sick of it Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 It seems as though my ex was emotonally checked out long before the relationship ended, but she would lie to me when i asked about it. its been 6 months and i still care for her deeply. i still dream about her and think about her. im still very much in love with her. shes been in a new relationship for 3 months after 5 1/2 years with me. i always want to know what shes doing because she was so needy with me. i never minded the neediness. everytime i check on her i get hurt. i know shes with this other guy (and moving very quickly), i know shes doing things she never did with me and has created a new (regressive) life for herself. and yet, though i keep getting hurt, i still want to check on her and see what shes doing. i still want to tell her how i feel. what makes me do that?
lottie Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Oh man, it's so hard when your partner was the needy one, and then they leave you for someone else. It makes you feel crazy, like everything you gave to them meant nothing. It makes you feel used. (I know because a similar thing just happened to me.) And the worst part is -- you still want to take care of them! I think that what happens is that, as much as they get used to getting what they "need" from us, we get used to being needed in that way. And it's sooo hard to suddenly not be needed anymore. Just try your hardest to move on, not to have contact with her. Do you have any friends you're close to -- maybe a female friend, a sister, your mom? Why don't you plan to call her the next time you feel like you need to check in with your ex? You need to substitute the negative feelings of loss with positive feelings of being cared for by your real friends. Also, since it seems like you're a nurturing person, maybe you can get out and start doing something that allows you to nurture things in a healthy way -- volunteer, get a dog, something like that?
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