Guys When They're Drunk!

[NightsInWhiteSatin]

Guys and Drunken Talk:

 

When my b/f's drunk i can guarrentee that he will not remember anything the next day and if he does its only vague bits 'n' bats.

 

I've notice when he's drunk he either -

* Talks about his past and memories for ages.

* Gets really argumentative, negative and nasty and wont listen to what i say.

* Has really long winded discussions on something or other.

* Tells me really sweet sloppy stuff.

 

The thing is when he's been really argumentative, negative and nasty and said some really hurtful things

 

e.g - We had a pregnancy scare a while back and i phoned him but didnt know he was drunk and he'd just started working at 2 schools that week and was stressed with all the pressure etc I was scared and just need someone to talk to and he started telling me that he couldnt be there for me anymore after he'd promised time and time again he'd always be there for me no matter what. The way he was going on i seriously thought he was breaking up with me! The convo carried on, it got worse and i put the phone down on him & turned it off and decided i never wanted to speak to him again it had gone that horrid. (I still didn't know he was drunk at the time) Spent the night cryin thinkin i was pregnant and my b/f wasnt gonna be there for me or the baby. Woke up the next day told my mum everything and she persuaded me to ring him so i did and he answered the phone like nothing had happened ' hey baby, you ok darlin? ' i told him to come round later that night and he did and he turned up with a DVD and a bottle of wine for our anniversary and a huge smile when i opened the door like he'd missed me and was his usual chatty self like nothing had happened so i confronted him and he said he couldnt remember a thing and that he'd gone out with his dad and gotten drunk. I didn't let him off though - i told him everything he'd said and how much he'd upset me while we were sat cuddling and he kept picking up my hand and hitting himself really hard over and over because i never yell or get angry i just cry. Then he told me to ignore him when he's drunk because he's not himself sometimes.

 

I've seen this before when he had a huge go at his best mate which was really out of order and he couldnt remember a thing the next day and kept askin me what he was having a go at her for because he couldnt remember what had gone on.

 

Also when he's drunk he has said some of the most sweetest things anyones ever said to me but doesnt remember he's said them the next day.

 

He has also suggested that we go vist his friends grave one day, but when i asked him about it when he's been sober he couldnt remember and said that it probably was just him being emotional when drunk.

 

Do guys really mean the things they say when they're drunk?????????????????

[Art_Critic]

Not to minimize your post.. But if your BF is drinking to the point of blackouts then your BF has a drinking problem.

 

Drinking to the blackout stage more than once or twice is one of the signs of an Alcoholic.

[Enema]

So you're going to ignore your bf when he tells you it doesn't mean anything when he's drunk and take OUR advice?

 

Please... every person is different. If he says it doesn't mean anything and that you should ignore him, do that!

[Enema]

Not to minimize your post.. But if your BF is drinking to the point of blackouts then your BF has a drinking problem.

 

Drinking to the blackout stage more than once or twice is one of the signs of an Alcoholic.

 

This also is not true... she just said that when he drinks, he can't remember anything the next day.

 

This is the same with me, even if it's just one drink. Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. Confronting him about a non-existent drinking problem is just going to add more kindling to this fire.

[Art_Critic]

This also is not true... she just said that when he drinks, he can't remember anything the next day.

 

This is the same with me, even if it's just one drink. Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. Confronting him about a non-existent drinking problem is just going to add more kindling to this fire.

 

First of all it is true..

 

I'm a sober alcoholic of over 18.5 years and thruout my experience of AA

and therapists I have learned that one of the signs of a drinking problem is blackouts..

 

do some reaearch on it.. you will find I'm speaking the truth..

 

If you don't remember what you do while drunk you need to stop drinking..

[basscatcher]

Do guys really mean the things they say when they're drunk?????????????????

 

As one drinks the level of ones concious depletes. People say things without thinking about whether or not what they say will hurt someones feelings.

It's a proven fact.

 

I have lots of experience with dealing with alcoholics and they tend to speak bluntly their thoughts without much thought.

They don't always speak a logical belief of theirs. They tend to ramble without much analyzation of what they are saying. Like thinking aloud without drawing any personal conclusions on things.

I have found if someone is not drunk drunk and on a nice fun buzz they will say things they mean and believe in.

 

This has been my own experience as well. When I have had a few drinks I am more open about my feelings and opinions but what I say I believe. I don't allow myself to get totally intoxicated. I prefer to be in controll and not be totally embarrassed of myself.

 

If he is totally intoxicated where he blacks out and doesnt remember then I would say he rambles and talks about things that cross his mind and he doesn't put much thought into them as to whether they are truth or not in his beliefs.

 

My Xbf was a hard-core alcoholic and when he was in a blackout he was rude, mean, said shyt he wouldn't normally say. he expressed beliefs he didn't believe in when sober. So he was one man who you could'n't believe a word that came out of his mouth when drunk.

[a4a]

 

If you don't remember what you do while drunk you need to stop drinking..

 

Amen to that ART!

 

Please be careful....... next thing you know you could be getting the crap beat out of you and he won't remember a damn thing either.

 

Been there with a alcholic b/f many many years ago.

 

a4a

[Enema]

First of all it is true..

 

I'm a sober alcoholic of over 18.5 years and thruout my experience of AA

and therapists I have learned that one of the signs of a drinking problem is blackouts..

 

do some reaearch on it.. you will find I'm speaking the truth..

 

If you don't remember what you do while drunk you need to stop drinking..

 

Once again, you are flat out wrong.

 

I drink one beer and i don't remember anything the next day.

 

One beer a week is not alcoholism. Just because it happens in SOME cases, doesn't mean all.

 

You can't argue with this fact. I drink one beer, i forget the night. One beer is not alcoholism.

[Art_Critic]

Then you are VERY special.. the general population can drink more than 1 beer

 

Since you are so special maybe you shouldn't advise people about things you don't know about except for things that pertain to yourself..

 

your giving advice that could be dangerous to an individual if they take it

 

Pay attention to number 3

 

http://www.d12.com/Resources/Alcoholism%20Self-Test.htm

 

Here is another it is farther down the list

 

http://wy.essortment.com/alcoholismsympt_rcpn.htm

 

This is 2 of thousands of resources that state that blackouts are a sign for alcoholism

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once again, you are flat out wrong.

 

I drink one beer and i don't remember anything the next day.

 

One beer a week is not alcoholism. Just because it happens in SOME cases, doesn't mean all.

 

You can't argue with this fact. I drink one beer, i forget the night. One beer is not alcoholism.

[whichwayisup]

This also is not true... she just said that when he drinks, he can't remember anything the next day.

 

This is the same with me, even if it's just one drink. Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. Confronting him about a non-existent drinking problem is just going to add more kindling to this fire.

 

Once again, you are flat out wrong.

 

I drink one beer and i don't remember anything the next day.

 

One beer a week is not alcoholism. Just because it happens in SOME cases, doesn't mean all.

 

You can't argue with this fact. I drink one beer, i forget the night. One beer is not alcoholism.

 

If you have that problem then you shouldn't really drink at all. That's not a good thing. Doesn't mean you're an alcoholic but it means you cannot handle alcohol.

 

One beer can do ALOT of damage, which means you're out of control.

[Enema]

I'll say it again since your comprehension seems to be lacking.

 

"Just because it happens in SOME cases, doesn't mean all"

 

Not remembering the night before does NOT always mean alcoholism. You are trying to cause trouble in their relationship for what purpose? He MIGHT be fine.

[Enema]

I have seen a doctor about my memory issues, had an MRI etc and they cannot find anything wrong.

 

Also, my liver is perfect thank you.

 

However, the mere fact that I am like this is proof enough that other people could be too. Since she hasn't mentioned how much he actually drinks, it's reckless to tell her that her boyfriend must definitely be an alcoholic.

[Art_Critic]

My comprehension of Alcoholism is not lacking.. Not only do I have 18 years of experience of sobority but I also drank for years as well as years of therapy and I still go to AA.

 

and I provided Links as reference..

 

Where are your links for reference showing that it isn't ?

 

Your comprehension of Alcoholism seems to be non existant.

 

and as far as my opinion I STATED PREVIOUSLY that is was ONE of the signs not THE sign of alcoholism..

 

I will not debate this any further as this was not the original OP topic..

and I don't want to ruin their thread..

 

Good Day

[Enema]

Since when did being an alcoholic give you an in-depth knowledge of it?

 

If anything, your years of alcoholism and subsequent brain damage would explain your inability to admit that this man is not 100% positively an alcoholic just because he can't remember things.

 

This isn't a "debate", this is you stating your opinion as fact and me telling you of at least one example that refutes it.

 

If the OP is still around, do NOT under any circumstances confront your BF about being an alcoholic unless you're sure. Memory loss != alcoholism in all cases.

[Art_Critic]

Since when did being an alcoholic give you an in-depth knowledge of it?

 

If anything, your years of alcoholism and subsequent brain damage would explain your inability to admit that this man is not 100% positively an alcoholic just because he can't remember things.

 

This isn't a "debate", this is you stating your opinion as fact and me telling you of at least one example that refutes it.

 

If the OP is still around, do NOT under any circumstances confront your BF about being an alcoholic unless you're sure. Memory loss != alcoholism in all cases.

 

Please...... what is your problem ??? Are you drunk ??

 

you haven't read a single one of my posts ..Have you.. No where in my posts do I say that he is an Alcoholic..

 

Your just posting to cause a problem

 

READ ALL of the post before responding in such a manner

[Enema]

Not to minimize your post.. But if your BF is drinking to the point of blackouts then your BF has a drinking problem.

 

Drinking to the blackout stage more than once or twice is one of the signs of an Alcoholic.

 

 

You must be a recovering drug addict as well... your post right here pretty plainly states you think he's an alcoholic.

[Art_Critic]

You must be a recovering drug addict as well... your post right here pretty plainly states you think he's an alcoholic.

 

You don't read do you ?? Read the post

 

You do understand the definition of the word "ONE" don't you ??

 

And now your saying I'm a drug addict WTF ???????????

 

your quoting me is helping me prove the fact that I posted properly

 

 

Originally Posted by Art_Critic

Drinking to the blackout stage more than once or twice is one of the signs of an Alcoholic.

[Enema]

If you think that the OP reading your post will not immediately associate your words with her BF being an alcoholic you're stupider than even I think.

 

btw, "your" = possessive. "you're" = contraction of You Are.

 

If you insist on trying to assert your opinion on a subject as fact you should at least try to look semi-intelligent rather than semi-illiterate.

[whichwayisup]

Enema, you are freaking out here and there really is no reason. A_C has made some excellent points and honestly, the fact he has been through so much, I think (as well as many other posters here on LS) it gives him tons of credibility (sp?) to speak about alcoholism! Personally attacking him isn't helping the original poster's need of help here.

[niko1999]

Ok guys. We are straying way too far off of subject. To the original Poster, how often does this happen? I mean, him going out, drinking, and blacking out? Is it only an occasional thing(as I have had it happen once or twice) If this is so, its more easily handled than if he is doing it on a regular, several times a week, basis. WHich would be another sign of a problem, be it either alcoholism, or other factors. But if I were you, I would let it be known that you do not approve of this when he behaves that way, as he is not himself. If he gets billigerent with you, and youre on the phone, get off the phone with him. If you are out withhim when he gets like this, leave him alone. But it sounds as if you need to sit down and DISCUSS, and talk TO him about how it makes you feel.

 

Enema, you stated your opionion, Art Critic stated his opinion. And not to take sides, but the fact that Art Crtitic is HIMSELF an alcholic, it generally gives someone a little bit more insight into the world of someone with a problem. No, it doesnt make him a professional, but it does give him a little bit of an idea of what he is talking about.

[Enema]

All I'm trying to do (again) is make sure the OP does not take A_C's words and think that her BF is an alcoholic.

 

I am far from freaking out, I simply do not want the OP to be fed misinformation and make assumptions about her BF.

 

I don't think I can dumb it down much further, so I'll just leave it at that.

[TUDOR]

If you think that the OP reading your post will not immediately associate your words with her BF being an alcoholic you're stupider than even I think.

 

btw, "your" = possessive. "you're" = contraction of You Are.

 

If you insist on trying to assert your opinion on a subject as fact you should at least try to look semi-intelligent rather than semi-illiterate.

 

You are coming off as semi-bitch with posts like that. I'm all for some fun debating but your above post is just mean and doing nothing to help help the OP. AC is simple sharing part of his past and his dealings with alcohol to help the OP. No one here claims to be a professional as far as counciling goes and I doubt any national spelling B champions are amongst us as well so don't be so critical of others. Back on track people.

[whichwayisup]

All I'm trying to do (again) is make sure the OP does not take A_C's words and think that her BF is an alcoholic.

 

I am far from freaking out, I simply do not want the OP to be fed misinformation and make assumptions about her BF.

 

I don't think I can dumb it down much further, so I'll just leave it at that.

 

First of all, I re-read Nights post again. Her boyfriend MAY or MAY NOT be an alcoholic, but the early warnings are there... His body doesn't process the booze - Hense the mood swings and memory loss. His words are empty. Meaning, he says all these wonderful and sweet things to her while he is WASTED but can't remember any of it the next day. I'm sure that hurts. I know if my husband poured out emotions to me and then couldn't remember, it would break my heart. The words are meaningless.

 

I don't understand Enema WHY you are taking this all so personally. You are so defensive and in attack mode, that makes me wonder if possibly you're in denial about yourself??? I'm not attacking you, I'm just telling you how it looks from where I sit.

 

When people go through things in life, they learn along the way. Insight is one important tool. I think A_C's insight into the possible problem of Nights boyfriend is good. He can see the warning signs and HELP her out now, to give suggestions and help prevent the problem from getting worse...That's all.

It's like me - I suffer from an anxiety disorder. Ofcourse I can't dignose anybody who has the disorder, but by reading other people's posts and what they describe, symptoms, moods, bad feelings, nerves etc...I can sympathize and empathize because I've been through it all. 3 years is a long time and I tell ya, ya learn alot about yourself and also learn to help others along the way. That is another thing A_C is doing.

 

That's all. No harm, no foul so please don't feel attacked by me...It just irks me that you're dumping on A_C tonight when all he is trying to do is help.

[westernxer]

Do guys really mean the things they say when they're drunk?????????????????

 

Only if they can remember while sober.

 

He may not be an alcoholic, but he probably drinks a helluva lot.

[mental_traveller]

All I'm trying to do (again) is make sure the OP does not take A_C's words and think that her BF is an alcoholic.

 

I am far from freaking out, I simply do not want the OP to be fed misinformation and make assumptions about her BF.

 

I don't think I can dumb it down much further, so I'll just leave it at that.

 

I'm pretty much neutral here but you come across to me as rather rude & short-tempered. There's room for disagreement but you didn't exactly act like someone having a simple difference of opinion with Art Critic. IMO he didn't say that he thought the BF was an alcoholic, he just said that the bf was displaying one symptom that alcoholics also display. I.e. might be an alcoholic, might be perfectly fine with booze, or somewhere in between - but at least there was one sign of a potential problem.

 

I think you needlessly jumped to conclusions, then acted rude & provoked an argument for no good reason. To make things worse, instead of reconciling afterwards, you pushed the issue and came off like someone wanting an argument, someone who'd rather be right no matter what, instead of trying to find common ground or clear up misunderstaning like most people would do. If your goal is to piss people off and get them to stop listening to you, then continue acting like this. But if you want to be taken seriously then it may be wise to act a bit more diplomatically.