Confused and in love

[Swedishtea]

For over a year now I have been dating the man I love. When we first started going out everything was perfect, then the honeymoon period ended bringing to reality what a relationship really is. It was hard to see one another because of our distance, but we would see each other as much as possible. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in. A girl could not ask for more in a boyfriend, smart as hell, funny, sweet, handsome, and my family is in love with him as well.

But a couple months ago, a guy that I was head over heals about at one point, contacted me. It is a confusing situation actually... am embarrassed to say but we met on the internet, there I said it. Yes we met on the internet, and have never met him. When we used to talk we would talk for hours and would correspond almost everyday.

Every woman has there dream man, well he was it! Blond hair, blue eyes, fit, extremely smart, the sweetest guy (not because he sooner or later wanted to get laid, but it was in his nature), and had an accent. But the thing is, at the time I was underage and he was a bit older than me... We had chatted and talked for over a year as well. my parents found an email he had written me and band us talking again and so we stopped.. now that I am now over 18 he contacted me... He told me that he had been waiting till I turned 18 so we could talk and that he missed me.

I don't know what to think really, we chatted after I got his email and I told him that I had a boyfriend and all that was new with me within the years of not talking. He was extremely sad and sometimes I hate myself because I know that it is hurting him. At first we emailed a lot and chatted, but we haven't now for over a month or two and he emails me rarely.. I feel as if my feelings that I had for him before are coming back and i don't know what to do.

I don't think I could ever live without my current boyfriend, I love him. But on the other hand I have feelings for another man and I'm thinking to myself.. now that I am older I should buy a plane ticket and finally just see the guy! Just meet him before he doesn't want to because I have a boyfriend!... And the guy over seas doesn't want to come when I have a boyfriend because he thinks it will complicate things with my boyfriend, and I know he is completely right!

I don't know what to do.. After talking to him though I feel guilty and feel as if I am cheating on my boyfriend because I have these feelings even though I am not saying or doing anything that would be considered cheating. I want to tell my current boyfriend these feelings but I know that he would want to break up.

[playingdiva]

Ok, I think that it would be a good idea for you to meet this guy. It might help you figure out what you want and resolve your feelings. After spending sometime with this other man you may realise that he is not for you and can then move on and look to the future with your boyfriend without having a "what if" hanging over you head. hope that helps

[LifeBound]

I disagree.

 

If and when you meet this internet guy, if he is anything above a horrible person, your going to be in heaven, i guarantee that. Your imagination will play up the whole scenario and you will have the time of your life, sort of like being in a fairytale. In a sense you are in one, but sooner or later you have to wake up. It is like taking a trip to some deserted island. That island is going to seem like the best place on earth for the first few weeks, but then when you see it as 'home' and not just a vacation, your world crumbles.

 

In reality you must weigh up what you have vs. what you could potentially have. Is it worth risking to lose a man that you say is an awesome partner just for a gamble that this guy could be better? Because that is basically what your asking advice for.

 

Also. remember what i said in the beginning, your going to be in bliss if he is above that horrible person standard b/c you'll be living in the moment. Unfortunately this blissful state doesn't wear off in 2 hours, it lingers for weeks?, maybe months. Are you prepared to go through an emotional crisis ? You should better be, b/c it will come, unless you are a cold and naturally deceitful person.

 

You are young, being tied to one person at a young age, facing the fact that this is the person you are serious with and could potentially marry with so many experiences out there left in question, is a scary thing.

 

You aren't going to get any better advice then people saying: 'do what you feel is best for you, just realise the consequences of both routes you take'

 

Just, as my own personal philosophy, if you're in a relationship with one person, don't play games behind his back. At least have the decency to tell him what is going on. If you can't face the music and take responsibity for what you choose, you lose respect in my book.

Being young is no excuse to act immorally and toy with people.

 

keep me informed on which route u do take!

Sal

[Swedishtea]

Thanks Sal for the advice you gave, I also had been thinking the same as you stated as the internet guy and the bliss theory. I agree, that I could think when or if I were to meet him that he is a great guy but in reality he is terrible. I see where you are coming from, your input was very helpful. Like you said I am young yes, but I just said I was in love with my boyfriend, never said I wanted to marry him. In all my relationships I don't like to think of the future with him, or the end. That way I am not disappointed or hurt in the end. Also though to let you know I told my boyfriend about me talking to him and I asked him if he would be comfortable with me talking to him. He said yes, and he knows my past feelings and past with the guy. But I am not hiding anything from my boyfriend, just the fact that I kinda like the guy a little now. At the time of writing that I was very confussed but am clear headed about the situation now. I think now since sitting on the situation now, I just want to be friends and nothing more and not even think about it until I am single.. Thank you again! ~Swedishtea