is this a midlife crisis or a line of sh*t?

[delilah32]

okay, i'm 32, he's 51. we dated for 8 months, but knew each other longer, had a great time together, attending shows (we are both part of the live music scene), traveling, making meals, spending LOTS of time together. a couple of weeks ago we got into an argument over what i perceived as him "doing me wrong" when he admitted that he'd had a platonic and innocent dinner with his 52 year old long distance ex while they were both at a music conference together a month after we started dating. i wouldn't say i flew off the table, but i did play wounded martyr a bit. i got over that, however, and we decided we were going to more properly assess how we each defined "commitment" since apparently we hadn't before. that conversation got delayed again and again, we had a few more amazing times together, sex included. then, just last week, he drops the bomb on me. he's not sure he's cut out to be what i want, or what ANYONE wants. he feels apathetic toward everyone, including his kids, and disconnected from himself. he thinks we should pull back from each other. i'm skipping a lot of details here, including one conversation during which he was on all fours crying like an infant telling me he loves me and he's sorry, but he needs to figure out what's happening to him. i left him that day (last weekend), determined to give him the space he needs. last night, however, after talking to a well-meaning friend who thought we were perfect for each other and that i should put up more of a fight for this man, i broke down and called him. i was extremely rational and composed throughout most of the conversation, but broke down at the end. i wanted to know if there was any hope of us getting back together after we both "work on our issues" and he basically refused to commit one way or another. he said he loves me deeply, that this is very painful for him, there's not a 3rd party, that he thinks he could be making the biggest mistake of his life, but that he has to work on his issues that that i need to work on mine too (i have severe panic disorder, ocd, am not high maintenance in the tradtitional sense of the the term, but am "intenses", and am grieving the loss of my brother and ex boyfriend, both who died young within the last year and a half). he said he was not ruling out us getting back together but that we shouldn't make that our primary goal as we set about on a path of change. okay, i've typed a book, but this is it in a nutshell. i'm absolutely exhausted from sobbing all night and tossing and turning. i'm usually a little more coherent and articulate when not operating on 1 hour of sleep. i'm willing to listen, what's the best damn thing i can do??