solsta Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 well i've posted before about my toxic relationship with what i believe is a narcissist now.... it's been almost a year and a half of my life. Back and forth and every time i end it i go back. i recently found out he cheated on me and i have reason to think he may see ppl behind my back. now i really do want to let him go and find someone who treats me right. we have plans tomorrow night, do i just cut off all contact without explanation or??? i want to walk away with some pride. I can't send an email, i have done that too many times. what to do??? meet him for coffee today? i am clueless...
Horaki Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I've only been in a couple of relationships, but if I were you I would make no contact with the guy. He knows what he did wrong and when you do not talk to him he will know why. In my relationships when ever I was suspicious or thought something, I was right but if you bring it up to the person they will find any and everywhich way to deny that it ever happend or they will try to make you feel like your in the wrong for "checking" up on them. To help yourself morally and emotionally ditch the guy and definately do not meet up with him it's not worth the time.
Judas Christian Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 The first thing you need to do is realize your own worth. Realize if you are faithful and loyal, you should expect the same from your SO. He screwed around on you and you don't have to tolerate that. The power is always in your hands, even if you don't know it. The trap we can often fall into is feeling low about ourselves, feeling like we may deserve such treatment, or that we can't do better alone or with someone else. All of those things are lies. You're better off without someone like this - drop him like a hot potato.
westernxer Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Just dump him. You know, tell him it's over. Then don't look back. It's that easy.
Author solsta Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 i have a half dozen times or more, seems like once a week so he does not take it seriously and i am left to look pathetic. i want to walk away with a little pride. i think i should text him i can't make tomorrow and then NC from there... no explanations, he already knows.
Judas Christian Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Text and no contact is fine, I suppose, but it still shows a lack of backbone. The formula is fairly simple - you confront, you break up, and you STAND BY IT. The only reason you look pathetic is because you break it off and then retract. This time, make it for keeps. Be bold about it, in his face, but STAND BY IT - you'll feel better about yourself because, for once, you did exactly what you said you'd do - and he can't afford to laugh about it anymore.
Author solsta Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 ok, getting mixed messages now. so should i meet briefly with him, end it, walk away and leave it?
Horaki Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 "i have a half dozen times or more, seems like once a week so he does not take it seriously and i am left to look pathetic." Everytime you go back thats why you feel like your left too look pathetic , if you text him hes going to want to know why and then your just going to end up in the same boat. You should do like everyone said and just leave it and him alone and dont go back so this time he knows it's serious because if I was him , I'd feel great having you come back everytime especially if i was the one *****ng up. Everything is easier said than done but you can do it, just NC at all because it almost seems like your texting him is just a reason to talk to him again. Believe me i'd do the same thing with my ex g/f just to find a reason to talk to her or get in contact with her or find some way for her too contact me.
westernxer Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 i have a half dozen times or more, seems like once a week so he does not take it seriously and i am left to look pathetic. No wonder... you keep going back.
Judas Christian Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 No contact is certainly acceptable if you believe that's the only way you can be strong. My point is that you might feel better about yourself if you can talk to him face to face and break up with him - and mean it. By mean it, I mean stand by it, never look back. After telling him it's over, no contact. If you resort to only no contact now, without having told him (even if it's for the millionth time) that it's over, it may work as far as breaking up with him. But you'll also know that you had to do the equivalent of "running and hiding" to break it off. It's up to you, either can be effective, but your self respect might be higher if you finally make a real stand face-to-face and don't retract it.
Author solsta Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 thanks for pointing out the obvious westernxer anyways i guess i feel bad to just cut things off without saying anything but if that is what it takes to take back my pride then so be it. NC it is. I'll let you know how it goes.
Author solsta Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 well i took the face to face approach. it worked fine for me, i didn't feel like caving it just reinforced that it will never work with us. Now it's time for NC if he tries to contact me. why do i feel like **** then?
westernxer Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 why do i feel like **** then? Because you're a sweetheart who doesn't like to hurt people. Sometimes you have to get tough, otherwise you'll get trampled. You did the right thing, that much is certain.
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