fomerlyniceguy Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 So how is everytone going to make it through the holidays? My wife just moved out yesterday, I am doing ok with it. This will be my first Thanksgiving in 6 years to be alone. I am spending it with family because they live close, but will end up coming home to a half empty house. Not looking forward to that. She wanted to be out by yesterday so we wouldn't have a bad holiday go figure. fng
Cupcake Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Holidays are the worst times that make us single people feel more lonely. I'm getting used to doing things by myself. But during the holidays, I dread being with my family where everyone is a couple, or have children. I am the only single person in my family. Even the other unmarried people have girlfriends and boyfriends. All I have is "me." So I'm the odd one. And it makes me feel terrible. They keep asking me why I don't have anyone in my life, and I don't know the answer. It seems they are feeling sorry for me, or making fun of me. Either way, I don't like it. Holidays Suck!
Author fomerlyniceguy Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 I am going to try to look at it from a different angle this year. I have a new found respect for myself. So I plan on using it. I am sure I will get the old, "How you holding up" question. My answer is going to be "Great". I finally realize what I deserve from a relationship and I won't settle for less. So if someone asks you how come you don't have someone say it is because I haven't found anyone who deserves me yet. I know sounds kind of narrcissitic but it is the truth. Most of us on this board are kind and loving people and deserve that in return. Don't let anyone get you down, and do something for yourself, however small it maybe. It is going to be tough I know, but I am not going to let anything get me down. I don't deserve to feel worthless. Either do you Cupcake.
Apathetic Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I love the holidays but admit I am not enjoying them as much as when I was w/ my ex..I'll be with family but its still lonely...
scobro Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Two words for the holidays......HOT ESCORTS!!!!
consumed Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I just want to wake up tomorrow and have it be April. Im not looking forward to Christmas or newyears at all now that my ex broke things off.
In Sync Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this holiday...every moment is a struggle to keep my head up. I never imagined I could feel this lonely...tell me the secret to deal with a heartache duing the holidays. I'm sure my ex had no problem hooking up with someone by now. I envy people who have that ability to hook up so quickly with somebody, they never feel lonely.
kitten chick Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I envy people who have that ability to hook up so quickly with somebody, they never feel lonely. Really? Do you want to be that shallow? I doubt it. With the good comes the bad. Everyone will survive the holidays and will probably have more $$$ in their bank account since they don't have to buy their lame ex's and their lame ex's families presents.
In Sync Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Really? Do you want to be that shallow? I doubt it. With the good comes the bad. Everyone will survive the holidays and will probably have more $$$ in their bank account since they don't have to buy their lame ex's and their lame ex's families presents. ahhhhhaaaaaaa...yeeeeah you've got a point..it's just that sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side.
lilmoma1973 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Sorry to hear that !! Maybe she figured if she didn't leave you now she never will .. Seems to me she was waging wars whether to leave that is why she left before the holidays because it can bring people together sometimes or maybe she was wanting to be with another man for the holidays!!! I hate the holidays because i have to spend it with my inlaws and i can't stand to be around them so nosey in my relationship and love to cause conflict between my h and me !!!Good luck hope it gets better!!
lilmoma1973 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 ahhhhhaaaaaaa...yeeeeah you've got a point..it's just that sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. i just love that saying about the grass!!! BECAUSE no matter who you go to you are going to have problems just like your relationship before so you might as well stay and work through things because the other person will be no different!!!
scobro Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 tell me the secret to deal with a heartache duing the holidays. I'm sure my ex had no problem hooking up with someone by now. I envy people who have that ability to hook up so quickly with somebody, they never feel lonely. The secret is to be happy with yourself.People like your ex have the ability to just hook up with other people because they need to fill some empty void and it is often forced.These people are not happy with themselves and feel validated by "any' companionship.You probably think he is going to be all "lovey dovey" with someone and this just will not be the case.I would rather be alone than to have to spend the holidays with someone that is not "special" to me.It will take time and I don't know about you but I am a realationship type of person and it wouldn't feel right just to hook up with someone if it wasn't leading somewhere and right now I am not ready for that so either way I will be alone but realise it is by choice.I also feel meeting someone special shouldn't be forced or happen because its needed to not feel lonely.All I have had are long term relationships never really dated a lot of people because the people that came into my life happened by chance and naturally not two lonely people looking for love that seemed forced.I went 3 and a half years of being alone not one date before I met my ex once i met her we dated and found we had chemistry etc..I guess my point is let it happen naturally when you are ready because the time when a relationship is right is when you really don't need anybody to make you happy.
cynicalnlove Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 The secret is to be happy with yourself.People like your ex have the ability to just hook up with other people because they need to fill some empty void and it is often forced.These people are not happy with themselves and feel validated by "any' companionship.You probably think he is going to be all "lovey dovey" with someone and this just will not be the case.I would rather be alone than to have to spend the holidays with someone that is not "special" to me.It will take time and I don't know about you but I am a realationship type of person and it wouldn't feel right just to hook up with someone if it wasn't leading somewhere and right now I am not ready for that so either way I will be alone but realise it is by choice.I also feel meeting someone special shouldn't be forced or happen because its needed to not feel lonely.All I have had are long term relationships never really dated a lot of people because the people that came into my life happened by chance and naturally not two lonely people looking for love that seemed forced.I went 3 and a half years of being alone not one date before I met my ex once i met her we dated and found we had chemistry etc..I guess my point is let it happen naturally when you are ready because the time when a relationship is right is when you really don't need anybody to make you happy. Don't worry about the holidays, just get through it and give yourself a gift.. Do something for yourself this year.
bendit Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this holiday...every moment is a struggle to keep my head up. I never imagined I could feel this lonely...tell me the secret to deal with a heartache duing the holidays. I'm sure my ex had no problem hooking up with someone by now. I envy people who have that ability to hook up so quickly with somebody, they never feel lonely. actually they are just masking an inner hurt...they are papering over their feelings..don't envy them. Its not what you think. regards
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 Guess what I get to spend Thanksgiving by myself. My Thanksgiving plans fell through and since my ex broke up with me I dont have him to lean on (for the last few years, I have been going to the ex's to spend Thanksgiving with him and his parents). I have no idea what I am going to do. The only friend i have left out here is going away for Thanksgiving and I dont have anybody else to hang with.
In Sync Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 A year ago I was at least somewhat happy...might have been a crappy relationship but at least I had a pair a strong arms I could count on...in two hours it will Thanksgiving. and then endless days of this countless holiday cheer a perfect reminder..he's no longer a part of my existence. That part of my life with him is done with. strange feeling.
NoFaith05 Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 "People like your ex have the ability to just hook up with other people because they need to fill some empty void and it is often forced.These people are not happy with themselves and feel validated by "any' companionship." This is so very true. It was so hard for me to understand how people could do this- I could never do it- force myself with someone just to not feel alone. But then again, I'm also happy with myself. I've spent more time alone than I have with someone.
bendit Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 People, guess what. MILLIONS of people spend Thanksgiving ALONE..Maybe 100s of millions. Its not the end of the world. You will survive. Its really all how you think about it. You think you need some strong arms (or weak ones) holding you to "validate" your thanksgiving and to make it look like you have someone there, and to the outside world, you have your act together. But all that is just a mind game. It doesn't matter. If you are alone, take a breath and bring your attention to the breath. Alone or with someone...its ALL the same. Its about experiencing the moment and being here, now. It really is. So let us all stop thinking we need to be validated by a warm body next to us. We don't. And it really diminishes the lives of the many many many people in the world (and I do mean World) that, for a wide variety of reasons, don't have families or loved ones to spend holidays with. They've been hit by famine, sickness, hunger, homelessness, giant waves, earthquakes, wars, and killer flus. And us, well we don't have strong arms holding us at night. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. When you find yourself feeling down: BREATHE and notice you are ALIVE. regards
In Sync Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 bendit Gobble... Gobble....After reading your post, I felt right guilty. Ok, ok...I know millions of people all around the world are in far worse positions. I was selfish for whinning. I'm quite aware that things could be worse for me. In fact I experienced first hand how worse it can get..unfortunately I haven't been able to completely shut those nasty "voices of the ghosts" of my relationship that say...wouldn't it be nice if....
JohnJohn Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 Great post bendit. Often times we get too caught up in our own personal problems and magnify them so much. It's all about perspective and when you think of it, you really don't have it that bad as compared to other folks in the world. Go visit a cancer ward or a hospice sometime and then you'll see that your life isn't as hopeless as you think. I think we all do put too much emphasis on relying on someone else to make us happy. When you put it in perspective, you come into this world alone and you will leave it alone. People come in and out of our lives for a reason and to share the journey, but we musn't put too much stock in someone else making us complete. I've finally realized this myself after years of having my head in the sand.
NrclptcNSmniak Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 actually bendit's post isn't entirely true... if it were then we would be a sexual.... heh..... its not that we need validation... and its not taht we're singling ourselves out from everyone else. at least im not... i understand that a lot of people are alone... i understand that even being happy is all a state of mind... life in itself is a "mind game" whether it be financially or socially. it's not exactly that ineed the embrace of my x... its more like remembering the times that you spent with her... all of those happy times... basically thrown in the trash.... what did any of it mean. just because you're not the only one that is alone doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel the pain. the fact is you come into this world alone and you will leave it alone. not true... you have your siblings and your parents. (there are of course exceptions) you expand those bonds into friendships and your other relationships so that you don't die alone. of course there are other reasons but id rather not get into them as they aren't relavant to my point enough to bring them up. every day you spend alone during these holidays just magnifies your memories of the past... and how things were when you had someone. turns every bite of turkey into a painful reminder of how those days are gone. eventually you will find another but in that transition period, especially during these times, its difficult to not think of how being alone is so much worse than being with someone you love and care about, and is there for you as a friend, lover, and companion. i always get upset at those who belittle the feelings that people in heartache go through.. i understand that it is unsightly to see people in such a pathetic state, and want to just slap them out of it, but it doesn't work that way. just because someone has cancer doesn't mean that person isn't happy... to think of someone with cancer as someone who deserves sympathy or pity is, to say the least, disrespectful and close-minded. in some ways it can be a blessing because they come to appreciate a painless life so much more. then again all people are different... even if we categorize them as having cancer or being poor, there will be the exceptionally happy ones and the extreme opposite. breath has nothing to do with feeling. just because we breathe the same doesn't mean we feel the same in our minds or in our hearts. life and the act of breathing doesn't mean crap without reason, fulfillment, or the quest for either or both. the person you love becomes a great part of your life and an integral part in both of those things. you do things for his or her sake. and at the same time they do things for your sake. the reason you do what you do is half tied to the person you are with. fulfillment is sought through achieving your own goals with yourself and with your partner. when that person just goes away... it can be very difficult to heal the gaping hole left in those driving parts of your life. im not exactly telling everyone to wallow in their self pity... i would rather say that i understand the way that you feel and it is justified. the only thing you can do now is try and make yourself whole again. you knew how to live without him/her before. rediscover your own reason for breathing for eating for waking up in the morning. but when the time comes, don't be afraid to let someone in. be confident in what you do.
scobro Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 might have been a crappy relationship but at least I had a pair a strong arms I could count on. Were you moving heavy objects with this guy a lot???. Go down to your local gym lots of guys with strong arms;) I guess the male version of your quote is..."might have been a crappy relationship but at least I had a couple of big t!ts I could count on".
JohnJohn Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 actually bendit's post isn't entirely true... if it were then we would be a sexual.... heh..... its not that we need validation... not true... you have your siblings and your parents. (there are of course exceptions) you expand those bonds into friendships and your other relationships so that you don't die alone. of course there are other reasons but id rather not get into them as they aren't relavant to my point enough to bring them up. Okay I don't see one reason that you have that said bendit's post isn't entirely true. Your reasoning is questionable and lacks substance to say the least. We don't come into this world alone? You say you have your siblings and parents. What if you don't have siblings? You're assuming everyone does. Or is this one of the exceptions that you do not explain? There are many only children out there. Of course you have your parents but you are coming in alone. They are already HERE. They didn't come in with you. Okay I'll give you this....perhaps if you are a Siamese Twin then you don't come in alone. Otherwise you come into this world alone through your mama's womb. I never said anyone with cancer deserves pity sympathy. You're making an assumption again that once again is irrelevant. Next time I hear of someone that has cancer, I'll throw a party. How's that? I'll pat 'em on the back and say "congratulations on getting cancer!" I'm sure they'll be receptive of that and thank me to no end. The point is, without the need to dissect it, is that there are people out there with worse problems than we have with a breakup. That's it. The whole point here is that you are a separate entity and shouldn't have to rely on someone else to validate you. Period. .
In Sync Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 ok, when I mentioned that "at least I had a pair a strong arms I could count on." I merely meant, in that it was nice to be held in his arms, that I could lean into the comfort of his arms. Must we be well...glib, just for the sake of being glib. Anyway hope you had a good hoilday weekend. And by the way, every day you spend alone during these holidays just magnifies your memories of the past... and how things were when you had someone. turns every bite of turkey into a painful reminder of how those days are gone. eventually you will find another but in that transition period, especially during these times, its difficult to not think of how being alone is so much worse than being with someone you love and care about, and is there for you as a friend, lover, and companion. NrclptcNSmniak, you tapped into my sentiments and expressed quite clearly how I was feeling..and it does not mean or take away our feelings or recognition from those who may be less fortunate either. Everything is not just either or.
bendit Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 ok, when I mentioned that "at least I had a pair a strong arms I could count on." I merely meant, in that it was nice to be held in his arms, that I could lean into the comfort of his arms. Must we be well...glib, just for the sake of being glib. Anyway hope you had a good hoilday weekend. And by the way, NrclptcNSmniak, you tapped into my sentiments and expressed quite clearly how I was feeling..and it does not mean or take away our feelings or recognition from those who may be less fortunate either. Everything is not just either or. hmmm...quite dramatic..."every bite of turkey is a PAINFUL reminder?" When I bit into my turkey it wasn't painful. It was GOOD!!! Hey we survived Thanksgiving! Now lets shoot for xmas and new years! And in 2006, may we each find our strong arms, or weak arms.
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