latefragment Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 (a little note i posted on craigslist) hey all you guys out there who've messed with my head. thanks for teaching me not to be a gullible dumbsh*t. thanks for teaching me to be a nicer, gentler person. thanks for teaching me that it helps to put up shields, walls, barriers, it pays to be cool and it doesn't hurt to pretend you don't give a damn. it helps to not give a damn. my heart is like an open wound in my chest and it's my own fault for letting you claim that terrain as your own, to do what you please with it. it's my own fault for granting you that sovereignty. why did i do it? because i'm a romantic, i'm trusting. i'm not looking for love, or marriage, or even a boyfriend. in fact, those three words scare me greatly. i guess i just allowed myself to fall in "like" with you and -- it blew up in my face. too bad. i suffered at the hands of your rejection - even worse, i was kicked to the curb and trampled, while i gazed back at you with astonished eyes. the trauma still shakes me, i try my hardest not to think about it. i try to breathe deeply, i remember when, at those initial moments of venomous rejection, i couldn't breathe, my heart stopped beating, i thought i'd never breathe again, i sought pain to numb the ferocious demon within me. there's something wrong with me - i know now, it's me, not you. i'm sensitive, too sensitive. when i like someone, i *like* them. it's like i'm on crack or something, they can do no wrong. i like to think i'm good at being neither smothering nor standoffish, that i'm low maintenance. but maybe i'm deluding myself. if only i really couldn't care less, it would make the fall that much shorter, the impact a thousand times less painful. so for all you guys out there who've messed with my head. it's not your fault, it's mine. i assume the full responsibility. but i guess it still hurts. and as f*cked up as it may seem, i still miss the hell out of you, your smiles, your kisses, the way you treated me when things were good. these wistful memories always seem to haunt me when things are looking down, like they are now. so i sit here, softly strumming my guitar, tears rolling down my cheeks. as cyrano said, adieu, adieu, adieu. though i wish it were otherwise, i know this adieu is temporary, and you'll resurface the next time i find myself kicked to the curb, the air trampled out of me. i hope i'll remember fewer of the details next time though. fingers crossed.
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 if only i really couldn't care less, it would make the fall that much shorter, the impact a thousand times less painful. And then life would be so much less fun and interesting. Imagine going thru life without feelings. No poetry or passion. so i sit here, softly strumming my guitar, tears rolling down my cheeks. Awww
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