Luvinit Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Okay, here goes... I have been dating this girl for a few months now, but have some concerns and am not exactly sure how to proceed. I could really use a fresh perspective on this. I would not ask any friends these questions because frankly I feel embarrassed for both my girlfriend and myself. The anonymity provided by this forum is my best hope I think for helping me to resolve these issues. First of all, we are both in our late 20s. She and I get along very well. We have been seeing each other exclusively for 6 months and have developed a strong bond because of the time we spend together. As with anything though, there are some things about this person that are becoming more of an issue for me and I am not sure how to approach the situation. The first thing is her appearance. She is very attractive, though she does not wear any makeup or spend much time doing her hair, nails, won't wearing earrings or jewelry of any kind. I really really like a woman who takes time to do her hair, wears makeup, has earrings... it is so feminine, so womanly. I know she seems to really like the 'natural' look, but how can I let her know that I think she would look so much better with makeup without causing friction? I have mentioned a color of lipstick in the past, only to be accused of thinking that she is not attractive the way she is. The second thing, going with her 'natural' thing, is that she does not groom "down there". Not at all... I mean it is clean and everything, but the hair is rather wild and in my opinion very unattractive. She is the first woman I have dated who is not either partially shaven or at least very well trimmed. Ladies, please tell me how I can approach this situation in a way that doesn't make me sound like a complete jerk or pervert? I just don't feel excited when it is like this. The third thing is that sometimes, well much of the time lately, she seems to forget or simply not wear deodorant. I didn't notice it much until we became sexually involved a few months ago. At first I thought it was just a fluke thing and ignored it, but I cannot ignore it anymore. This is becoming a major problem for me when it comes to being intimate with her. The smell of her underarms reminds me of a man, and I become turned off because of it. Maybe I just have a sensitive nose or something, but at times it can be very strong. Ladies, HOW do I let a girl know that she needs to use 'Secret' or some other product without offending her? I have never run into this problem in the past, and I feel guilty even mentioning it here sadly enough. Anyway, these are the issues I would really like some help with sorting out. I don't want to ask any of my friends because I would feel embarrassed for me and for her talking about them. These issues are very important to me, so much so that I have come here searching for help. I don't want to end the relationship because we genuinely fit as far as our personalities go. I really like having her in my life, and I know she feels the same. What can I do? What should I do? Am I a terrible person that should not pay attention to these things? Should I just save her the embarrassment of talking about my thoughts and just leave her? Please help!
jasmine111 Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 you shouldnt leave her for those kind of reasons if everything else is going great. if i didnt wear makeup and someone i dated said i should i would be offended...you should be happy she's naturally attractive. As for the other two things...i have absolutely no idea how to bring it up to her without a negative outcome. she seems like shes all into the natural thing. if this continues to really bother you then i guess you should talk to her about it. maybe ask her if she would consider shaving down there....i dont know i guess theres no good way of saying it
Shana Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Well... On the makeup, hair, nails etc. She should want to do these things, I cannot understand why she would not want to make herself that much more beautiful. Does she pluck her eyebrows?? Just curious because that says alot about a person as well. See, my bf rather me without (I love makeup) but in your case, I would go out and get her a nice makeup "set" and say hey, I bought you this, let's go buy you a nice dress and lets go out to a real fine resturant... see how that goes maybe? She may get all dolled up for this event and perhaps continue wearing it from there. I, as a girl would love this idea. Now, on the hieygene issues... Can you make a joke about it>?? Are you that comfy in your relationship yet? Like say ooooo, your stinky here's my "secret".. If my b/f comes from the gym or ate something stinky.. I say whoa nelly clean up that mouth or hey they deoderant is on the shelf over there. It is a fun way to say "hey, you stink". If you are comfy with her, make a joke about it.. As far as 'down below'... while involved in play mention something like, lets shave (together - you too) heard its better, much closer feel of intamacy (it is ya know).. see how she takes that. Maybe she does not know about what others do, what the in is down there .. some people don't ... I would not want you to break up with her because of these things.. if the fun joking way does not work out or anything else you try (in the nice way) then you may just need to tell her out right.. afterall, it would only be benefitting her. One thing, your lucky to have a girl with natural beauty.. that's hard to come by. :-) She seems to be earthy in nature, is she? Let us know how it goes!
RecordProducer Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 It's sad that you actually have to feel bad for her living in the Middle Ages! I would suggest you buy her a deodorant. If she refuses to use it, tell her flat out that you feel th smell of her sweat a little bit. If she is not brain-damaged, she should feel embarrassed and start taking care of it. Then tell her that you would like her pusy shaved. Then tell her that you like when a woman is all dressed up and made up as it shows how much she cares about her face and body which is sexy in your eyes. Buy her a set of make-up or some sexy clothes or jewelry. Ask her to wear it as a foreplay. Develop it into "Mmmm, baby, you look so great like this - I wish you could wear it more often!" When the nasty questions from her start, just tell her that every woman looks more beautiful with make up (which is why we all "throw" a lot of money on it ) and it has nothing to do with not being naturally beautiful. Tell her: "If you were naturally unattractive, no make-up would help you look great and maybe I wouldn't even be attracted to you." Natural beauty is sexy in the morning or in the shower or during Sunday breakfast or playing tennis or on th beach... But some things do distinguish a lady from a child or a guy (other than breasts and uterus).
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I think you need to let the make-up, lipstick thing go. She feels good without it and doesn't put it on unless she feels like it. The idea you have of her being more femimine isn't going to happen. You can suggest - at times and certain functions - for her to wear make up...Doesn't mean she'll do it. The bush thing - Well, that's easy...One night when you're fooling around, take some scissors in the bedroom...Tell her how much it would turn you on if you could do a good trim job on her pubes...That you want to see it all. Don't ask to shave it off. You wait for another time to do that one...(have a bath together someday.) The smelly arm pits is something. You have afew choices...Just buy her a non-scented deoderant (chances are she won't like the smell of the other ones) and leave it out for her. You tell her nicely, that when you two are intimate could she put it on. Oh man, this is hard eh? How does one bring that up? I say though, just be honest and really tell her how much you love her...But...This isn't fair to you. Hope this helps abit, good luck and keep posting.
konfuzd Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I agree that the armpit thing is a problem... maybe for Christmas, you could make her a gift basket with some scented soaps, and some pit stick. If you can't wait that long, just buy some, tell her how much you like the smell of it, and ask what she thinks.. Turn it into something lighthearted that won't hurt her feelings if at all possible. The make-up thing. Forget about it! Some women don't feel it necessary to paint their face on in the morning. Be thankful you have a woman who's naturally pretty, you don't have to wait 2 hours for her to get ready to go out. Maybe you should ask a couple questions of yourself. When you see her, is your hair always done? Do you have bulging pecs and huge muscles and spend copius amounts of time in the gym? because these things are very masculin. Also, do you shave the boys? So many guys expect a girl to be nice and smooth, yet it's ok for them to be all scragly... If you do, maybe you could bring it up... "man, it took me forever to get them all nice and smooth, just like a couple billiard balls (or marbles, depending on your 'situation')... hey know what might be fun?" There ya go. No feelings hurt... Just remember, don't expect more than what you're willing to donate to the relationship!
Rickymoemoe Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Wow what a wonderful tale. Yep your pretty much screwed marry her then you can tell her all that stuff least then she won't drop you like a sack of potatos. Giving her the deorderant for christmas or something is a great idea. Hell i'm always trying to get the girls I date to stop wearing makeup because they are all naturally beautiful, so frankly get use to her natural beauty. That's what you get when you date a HIPPIE CHICK....
feistygyal Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 was she all dolled up, wearing lipstick and jewellery when you first met? maybe that's JUST HER and she doesn't want to change. she's comfortable in her skin. you're not comfortable with her. o lord. i'ma gonna say you don't belong together. if even her pubic hair is an offense to you, my god, does it get any worse?
funnygirl Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I've been guilty of not shaving or trimming... I once had a very very nice boyfriend with whom I was cuddling in bed one night. We were talking a bit and he started mentioning porn stars and that they would shave or trim down there. That it would make their penis look bigger and that he also did it. I wasn't very experienced then and I found what he just confessed to be really funny. He further said that hygenical reasons also played a role and suggested in a very playful way that he would be interested in cutting it for me. I finally started to understand somewhat where he was heading to and the best thing was, I didn't feel offended, because he did it in a very gentle nice way without pushing me. Maybe he should have mentioned that it would really turn him on to make it even more understandable to me what he wanted (I'm sometimes not very good with reading between the lines )). Such things are really hard to talk about and it's easy to make people feel embarrassed, but I thought he did it very well, with a lot of understanding and a lot of care.
Lishy Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Imagine having to tell your girl you feel like Robin Hood when you see her Sherwood Forest between her legs and that her armpits are chucking up? Add to the mix that she really should wear make-up and you are heading for singlesville!!!!! Damn this is a tough one I would hate a guy who stinks but I would just say "phew baby you are smelling a bit ripe, I have some great deodorant, shall we shower together?" I could not bear not to say anything it would make me feel ill. Forget the make-up thing that will have to make do with subtle hints and maybe you buying her some, or treating her to a make-over in a store as a crimbo pressie may make her realise she looks better with make up on. Tell her in conversation that you love a trimmed/shaved pussy and let her take that in and see what she says!!!!!! Be warned though - You may leave it open for her telling YOU what you can do to improve yourself and you may not like it!!!!!!!
Author Luvinit Posted November 25, 2005 Author Posted November 25, 2005 Wow thank you all for the replies! A lot of good advice here, and I think I will just be direct about the issues with her and see what happens. I mean, if it goes down poorly, then the relationship will end... but if I say nothing I will most likely break things off myself. Yeah, I have never had a situation like this before, so hearing from you ladies helps a lot. Thank you all!
feistygyal Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 all in all, you've only been dating a few months. consider it the "getting to know you stage" and just be honest.
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