wanting to heal Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Some of you may remember me. I have been gone for 3 months. We were in MC, but I just could not take it anymore. I lost respect for my wife. It was not the ONS, it was an overall lack of trust. She did what she wanted all the time, and I was the enabler. I trust that I will find love in the future. I filed for DIV on 11/11, and my decision is final. She agreed to no contact with OM. She met him at her gym and asked me to let her continue to go to that gym with no contact with him. I agreed, but when I asked her lately to go 3 days a week instead of 6 she refused. She would not get a job when I asked, nor did she even make real attempts. Maybe the ONS changed my respect for her, but I do not think so. I really feel that I forgave it, but I cannot live with a lazy woman that just will not totally give me her heart. I would rather be alone.
sylviaguardian Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 Some of you may remember me. I have been gone for 3 months. We were in MC, but I just could not take it anymore. I lost respect for my wife. It was not the ONS, it was an overall lack of trust. She did what she wanted all the time, and I was the enabler. I trust that I will find love in the future. I filed for DIV on 11/11, and my decision is final. She agreed to no contact with OM. She met him at her gym and asked me to let her continue to go to that gym with no contact with him. I agreed, but when I asked her lately to go 3 days a week instead of 6 she refused. She would not get a job when I asked, nor did she even make real attempts. Maybe the ONS changed my respect for her, but I do not think so. I really feel that I forgave it, but I cannot live with a lazy woman that just will not totally give me her heart. I would rather be alone. WTH, I am sorry to hear that - sounds like your decison is final. You have been more than accomodating allowing her to go to the gym at all. I would find it pretty suspicious that she wants to go the same gym 6 days a week, after everything that has happened. I know what you mean about being alone - it is better than staying with someone who doesn't love you. But..... Haven't you been married for a VERY long time? Has your wife always been that selfish or has she changed? In some ways I envy you. I wish I had the guts just to file for D. I am glad that you still believe in love and I am sure that you will have learned lots of lessons from this relationship that you will put to good use in a new relationship. At the moment I don't believe in love at all and would not be contemplating getting involved with anyone over the next few years at least. I hope you and your wife can find a way to sort things out amicably (you have a child, right?). Make your child the number one priority in this. Be pleasant to your wife for HER sake. Best of luck, Syl
Searching Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 WTH- I'm new to this forum but, like you, have found it helpful. I just want to say congratulations on making your decision. I'm sure it must have been, and still is, very hard. The fact that she still thought it was appropriate for her to go to the gym where the OM was is very telling. Sounds like she was showing very little respect for you- and you had no choice but to lose respect for her. I have spoken to a few divorced friends and they are all emphatic about how many nice, single women are out there and with the inernet etc. it's so easy to meet them. I know you are thinking about being alone, but I bet after some time passes you'll be ready to get out there. The idea that there's only one person out there for us is complete BS (in my opinion). Anyhow, good luck. You've made a big move- maybe the same one I'll make soon.
Author wanting to heal Posted November 27, 2005 Author Posted November 27, 2005 Thank you for your responses. I just want the DIV over with, but I can see that the W will drag it out. I filed it as no-fault so that I do not have to drag the W through the mud. She came back with a Temp Restraining Order. My attorney wants to nail her, and I may let him. The W will not talk to me at all and has told my 17 yr old daughter lies. Big lies. That sux, I do not want to play in the mud. The problem is that my W is so dillusional that I don't even think that she knows the truth any more. Thanks again for the responses.
Kenyth Posted November 29, 2005 Posted November 29, 2005 Word of advice? Nail her while you can. She will not hold back on you, so you have no choice. If you let her walk all over you now, you'll regret it later. You'd be surprised how holding back now can come back and bite you later. Once you are divorced, you will not be able to bring any information into subsequent filings that happened BEFORE the divorce/custody ruling date. If you don't get it documented now, you give her a get out of jail free card. You won't be able to bring it up later.
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