Forever Searching Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Hello everyone and thanks ahead of time to anyone that can give me their insight on how I should treat the situation I am in. I really messed up with my new boyfriend. We've been together only a little over a month but so far things for the most part have been nice. I'm not quite sure he's "the one" for me but it hasn't been all that long and we are still feeling each other out. The problem is I've started to feel like he is starting to take me for granted lately and I've tried to hint here and there about it and distance myself a littel but things are still kind of not improving as much as I'd would have liked. Well Sunday night I dont' know what happened to me or what I was thinking but I drank a whole bottle of wine and then we got into an argument on instant messenger and it started off by me saying something out of line about my ex which was hurtful to him. So he got mad and I tried to call him to talk and he wouldn't answer. So I went to his house I mean I was suppossed to go over there anyway that night and of course he knew I was drunk and I was extrememly emotional and well you get the picture. So I finally calmed down and told him maybe we should just break up because things just seemed to be too difficult between us. He didn't want to do that. So I left Monday morning and he talks to me online last night and of course was being distant and cool which I was expecting. I brought it up after awhile and asked him if he even still wanted to be with me cause at this point I just wasn't feeling it from him. He said "well last night was a little much but I"m still here" So he admitted he was mad at me and said it would just take time and both of us should just get a good nights sleep and he would talk to me tomorrow. Now, I know this is getting long but I'm trying to get as many of the important points across. What should I do about handling this situation. I mean I want us to at least continue to date and I don't want him to hold this against me and I want him to get over it which I think he will but in the meantime I dont' know how to act. Do I let him completely pursue me to give him some space or what? I already sent him short nice email and told him again I am very sorry and how I acted was unexcuseable and told him I would like for us to continute to get to know each other and that I hoped he could let it go. I just want to see him so bad!!!! I'm afraid now that he won't spend any time with me this weekend and we both have off for the long holiday weekend and I was hoping we'd actually get to spend some good time together because he does live 50 miles from me so it's hard for us to plan dates and stuff like a regular couple. Do I call him tonight and ask him if he'd like to get together or do I let him make the first move? I don't want to mess this up worse than I already did. I don't want to push him away further but I'd like to at least get together and see how bad the situation really is. ughh!!! Sorry again for the length.
slubberdegullion Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Step 1: Stop drinking. Step 2: Don't drop hints. Men don't "do" hints. Be clear. Step 3: Apologize in person. An email won't cut it. Step 4: Let him know you're still interested in spending time with him this weekend. Step 5: Wait for his response. Good luck! btw... cute avatar!
Author Forever Searching Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 Thanks for your advice!! I really do want to apologize in person but that's where I"m having the issue. Do I go ahead and call him after work and see if he has some free time tonight and ask if he minds if I stop by for a little or do I just let him have some more time to cool off? I'm not sure if this is a time I should distance myself or if I should show him I really care by calling him first. It is my fault I'm the one that messed up but Im so afraid of pushing him away further by asking to see him I don't want him to feel smothered.
slubberdegullion Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Then tell him that. "I'd like to see you tonight, but I don't want you to feel smothered. May I come by at (time)?"
Rickymoemoe Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Hey don't forget Step 0.5: Sort out your own feelings woman, stop draggin his world down with your complex
Author Forever Searching Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 Hey don't forget Step 0.5: Sort out your own feelings woman, stop draggin his world down with your complex Thank you to everyone that gave me advice. I saw him last night and apologized in person and at first he was a little offstandish but I promised him I would try working through any "issues" I had in a more adult way in the future and things were quickly back to normal. I realize most of the things he does that make me upset or confused seem to be not done intentionally. What I mean by that is, I think he just doesn't have very much experience with healthy relationships and he has major insecurity and trust issues so for now Im trying to just remail calm and enjoy our time together and focus on getting to know each other better instead of developing a relationship. I guess that is where my problem mostly came in to play is I was worried too much about how things were suppossed to be evolving instead of just enjoying each other. so.... Thanks again and wish luck!!!
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