whistletone Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Hi. My ex and I had a special but extremely tumultuous relationship. He was a jazz piano player and I would wake up in the morning sometimes to his music. We performed together and with him excitement always followed. After he broke up with me I had a hard time listening to music, especially things we had practiced together. He has been seeing a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with some mental illnesses, one of which was Narcissism. One thing about male narcissists is that they are non-discriminating about women. I had to constantly worry about ugly women as well as pretty women. He never cheated on me and for awhile he loved me, he only looked. But when I would leave, then he would be sorry. Then, after a year and a half he tried to cheat on me and treated me as dispensable. So he dumped me when he thought this other girl liked him. And he was probably pretty sure that I would wait in the wings. She was as you guessed, kinda ugly, very, very skinny and looked like a boy. Actually, he wasn't going to dump me, he was going to keep me hanging on, but I forced an answer out of him as to why he wanted me to take all my stuff from his house home with me--small things like shoes. It's because he wanted this other girl. He told her that she was the next big singer and he was going to make her a star and they would spend all this time coming up with stage names...he said he wanted to date her, that I wasn't of his calibur musically. A week and A half later he called. The girl didn't work out. She couldn't sing. He said he had a gig that night. This other girl was supposed to do it, but he wouldn't work with her because she sucked once she was onstage. So now I'm of his calibur. This was his mesasge: he had a strange dream, he's just checking up on me and also, would I like to sing a gig with him tonight. I don't call. Another week and a half go by and silence...I figured that since he was a narcissist he was using me for what he could get, even if that was music since he called me the day of in a bind. Another week and a half went by. At 1:00am I get a strange message from him on voicemail--would I like to get together and practice sometime. He called at 1am to ask this over voicemail. Then this Sunday 5 days later, he calls again and says: Just Calling to see how you are, for the record I never was dating that girl, but I guess it doesn't matter. I guess I miss sleeping with you. Take care, (Long pause) and Happy Thanksgiving. So now the ball is in my court. I never thought I'd hear from him again and now that I did I'm thinking about him more and more. I love him even though he's an a**h***, but can't call him because i'm afraid of pain. He always ends up causing me emotional pain within very little time. Plus, he never said he was sorry at all. I don't know why he's calling me. We've broken up before and he didn't pursue me, and after 22 days I had called him last time... I'm in danger if he ever calls and says he loves me, which I'm sure he won't. It's funny a week before he broke up with me he told me I was going to wake up with a ring on my finger. He is so confused and he made me feel worthless and tossed aside. Then continued to try to have our relationship (musical and romantic) with another woman. Whereas before he told me I sounded like Jeannete McDonald, he was telling her she sounded like Judy Garland...he was dead wrong about that. I guess he's lonely, I dunno. I just need a reality check on why not to call him. He sounds so sad on the phone. I'd like to believe th best about people. I want to practice with him but struggle with anger and fear. Sometimes it doesn't matter that I might never see him again. At other times, I miss his presence acutely.
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