madisonian Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I'm in a phone chat with a girl I really like when she tells me that she has a policy of not dating; she's "not ready" for men, but very interested in having me as a friend. I tend to take this at face value, in that I don't suspect she secretly harbors an attraction toward me. The problem is as follows. If she's telling the truth (that she's at a point in her life where she's ready for relationships) then I'd like to be friends with her. Based purely on past experience with other women, I don't believe her at all. Usually, when women say "I'm not ready to be dating" I find that it actually means "I'm not ready to be dating you", as two months later such a woman is dating someone else. I simply won't become friends with a girl after she rejects me, but I'm not sure (in this case) that's what it is. Should I believe her and become friends with her, or should I just cut off all contact and ignore her calls/emails?
CoolAunt Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Madisonian, she's offering you nothing more than friendship at this time with no promise of more to come in the future. If you want more than friendship, you're gambling on nothing because that's what she's promised you.
LN8840K Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 if you want to become friends with her then do so without other expectations ... I think it can be turned around and have done it ....... hmmmmmmmmm I had a girl tell me that, had sex with her then she dumped me when I didnt pay enough attention to her ..... go figure
Author madisonian Posted November 25, 2005 Author Posted November 25, 2005 Madisonian, she's offering you nothing more than friendship at this time with no promise of more to come in the future. If you want more than friendship, you're gambling on nothing because that's what she's promised you. Right, and I'm fine with just being friends with her, if she's being honest about not being ready for dating. However, if she hooks up with another guy in a month, I'll feel like an idiot. Any guy who becomes friends with a girl after she rejects him is pwned. The problem is that I don't know if she was rejecting me, or if she was telling the truth about being "not ready" for dating.
LN8840K Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 a chance you're going to take ...... so find a women that wants a relationship then if she does hook up with someone else it wont bother you .....I do feel your pain my brother
CoolAunt Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Right, and I'm fine with just being friends with her, if she's being honest about not being ready for dating. However, if she hooks up with another guy in a month, I'll feel like an idiot. Any guy who becomes friends with a girl after she rejects him is pwned. The problem is that I don't know if she was rejecting me, or if she was telling the truth about being "not ready" for dating. If she does start seeing someone else in a month, I don't think you should feel like an idiot. In fact, I don't think that you should feel rejected because it's not as if you were dating and then she dumped you for someone else. And because she didn't select you as a potential suitor doesn't mean that you're in any way inadequate. It only means that she doesn't feel that you're the right suitor for her. What if you two remain friends and she doesn't start seeing someone else next month because she really isn't ready to date. But, in a year she starts seeing someone else. Would you feel like a rejected idiot then? If so, then it's not so much about her BSing you as it is about you wanting to be more than friends with her. If you agree to be friends only because you want more, then aren't you being dishonest, maintaining a relationship under false pretenses?
Yamaha Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I seriously doubt if she really means she is not ready for a relationship. If the right guy came along she would date HIM. I would take her at face value and believe what she says. She is rejecting you in a womens way so if you can't be friends then you know what to do.
Author madisonian Posted November 25, 2005 Author Posted November 25, 2005 If the right guy came along she would date HIM. This is exactly what I believe, too, in general. I want to believe her, that there's something in her life that makes her unable to date and that it has nothing to do with me, but honestly I don't. My gut is telling me exactly what you say, in which case I should just ignore all contact.
westernxer Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 My gut is telling me exactly what you say, in which case I should just ignore all contact. Exactly...
Rickymoemoe Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I got a question for the people who posted in this thread. What if it is the other way around? What if the girl asked the guy but he said he only wants to be friends right now. Does the same rules apply?
westernxer Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 I got a question for the people who posted in this thread. What if it is the other way around? What if the girl asked the guy but he said he only wants to be friends right now. Does the same rules apply? Of course.
Sevenmack Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 When a woman says she has a policy of not dating, she means she has a policy of not dating you. Period. Would it be better if she spelled it out? Yes. But to paraphrase Dan Savage, euphemisms and nonverbal communication are as relevant as direct verbal communication and probably even more important because people by nature are cowards. So move on. If you're not worth her time, she's not worth yours.
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