aklost101 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 the last straw has finally broken. i'm done. i told him i can't do this anymore... and i just wanted to thank all of your for your help and support. thanks. i'm really sad about the whole thing--- but i was in a car accident (minor, thankfully) and when i called to tell him, hoping he would come visit me at the hospital, before i even got my story out he told me it was his anniversary and that i should know better than to even call him that day... and hung up. i know now that he'll never leave her despite the empty promises and i know it's for the better. i'm so angry about it, NC will be easy. hah thanks again, LS'ers
erika2610 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 the last straw has finally broken. i'm done. i told him i can't do this anymore... and i just wanted to thank all of your for your help and support. thanks. i'm really sad about the whole thing--- but i was in a car accident (minor, thankfully) and when i called to tell him, hoping he would come visit me at the hospital, before i even got my story out he told me it was his anniversary and that i should know better than to even call him that day... and hung up. i know now that he'll never leave her despite the empty promises and i know it's for the better. i'm so angry about it, NC will be easy. hah thanks again, LS'ers Well good luck to you.. That WAS pretty crappy of him to do. Ick. But at least you finally saw him for what he is. A scum bag. It'll be hard for a while. I know when I broke up with my MM, I felt like my world had just ended. It took a while.. but I finally picked up the pieces. And you will too. One day you'll even look back and say 'tuh.. what was I thinking?'. He just opened the door for a nice single guy to come into your life at some point. Somebody who can treat you like you deserve to be treated. Good luck, and I promise.. it will get better
OldEurope Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 The way he reacted to you after the accident says it all...the true colors are out (they already were, perhaps one is color-blind in relationships)...Such treatment will be fuel for your fire to remain as out of contact and out of this mess for good. Any little sweet hook or dangling carrot would have netted you back in. I truly believe that kind of "last straw" event can be a catharsis, and your system is cleaned out once and for all. Perhaps in an awkward, upsetting manner, but it gets it all out sooner, quicker and, one hopes, forever. (PS AK--be wary of any follow up "I am sorry" call. Manners maketh the man and he is a worm)
erika2610 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 The way he reacted to you after the accident says it all...the true colors are out (they already were, perhaps one is color-blind in relationships)...Such treatment will be fuel for your fire to remain as out of contact and out of this mess for good. Any little sweet hook or dangling carrot would have netted you back in. I truly believe that kind of "last straw" event can be a catharsis, and your system is cleaned out once and for all. Perhaps in an awkward, upsetting manner, but it gets it all out sooner, quicker and, one hopes, forever. (PS AK--be wary of any follow up "I am sorry" call. Manners maketh the man and he is a worm) I so agree. My awakening was when I lost my job. I went in to the restaurant I was fired from.. to visit people. I was totally broke, and about to lose the apartment I moved into just so I could see him more. He was talking to somebody else and was overheard saying 'I bet she just wants to see me now cuz she needs money'.. and THREW $7 on the ground in front of me. That was my wake up call. I then messaged hjim saying 'Is that all I'm worth to you?' Of course he called & called & called all night. It's horrible when you do so much for these guys, give up so much, and then they spit in your face. After that, anytime I thought of calling him, all I had to do was think about that last visit..
OldEurope Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Erika, You are so well too to be out of that situation. We can put up with a LOT and forgive a lot. But never at the expense of one's dignity...
erika2610 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Erika, You are so well too to be out of that situation. We can put up with a LOT and forgive a lot. But never at the expense of one's dignity... Exactly. Like I said, with a MM, ya put up with alot.. give up alot.. do alot. When they basically kick you when you're down, that's it.
sylviaguardian Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I so agree. My awakening was when I lost my job. I went in to the restaurant I was fired from.. to visit people. I was totally broke, and about to lose the apartment I moved into just so I could see him more. He was talking to somebody else and was overheard saying 'I bet she just wants to see me now cuz she needs money'.. and THREW $7 on the ground in front of me. That was my wake up call. I then messaged hjim saying 'Is that all I'm worth to you?' Of course he called & called & called all night. It's horrible when you do so much for these guys, give up so much, and then they spit in your face. After that, anytime I thought of calling him, all I had to do was think about that last visit.. That is unbelievable:mad:
erika2610 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 That is unbelievable:mad: I know. And I did everything for him.. I fought with my family everyday over the whole thing. It was just horrible.. but it was my wake up call. And I'm glad I got it. And I'm a better person today for it.. Didn't mean to hijack your thread here.. sorry
whatafool Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I got my wake up call when my mother was seriously ill and had to be taken to hospital. He said he 'would be there for me' through this horrible time and then I find that a cannot get hold of him at all, next thing I know he has taken off with his wife on holiday. Guess what when he came back he tries to act like we are still friends - guess what I did - looked straight thru him like he was a stranger. This was the final insult to me and has made getting over him so much easier. Mother is thankfully recovering well now in the sun, but he is still none the wiser as to what happened and if mother is now dead or alive. I cringe now every time I hear someone say 'I will be there for you'
newbby Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 the last straw has finally broken. i'm done. i told him i can't do this anymore... and i just wanted to thank all of your for your help and support. thanks. i'm really sad about the whole thing--- but i was in a car accident (minor, thankfully) and when i called to tell him, hoping he would come visit me at the hospital, before i even got my story out he told me it was his anniversary and that i should know better than to even call him that day... and hung up. i know now that he'll never leave her despite the empty promises and i know it's for the better. i'm so angry about it, NC will be easy. hah thanks again, LS'ers as i think others have said. you are now seeing him for who he really is. i saw this in my exmm at the end too. this is the real him, and you are well rid of him. now i cant see what i ever saw in mm and thats the truth.
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Ouch! That has to really hurt. Sadly, it's the reality of the sitution you're in. Second best shouldn't cut it for you. What you need to do now (for your sake) is actually tell him it's over. Don't listen to him, or give him a chance to explain - Just end it and walk away. If you need a therapist to help you cope with the pain, do just that.
Author aklost101 Posted November 24, 2005 Author Posted November 24, 2005 well of course he's been calling me like a maniac, i've been ignoring his calls. so far so good. i shouldn't even listen to his vm's and texts... but i do. i guess i'm out for pain, lol. they make me want to puke. i think he's used to being able to talk his way out of anything since that's usually what happens whenever we get into a fight. thanks for all the support ladies
kkat Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 I congratulate you on your strength and offer a mental exercise. If you would - take a deep breath, relax, and another deep breath. Now: Recreate in your mind your relationship with this man, except imagine he is not married. Then, imagine that you are in the hospital, injured, and you call him. And he is verbally abusive, tells you he is occupied with (fill in the blank - work, watching football on tv, whatever he could be occupied with) - but basically treats you in exactly this same manner. And hangs up on you. Think through him saying the things he said, etc. What would you do? You'd dump him right? Because you would never give your love and life to someone who would speak to you in this way, treat you this way, and make your accident and injury so unimportant- in any case. This mental exercise, which I've not explained very well, might be helpful, because it renders irrelevant the fact that he is married. I think sometimes we focus on the fact that he is married, and the whether-or-not-he'll-leave-her details, and miss the truly bigger picture - that the man is not treating you with love and respect in general, outside of the fact that he is unavailable. Does that make sense? Hope it is only helpful. Stay strong; he will continue to call you and eventually you'll likely speak to him. Just stay focused that his apologies, even if sincere, don't change his stripes or his maritial status. Good luck!
Bobbie Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 I was in one of these relationships exactly a year ago. Maybe a man can separate bits of himself to carry on this way- as a woman I have learned I cannot, nor do I know any women who can, long-term, without pain. For a long time I kept up with news from him- but having seen your title 'I'm done' I know now- I don't want anything more of this mysogynist in my life. I want to post 'I'm done' too!!! Forget what YOU provide for him- he gives you nothing when you most need it. Put him on blocked sender and don't take his calls...and expect that for some guys that just makes them more interested- until you want a real relationship. Hope you get over him soon. You will if you focus on what a sleeze he is- and how much this has taught you about not trusting people who already cheat people they're supposed to care about.
newbby Posted November 24, 2005 Posted November 24, 2005 I congratulate you on your strength and offer a mental exercise. If you would - take a deep breath, relax, and another deep breath. Now: Recreate in your mind your relationship with this man, except imagine he is not married. Then, imagine that you are in the hospital, injured, and you call him. And he is verbally abusive, tells you he is occupied with (fill in the blank - work, watching football on tv, whatever he could be occupied with) - but basically treats you in exactly this same manner. And hangs up on you. Think through him saying the things he said, etc. What would you do? You'd dump him right? Because you would never give your love and life to someone who would speak to you in this way, treat you this way, and make your accident and injury so unimportant- in any case. This mental exercise, which I've not explained very well, might be helpful, because it renders irrelevant the fact that he is married. I think sometimes we focus on the fact that he is married, and the whether-or-not-he'll-leave-her details, and miss the truly bigger picture - that the man is not treating you with love and respect in general, outside of the fact that he is unavailable. Does that make sense? Hope it is only helpful. Stay strong; he will continue to call you and eventually you'll likely speak to him. Just stay focused that his apologies, even if sincere, don't change his stripes or his maritial status. Good luck! great post kkat. there will always be an excuse for everything if you keep looking at the fact that he is married. you can blame his coldness on confusion, his not being there on being unable to sneak away and so on... the fact is, he does not care enough about you. aklost, i know what youre talking about. xmm was always talking himself out of things too. just remember you have seen the truth now. the biggest mistake you could make at this point is to think that he has changed. he will not, however well he can act the part.
Author aklost101 Posted November 26, 2005 Author Posted November 26, 2005 he's like clockwork... i can't believe i've never seen this side of him. i mean he never said their (him + w) rel was bad... or that he would leave and i didn't assume he would and i didn't want him to-- but he always claimed to love me. even now. the very next day after the phone call i received this email: "baby, i hope you're not mad. i love you so much and i know i sounded harsh to you, but i didn't mean it. i want to be with you, but the time has to be right and i can't let *insert w name here* know about us or i'll never be able to get away to see you. i love you. i'm so sorry i upset you." i know i shouldn't have but i responded back in email saying this: "you didn't even let me tell you why i was calling. i know you're married and stuff and that it's your anniv and b/c of that i wouldn't have called unless it was important. do you realize that? i was in a *car accident* last night and freaked out. i was scared and wanted you to reassure me. and you didn't even let me tell you why i called. you're incredibly selfish and i don't think i love you anymore." his reply: "baby, i'm so sorry i didn't know. i love you so much, please don't let our relationship end now. you know you're my best friend. the important thing is you're ok and i love you. our bond can hold through anything. we've been through so much together. please don't make me out to be a bad guy. i looooooove you." and i didn't respond to any more. just thought i'd keep you all posted.
Sami_D Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 You need to work out what you need, what you want, at what you will accept. Who cares what he wants? That's HIS problem.
nextel Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 that it took something like a car accident for you to realize that married men are very selfish men. They make empty promises, will tell you what you need to hear for them to continue getting into your pants: but will never be there for you the way that you need them. If anyone on here is still doubting.....just think about what he does for his wife. Whatever problem she has, he takes care of it. What she needs, he will do it. But you, you will always be second place.
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