Baldy Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I'm really confused at the moment and don't know why! I was in an abusive relationship for 18 months (yes it does happen to men too). She was violent, aggressive, belittling, mocking, disrespectful, constant criticism, humiliating remarks, the list goes on... I managed to get out even though we had a house together and even though it was hard I have managed to start a new relationship and have started to move on. However recently I have started to suffer from massive guilt about me walking out and leaving her. I keep going over and over all the times she was nice and when things were good (short lived as they were). I keep seeing her face when she realised I was leaving for good, her tears, the things she said to try and get me to stay. I am also starting to remember the bad things differently and friends and family are having to remind me what it was really like Why am I doing this? I feel like she is still controlling me but this time I can't blame her. Is this normal? Is this all part of moving on? Are the bad memories starting to fade leaving the good ones which are being exaggerated? We split 5 months ago I lost my Dad and sister in a car accident one November several years ago so don't know if this time of year is just making my emotions worse. That and the fact Christmas is coming which is also hard for me.
solsta Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 well if you were in an abusive relationship you likely have little or no self esteem, therefore no matter how bad it was for you it probably seemed like things could be worse, that's why you stuck around. When you are scarred emotionally you can't even function properly in a relationship, you need to rebuild the relationship with yourself. No one deserves abuse, no matter how little or how severe. Seems we always remember the good times with our exes, but if you get back into it with her it will only get worse. You deserve better. Work on loving yourself, talk with someone, therapy can do wonders. lean on your friends at this time - and family. don't go back to someone that treats you with disrespect
dahlia Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I feel exactly like you do. I, too, was in an abusive relationship and I am a female. We were together a long time. I did everything for this guy. He treated me good sometimes, but, that was also a long time ago. The last yr was awful. He was indifferent to me. He was physical with me on a few occasions, and always was mentally and verbally abusive. I was relieved when he left. However, I do miss him. I cannot explain that. I have plenty of men chasing me, I have a good job, but, I still mope around thinking about him. He has not contacted me in a month, and oh, yes, he left me.... If you ever want to talk, I would love to
Outcast Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 What you miss is being part of a couple. Immediately you've finished reading this, write down ALL the awful things she did and said to you. Every single one. Then, every time the bad memories start to fade, reread your list. DO NOT GO BACK!!!!!
Author Baldy Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 Hi dahlia, If you do ever what a chat or just some support at a tricky moment please email me at [email protected]. Obviously because of the time difference (if you're outside the UK) it may take time to respond Also what Outcast said is right. I don't know if you have tried it but it does work. I also find that when talking to people about her and what she did I go from tears of sadness to tears of anger where I want to rip her head off and drop kick it across the garden!!! Remembering all the bad points, either written down or talking to someone really does help
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