konfuzd Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 Ok, I was really hoping that men grew out of the mind games by the age of 34, but I suppose it was just another dream. First off, I hate talking on the phone, the only reason I'll call someone is to make plans. For some reason though, with this guy (who also claims to hate talking on the phone), the conversations go so well that time seems to slip away. Monday night, we had another half hour conversation-this was the shortest conversation we've had yet, everything was great! Again, during the conversation, he says, "we really need to get together sometime, SOON".... I reply... "the last 6 weeks of talking about getting together have been really fun, how 'bout we cut the bullsh*t, and just do it already?" he replies with, "I don't really know what my work schedule is like, they keep telling me I'm laid off, but keep putting me down for night shifts... I'll call you and let you know when I'm free. I really want to hang out with you again!" Fair enough, I know he's been struggling with his imminent lay off, so I've been really supportive, and trying to keep things lighthearted. The last thing he needs is some woman nagging at him for not calling, when he's going through this. It's now Thursday, and I haven't heard from him... This seems to be the way, we talk about getting together, but he can never commit to a specific day or time, and then we never end up getting together. Our last date was 6 weeks ago, and was fantastic, (no sex). If he's really not interested, why does he bother calling & telling me he wants to get together? Would it not be easier (on both of us) if he just didn't call at all? Why waste the time? Any thoughts on this? I am really interested in this guy, don't want to just give up, but am getting frustrated with the constant dissapointment.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 If he's really not interested, why does he bother calling & telling me he wants to get together? Would it not be easier (on both of us) if he just didn't call at all? Why waste the time? Any thoughts on this? I am really interested in this guy, don't want to just give up, but am getting frustrated with the constant dissapointment. Be honest and tell him what you said, above. It's honest and no bulls***. You want him to decide! s*** or get off the pot. Not knowing for sure is what drives one CRAZY! Be sure to mention that to him too. And...That you're too old for those kind of games...if he wants to date you, great! If not, say so now so you can get on with your life. Plain and simple.
LN8840K Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 hmmmm ........ one things for sure .....you are thinking about him a lot ......I would ask him are we going out and if he starts his bs again ....... move on
CoolAunt Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 He's keeping you on the hook as a fall back or backup to go out with when no "better offers" come along. If you don't mind that, then cool. If you don't like it, then blow him off.
Outcast Posted November 25, 2005 Posted November 25, 2005 If he's about to lose his job, he could be working every extra hour they give him in order to save up money. Go easy on the guy! You may have never worked so much that you were too exhausted to even do things you enjoy but I certainly have and I would have been miserable had an SO deserted me because of it.
Author konfuzd Posted November 25, 2005 Author Posted November 25, 2005 Thank you for all your thoughts on this! you are thinking about him a lot This is very true... partly because I'm fairly new in my current city where I have 1 or 2 aquaintences, but no close friends. The other part is the natural flow of conversation, we have so much in common, have never had an awkward silence, and can pretty much talk about anything, which I've never felt with a new person in my life before. He's keeping you on the hook as a fall back or backup to go out with when no "better offers" come along I have thought about this, but trying to see things from his perspective, during a stressful time, I wonder if maybe he'd rather be with close friends than some new girl he's trying to impress. If he's about to lose his job, he could be working every extra hour they give him in order to save up money. Go easy on the guy! You may have never worked so much that you were too exhausted to even do things you enjoy I do understand fully! I put myself through university, and I'll be paying it off for the next 10 years! I am trying to be understanding of his situation, but at the same time, I don't understand the reason he invites me out, and then doesn't call/txt to explain why he can't follow through with a plan that he has made. I'm not the girl who wants to be there every night of the week, just if we make plans, I expect to either keep them, or get an excuse beforehand, not afterwards.
Author konfuzd Posted November 25, 2005 Author Posted November 25, 2005 Be honest and tell him what you said, above. It's honest and no bulls***. You want him to decide! s*** or get off the pot. Not knowing for sure is what drives one CRAZY! Be sure to mention that to him too. And...That you're too old for those kind of games...if he wants to date you, great! If not, say so now so you can get on with your life. Plain and simple. Very well said! I agree fully, thank you!
Author konfuzd Posted December 3, 2005 Author Posted December 3, 2005 Ok, so he still hasn't made contact... Still don't know why, still frustrated. On Monday night, I phoned the local radio station and won 2 tickets to this concert. During my last conversation with this guy, I had mentioned that I had already bought myself a ticket for this show. He said he really wanted to go, but didn't have a ticket yet. I assumed that it's because of his financial situation, since he usually buys tickets to shows as soon as they become available. It's a passion he and I both share. So, I'm thinking, 'perfect!' great way to see him again. I can offer him the free ticket, and I get a night out with this great guy, we both win! So, I txt him on Tuesday to let him know I won these tickets, and he could have one if he wanted. His response, "you might just have yourself a new best friend!!" I was so happy. Sounds like I made his day, and I was pretty psyched myself. There have been several occations where we've made plans to go out, and it never materialized, and I ended up dissapointed. So, I decided to phone and confirm that he is for sure going. I left a message on his voicemail yesterday, since I still have one extra ticket, I just asked to confirm that one ticket was definately spoken for. Still no response... It's now Saturday, the show is on Monday. Still no reply. I've offered him a free ticket. Trying to do something nice for him, wouldn't it just be common courtesy to respond? Also, if he does happen to show up, how do I approach the issue without making him feel degraded? I have been under a lot of stress, myself lately, in a high pressure position at work, struggling to meet friends in a new city etc... I want to let him know that his actions have dissapointed me, while at the same time being sensitive to his problems. Any suggestions on how to approach this?
CoolAunt Posted December 3, 2005 Posted December 3, 2005 Maybe things are working out for him with Betty Better Deal and there's no reason to keep you on the line. Okay, my cynicism aside...Whatever's going on with him, it's no reason for him to be so rude about the invitation. It's not as if the tickets will keep forever. If he doesn't want to go, and it looks like he doesn't, he should have been polite enough to tell you so that you'd have time to ask someone else. Call me a b!tch, but I wouldn't worry about being sensitive towards him since he's not been at all sensitive towards you. ...struggling to meet friends in a new city etc... Blow him off and invite someone else to go with you. That's a good way to grow a new friendship. You don't have much time so start making some phone calls right away. Have fun at the concert!
Author konfuzd Posted December 5, 2005 Author Posted December 5, 2005 Thanks CoolAunt. Your cynicism was warranted in this situation. I got a txt from him Saturday night... "sorry I didn't get back to you, I work on monday night".... Not good enough in my opinion. I offered him something for free, and he waited until the last minute to decline, and did it in the most impersonal way he could. He would have known far before Saturday that he was working. He is very disrespectful, rude, and not worth all the attention I've given him already. I wish I had someone else to call, but simply put, I don't. Every person I've met has turned out identical to this guy. They will show interest at the beginning, and then leave me hanging to dry with no explanation. It is truly maddening. I guess I have no choice but to go solo, and try to sell the tickets at the door. I'm getting the feeling I have some giant neon sign over my head calling out to all the self absorbed, useless, pathetic b@stards!!! I know not everyone is like that, but how are they all drawn to me?????? I really feel as though I've given so much of myself to everyone around me, an d no one has given me anything in return, that I'm running on empty. I have nothing left to give. Why are these people so freaking selfish???? ARGHHHH (wow, feels a bit better to get that out)
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