serious trust/insecurity issues

[semiregularguy]

This is my first post anywhere. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me last week, and moved out of my place. We had some really serious trust issues, first her trusting me, then me trusting her. I cheated on her very early on in the reationship at a time when I didn't really think we were that serious. Needless to say she never really got over it. After a few years of us both keeping eachother on "lock down", she decided that she wanted to start going out with her girlfreinds to clubs and the like. She came home one night at 4:30, and swore that she didn't do anything but I did'nt/ don't beleive her. I forgave her, but I never really let it go. It made me feel verry insecure about the reationship and myself. So, I got more controlling, and she became more distant and annoyed at my behavior. It got to the point where I started obsessing about where she was at every moment of the day (really unhealthy). The ****ty thing is she is a really great person, and we were very compatible. So, now that she is gone I can't stop thinking about her - I miss her so much. She is proposing that we "take some time off", and scale down the seriousness of the relationship and learn to trust eachother again. I think I "get it" but my f@#ed up mind I think that she just wants to see what else is out there, and I don't want to be made a fool of, if/when she decides that there is someone else she would rather be with. I feel like I am sacrificing my dignity just for a chance at reconciliation, if in the end it dosn't work out. I am really insecure when it comes to women. I shouldn't be, I'm not bad looking, and have a decent career and a god job. Somehow though, I always feel like Im not good enough for the women I'm with, and that someday they are going to figure that out. What's wrong with me? I know this is pathetic, but if anyone has any suggesions/comments brutal or not, i'd be open to hear them. Thanks for leting me ramble-out my little "pitty party".

 

love sick in the head,

[cynicalnlove]

This is my first post anywhere. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me last week, and moved out of my place. We had some really serious trust issues, first her trusting me, then me trusting her. I cheated on her very early on in the reationship at a time when I didn't really think we were that serious. Needless to say she never really got over it. After a few years of us both keeping eachother on "lock down", she decided that she wanted to start going out with her girlfreinds to clubs and the like. She came home one night at 4:30, and swore that she didn't do anything but I did'nt/ don't beleive her. I forgave her, but I never really let it go. It made me feel verry insecure about the reationship and myself. So, I got more controlling, and she became more distant and annoyed at my behavior. It got to the point where I started obsessing about where she was at every moment of the day (really unhealthy). The ****ty thing is she is a really great person, and we were very compatible. So, now that she is gone I can't stop thinking about her - I miss her so much. She is proposing that we "take some time off", and scale down the seriousness of the relationship and learn to trust eachother again. I think I "get it" but my f@#ed up mind I think that she just wants to see what else is out there, and I don't want to be made a fool of, if/when she decides that there is someone else she would rather be with. I feel like I am sacrificing my dignity just for a chance at reconciliation, if in the end it dosn't work out. I am really insecure when it comes to women. I shouldn't be, I'm not bad looking, and have a decent career and a god job. Somehow though, I always feel like Im not good enough for the women I'm with, and that someday they are going to figure that out. What's wrong with me? I know this is pathetic, but if anyone has any suggesions/comments brutal or not, i'd be open to hear them. Thanks for leting me ramble-out my little "pitty party".

 

love sick in the head,

 

 

ahh, why do you guys always do this. ok, here's the thing. you are insecure because you are capable of cheating and you have done it before. So, you think that she's capable of doing it also. You should know her better than that, if after 5 yrs. If she's not, you just drove yourself crazy and drove her away by smothering her. Tell you the truth, i would be extremely annoyed if anyone wanted to know where i am at 24/7. there's a sense of privacy, no matter how long i know the guy. We need space.. If you had some proof that she was cheating than the relationship was already over before you guys had ended it. She had already moved on. The best thing you could do is wait it out, give her time say lke 2-3 wks. Than you tell her whats on your mind. If you truly love her, it shouldn't be about the pride. Love should've override that. however, tell her you want a second chance. Give her some assurance that you wouldn't do what you just did. And then, you wait for the answer. it may take weeks, if she says no then move on.

[mazza32cott]

A relationship without trust will NEVER work. If she was going out and not saying where she was going and then switching her phone off when she went, I could maybe understand the trust issues.

 

You need to work on yourself and realise your worth. Don't think you are not good enough. If there are things you know you should improve on then do it. Don't just think it but action it.

 

Trust is a big thing in a relationship but I do believe it is something that people earn with their actions.

 

I am obviously a b*strd magnet because all three guys I have had relationships with have cheated on me. I have now asked the universe to bring me a loyal and honest man. Hope he comes along one day....

 

Maz