Sloppy Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I was gonna put something like "god fuc*ing dam*it" in the title,but figured I was just upset so it wouldn't really be appropriate. So I made a HUGE mistake tonight. After several months of NC I contacted my ex tonight. I feel low. I feel like sh*t. I've been missing him lately, seeing hope and chance, and yet knowing at the same time that there is none. And yet I did contact him. How stupid of me! I got tipsy and thought "oh what the heck". And yeah, I got to cry, I got to think, I got to go back to all the emotional times I had after the break up. So I don't understand. How is it that I was doing so well for a while, moving on and such, and all of a sudden I go crazy over my ex? It seems like I cannot remember the lies and betrayal, I only remember the loving times. Someone help! I feel like I'm loosing it.
NoFaith05 Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I understand what you are going through- it's called a relapse. I had one just recently. It's not a good thing. We become good at fooling ourselves into thinking that everything is just fine, when deep down it isn't. Talk to people on this message board. Talk to friends and family. Be active- just take your mind off of it all. I know that it's difficult. My relapse was so bad that I ended up calling the suicide hotline numbers (no joke).
Nikita20 Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Sloppy: Don't beat yourself up so much--we all have our weak moments. I think the holidays bring us down the most. Since we are with loved ones (friends and family), it sparks feelings about our exes. We wish that they were with us to share these special moments, but they aren't and it hurts really bad. Today I was so damn close to contacting my ex. I miss him so much and I even cried several times today. Since our breakup in August (he dumped me), we spoke to each other twice. Only TWICE!! Can you believe it? He called me in September and I called him a month later. I'd thought that he would call today, being that it was Thanksgiving, but he didn't. There are times when I think that I'm getting better and then there are times when this wave of sadness hits and I feel like I'm at an all time low. This breakup has been the most emotionally draining experience in my entire life. I've never felt so much heartache--it is mindblowing. I'm still sticking to NC and so should you. I'm hoping eventually, over time, I will heal. I know it will be a long process because I was together with my ex for almost 2 years. Plus, I thought he was the "one", the one I was going to marry. I guess not. And, that just adds to my sadness. Just hang in there. You aren't the only one that is suffering. Be strong and stick with the NC. It is the only way to go as far as your sanity and your heart is concerned. You CAN do it. You will heal, it will just take time. By the way, did you actually talk to your ex? If so, how did the conversation go? Or did you leave a message? Just curious.
malachai Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 i really feel for you, because i know that exact feeling you're going through. just happened to me a few nights ago. i posted here that night, cause i didn't know what to do, i was dazed and i felt scared of what i might have done. (i'm so thankful this place exits ) i think NoFaith is absoultely right: we fool ourselves into thinking that everything is fine, when it isn't. just because we are feeling better, and can have thoughts of the ex without those thoughts crushing us, doesn;t mean we're ready to talk to them. i think this is probably the case because our thoughts deal with things that have happened, and we can look at them from the outside and come to accept them. when you pick up the phone, no matter how much you may have prepared and planned out how the conversation would go, there are things that you couldn't have expected, and weren't really prepared for. even if the conversation goes exactly how you thought, just hearing the person's voice, their mannerisms, etc. is hard to get through. so my plan now is to follow NC until I feel like i'm ready to handle conversations with my ex. then, when i feel i'm ready to handle breaking NC, i will push on another two weeks. and then i'll know i can handle it. but i'll push on another week, and so on.
reader Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Don't beat yourself up. I did it too, (this person was just a friend - I wonder if "narcissist" fits his description.) But, am still moving forward, staying busy, making plans, etc. I just know that if I give it time, it will get better and I'll quit feeling so needy. I'm working out, am supposed to meet a friend today, and have homework. I actually feel more angry about it than sad. I said what I had to say, and am not "hooked" as much as knowing that it was a "habit", know what I mean? It just doesn't feel good anymore, and as I told a friend of mine, who told me to stick to NC, no one else treats me like this, and I have to set the standard. Today is a new day!
slubberdegullion Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Sloppy; Chill. Relax. It's not some sort of contest where you've just disqualified yourself. So lighten up on yourself. Feeling s***ty about it has it's place, but that place is now behind you, so move forward.
bigbrowneyes Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Hi Sloppy, Don't be so hard on yourself. The situation you are experiencing is difficult. I split up with my fiance in October and it's been extremely difficult to refrain from contacting him. Although I'm the one who decided it was best we stop seeing each other for a variety of reasons, I miss him. The holidays blues are kicking in and feel very lonely which gives me the desire to call. He has contacted me many times since we split up but I decided it's best that I no longer respond. It's like picking a healing wound. Each time we talk, the healing process needs to beging all over. It's not worth the 20 minute phone call to feel like I did when you first broke up. Do yourself a favor and stick to NC. You deserve better in your life. Turn to friends or family when you feel weak. If no one is available, write on this message board...that's why i'm here this morning! Reading this board helps me so much and I appreciate all those who provide their stories. Otherwise, go out by yourself to the mall, movie, walk, run, join a gym. Do something nice for yourself. You've already invested too much of your life in this person. Wake up everyday and make yourself smile...it helps direct your attitude for the day. When you think about him, only allow yourself 5 minutes to reflect than focus your though processes on something that will make you happier like a vacation or things that make you smile that exclude him. Keep your chin up.
francis Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 big brown eyes 'i decided its best that i no longer respond' what kind of contact is this? what does he say when he contacts you? this is my major failing. I can go NC until my ex starts to ask how I am, am i ok? then i get compelled to respond no matter what. it's like...zing! he cares about me, he's thinking about me, i cannot ignore him!! i NEED to do this now, i need to get out of this constant contact, i feel like i will go insane otherwise. how do you ignore questions like 'are you ok?' from your Ex??
bigbrowneyes Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Hi Francis, When I said "I decided that its best that I no longer respond" I meant that I delete his emails without reading them...permanently...so I cannot go back and take a peak. I blocked all the numbers that you could possibly call be from on my home phone. When he calls my cell phone, I don't answer and press delete when he leaves a message...without listening to the msg. I returned all his mail return to sender...no longer at this address. His attempts to contact me are dwindling as I no longer respond to his attempts. It's important for me to keep in mind that this person has spent 6 years of his life learning what and how to touch my heart. He knows how to weaken me...and at this point I miss him so much that it would be easy to forget all the reasons why we can't be together. I have never loved any man to the extent that I loved M but I know that just because I love him, it doesn't mean we are a good match. I know that in time I will remember that it's OK to be alone. I lived without him once and I'm certain that I can do it again...only maybe now I can do it even better. One of my best friends once told me that the best revenge is living well... and this is what you and I need to do right now. Do yourself a favor and resist the urge to respond to your X. Each time you speak to him you must begin the grieving process all over again. When you feel alone, call a friend or go to this message board. We can support you during your weak moments. You can do this. You lived a vibrant life before your X, you can do it again.
francis Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 thank you BBE so much for writing in more detail about how you are dealing with this...all i can say is that you are so so strong. After a spell of daily emails he broke the routine last Thursday and didnt email, then emailed Friday with curt, nonchalant replies to my messages. I sat in Uni reading the emails with tears falling down my face and that was when i knew that this has to end once and for all. it blatantly isnt worth the pain of staying in touch, clinging to any hope now. 6 months on, i should be well and truly over this by now. and i would be if i hadnt thought in my own stupid mind that remaining in contact would enable him to open up to me once more. i am drained, waiting for his emails, my heart leaping when his name appears in my inbox. it is sad, desperate and pathetic... it's delete all the way. and actually deleting them without even reading them. its the only option i have to a sane life of my own again. its true, about remembering the times before i even knew him, i do that with music, places i have been, people i have met...i remind myself, this is all what you used to do even before you knew he existed. all i have is two years of bad memories. i wish there was an operation to cut the memories out of my head. wipe him out. coz i'm tired of the pain and being reminded of him every day.
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