JohnJohn Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I've dated women with kids before and have met the kids anywhere from the first date to three to four months later. It seems to me like the earlier on I meet the kids, the better off I am. If I have to wait months later, I basically get accustomed to dating someone as if they do not have kids. I'm curious as to if anyone else feels the same. It's totally the woman's call since it is her child. Or is it? What about the man? Aren't there two people in the relationship? I know it's the woman's child, but if the decision is left entirely up to her, with no regard to the man, is that not a tad selfish? What's your experiences been? Is it better early on or later on? And why? Of course I know it depends on a number factors and both involved parties should discuss it at some point, but generally speaking here what is a good rule of thumb?
Art_Critic Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 It's not the 2 parties dating that matters in this case it's the kids.. A good parent will shield the child away from dates until they know it's going to stick.. Introducing the child to many BF's/GF's causes the child to be confused and they can develop issues with binding to the opposite sex of their parent.. So the longer the better for the mental health of the child.. Not everybody does this but it is the general rule
NYCmitch25 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 When is the right time to meet someone's kids? When you find out they are yours! Kidding aside, I wouldn't meet them unless I wanted to be a part of their lives and really was thinking of being long term with the gal.
Author JohnJohn Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 It's not the 2 parties dating that matters in this case it's the kids.. A good parent will shield the child away from dates until they know it's going to stick.. Introducing the child to many BF's/GF's causes the child to be confused and they can develop issues with binding to the opposite sex of their parent.. So the longer the better for the mental health of the child.. Not everybody does this but it is the general rule I understand this from the child's perspective. You make valid points. I'll go in another direction.....I'm trying to see what opinions are from the person that is dating the parent. In other words, when you date a single parent, when would you feel comfortable in meeting the child? If the parent "shielded" the child for months and months, would you wonder when it is that you would meet the child, if ever? Do you bring it up in discussion or just sit there and patiently wait for the parent to bring it up? And that brings me to my next point......What is the proper way to conduct the first meeting? I've dated someone that didn't tell me when I'd meet the child. She just kind of sprung the meeting on me one fine day without any communication to me whatsoever. I found that to be a little disrespectful personally as I thought since I was an active participant in the relationship that I would at least be informed of when that occurrence would happen. I'd be interested in hearing from a woman's perspective on just how they go about handling that first meeting. For starters, surely good communication is involved. NYCmitch25: Of course I realize that you should already have decided that you can handle that responsibility. For sake of this conversation, let's say that's a given.
mini696 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 As soon as possible. To be involved with someone, you have to be involved with their kids.
933KJL Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I am with AC on this. You don't want to expose the kids to the BF of the week. I would say that if you are exclusive for two to three months, it migh tbe appropriate to introduce you. Depending on their age, maybe as a "friend". They will get the rest of it later. But do not push it. Kids are ALWAYS going to be #1 in any single parent's life (male or female) and pushing it might indeed push you out the door. Mitch is right--if you are not considering her for long term--don't worry about it! As for how to act, well that is up to you. It depends on the situation, but I would not do anything more than hold mom's hand. At this point, you are an older friend to the kids so if you have anything that might interest a kid--magic trick, joke, etc. go for it. AN interesting note, my ex wife got married again, and she and I were at the doctors for a pediatric visit and the doc asked if there were any questions or concerns and she said she was upset that the kids did not respect her new hubby (at that time 2 months) as a step-father. The doc said that they should not and will not. SHe said that for 18 months to 2 years, the new hubby should be treated as a babysitter as it relates to the kids and behavior--kids you be good and listen to Richard Wadd while I am gone--they type of thing. ANy and all punishments are to come from mom, not this stranger who just moved into her house. I thought it was interesting she was absolutely pissed!
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