean it. My ex talked me out of it and the next day told me that he was going to do whatever it takes to make this work because he had never fallen for someone so hard before and he could see a future with us. That night, he broke up with me out of nowhere. Saying that he wasn't sure "how he felt about me" anymore. When he broke up with me, I didn't get much out of him for the first couple of weeks. He kept giving me the sorriest excuses. I would email him and tell him how I felt and he would always respond saying that we could talk about it in person. We met one weekend and talked about it and of course, didnt really get anywhere. We kept talking every once in a while saying we were going to hang out and we never did. Then, recently, the last few weeks, my ex has been contacting me more. Finally, he has told me more of the truth, at least what I think it is. He has explained that things were moving too fast and he got scared and reacted on the spur of the moment. He says he misses me so much and wants to be with me but he's so confused right now and is afraid of hurting me. He got scared because he saw our relationship going somewhere and that he always told me that marriage freaks him out. I would ask him, what is your ideal situation and he would say, to get back together with you and take things very slow. But at the same time, he kept giving me more excuses on why we cant be together. My friends keep telling me to let it go, that he wants to be with me but he knows that I know what I want and he doesnt, a.ka...he wants his cake ane to eat it too. This went on for another couple of weeks, he kept telling me how much he loved me and how he was just so confused on what he wanted. Finally, i said, it's either a yes or a no, you cant keep staying down the middle and he said he couldnt give me one I told him I couldnt talk to him anymore. It's been a little over a week and we hadnt talked until he told me to call him last night. Thinking that we were getting somewhere, I called him last night and all we did was have catch up talk. He said that he wanted to call me because he was thinking of me and he was glad I sent him a text message. I sent him one to wish him a happy thanksgiving but I wasn't going to say anymore. Basically, we talked for about 10 minutes and it was actually very pleasant. He told me to call him if I was ever in town. BTW, i am still moving to Houston but not because of him and I think that freaked him out more. Anyway, i don't know what to do. I still believe that he has feelings for me, I just don't understand why if he didnt have want to work things out with me he couldnt just say that. Also, when I decided we couldnt talk, he said at first that it would be a good thing but then he was like well, deep down, I want to be able to talk to you, I just can't be your friend because I have more than friendship feelings toward you. To add in, I have talked to his friend about him and he said that my ex doesnt really talk about the situation, all he has said was that he shouldnt of broken up with me so fast but there was nothing to do about it now. His friend also said that whenever my name is brought up in the beginning, he got very defensive and he has said nothing but great things about me and I was one of the first girlfirends that all of his friends and family loved. So my point is, what do I do? If he didnt want to be friends, why did he want to catch up with me last night? I realize that when I put the pressure on him that it doesnt help and he did admit he has been trying to push me away but it's been too hard to not talk to me. What to do??? Do you think he's still interested? Why would he still want to talk to me and why would he keep going back to his crappy girlfriends and is so hesitant to come back to me?
nextel Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 It is hard to say whether his interest is genuine or has an ingredient of sex included....but thats neither here or there. You are going to have to be smart about your siutation and probably play a little hard to get. Seems to me that you know what you want from him. It also seems to me that he is testing the waters to see what he can get out of you and get away with it. Example: if he can keep you around while he does his thing, then that will work for him. Generally, when men start to head towards there late 20's into there early 30's, they start to think of finding longevity in their relationships. But he problem is that they dont know what kind of woman they want until they meet her. This is what I would do if I were you. I would not text, IM, talk to his friends or him. You have to also understand that men have their friends get all the information they need to know in order to plot their routine. So you have to make it hard for him to obtain any information about you and when he does contact you, ask him exactly what he wants. Dont beat around the bush. If he is not giving you what you want, then cut all contacts with him. You want a relationship with him, you had one and things are not the same. So if you still want a relationship with him, then dont sell yourself short.
Author sleepb12 Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 Thank you for letting me know what you think. I honestly don't believe he is just looking for the sex because a) I haven't seen him still in 2 months and b) we still live three hours from each other until January, so I would say he's trying really hard to get me back in bed. Friday night, I ended up talking to him for like an hour and a half. I was just trying to stay on good terms with him even though we never really got on bad ones. He was the one that brought up our relationship and needless to say, he finally told me a lot more of why he broke up with me out of nowhere. He said that things got too intense and too fast and he acted way too in the moment. He said that he was so used to his past loves treating him like crap that he was honestly thrown off that he had finally had a girl who was nice to him. He still says that he had doubts leading up to the break up but he said that those had mainly to do with the fact that he could see a future with us and that made him ran. We agreed that the feelings are still there. The only thing I am still confused about is that he doesn't want to make a decision yet. He wants to be able to still talk to me but he said that he wasn't going to call me everyday and that if we do get back together, we are going to have to take it very slowly. I totally agree with that. He was also like, you will be here in less than a month, we will hang out and see where it goes..maybe we should just talk and wait until then. At the same time, he still said, I just dont want to hurt you again and I am just afraid that I am leading you on because I know I want ot be with you, I am just not a 100 percent on if we should immediately start back again. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. Just starting off talking slow and not immediately saying we are together is a good idea. The conversation was very pleasant, it was also very obvious to me, that he still wants to be with me. He is just still afraid and he said his friends kept telling him, dont lead her on, it's not cool and he said he was being as honest as he could. That's the most honest conversation we have had since it happened. Anyway, he told me that he wanted me to call him and I said for him to call me sometime and he was like I will, but it's not going to be all of the time and I said that's fine. The next day, he ended up text messaging me to see if I was going out that night because the night before I had told him that I met a guy and it made him jealous...kind of cute. I told him to have fun with cousin and be safe and he was like you too. Well, the conversation the night before, we ended up being very playful with each other. So, I went out last night and text messaged him kiddingly, breaking hearts tonight? He was just really short with me. I got paranoid about it and I asked if he was mad and he said no. Yes, i get it's a text message, but I had a feeling that there was something wrong. So I was like, I don't get what's going on, call me when you get home and he was like okay. So, I didn't hear from him last night. I don't get it!! Why does he act like that sometimes? I mean, it's not like he's just using me for a bootie call because we haven't seen each other in 2 months and I am still 3 hours away! What do you think?
Author sleepb12 Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 I am so confused....any suggestions from nextel or anyone?
westernxer Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 I think you need to live your life and let him make up his mind without your participation. Basically, cut him off until he's ready to make a commitment. Anything short of this is just a waste of time and emotions, mostly yours. Confusion on his part is the same as saying no. Before I forget... is this a long distance fling? If so, it's a waste of time.
Author sleepb12 Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 Yes, our relationship was long distance. However, I am still moving to the same city he lives in for a job. He said he wants to see how things go when I get down there before we immediately get committed to each other again. I actually agree with that. I don't think we need to jump back into anything anytime soon. Regardless, we would have to start things off back fresh and take them very slow and saying we are just going to see each other might be too big of a step like we did before.
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