WebPriestess Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I've been in a relationship with this incredible man for almost 7 months now. I consider myself very lucky to be with such a rich, warm, full person like him. For the first time in my life, I have found my perfect compliment. Everything is going great. We are both in (different) engineering fields. We share very similar ambitions, goals, and morals. Our families are very much in sync. Not to mention, the sex is phenominal. I still can't believe to this day that I have this wonderful person in my life. He is a true blessing, and he has changed my life for everything better. This seems very cosmic, and it just keeps getting better and better. There is one thing...which is why I am here I was his first. I suspected something during our first time together (he really fumbled trying to put on the condom). A couple months later, he confessed to me the truth. Everything is great physically and emotionally. However, I have these fears that will not go away that he will get curious about others. After all, why wouldn't he? He's a very smart and creative guy. I myself am very experienced. I know that the grass is always not greener on the other side. But, how else would you know that unless you test it out first hand? I am concerned about this because we have been discussing a lot about our future together. I see such a bright, beautiful life with this person...but this is blackening everything and getting in my way. I have to do something about this before I make any commitments that will hurt myself or him somewhere down the road. I have thought about confronting him with this and talking it out, but I don't know how far his reassurances will sink in with me. I've thought about letting him go...but what is he doesn't come back? Or, what if he does...could I deal with that? I've even thought about seeking counseling. Before I do any of that...I thought I would check in with you guys first. What do you all think? I would really appreciate some feedback. I've been reading the forums for quite a while now, and I'm really impressed. You guys are great! This is my first post. LOL...I guess there is a first for everything Thanks in advance!
Tangerina Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Hey Webpriestess:) Thanks for joining.... I have your particular phobia, I am sad to admit... though I am 20 and I am not really thinking of settling down until I am about your age, but I am deffinitely more of a LTR girl than a dating girl.... And who knows, if this relationship keeps being good maybe there will never be a reason to break up forever, that is kind of my philosophy... the thing about being 20, though, is that most guys have this idea... or should I say that I have this idea that most guys have this idea... that they should be playing the field.... my ex had it for real bigtime and broke up with me only to find out that it wasnt great... my current BF is very experienced and I think he is much more committed to me because he understands the whole thing about the grass... but even he misses "the field" sometimes... so because of the ex and realistically being this age I have developed a paranoia about it... it seems like you think that even though your guy is older, since you are his first he is in that same mentality that he needs to live a it before he settles down... it very well may be true, but even if it is there is the whole separate matter of being happy with what he has and knowing that it is a good thing and not wanting to lose it or ruin it... if he understands all of that then you are a lucky lady... it seems that the only thing you can do is talk to him, though, if you really want to know what is going on in his mind and so he knows what your concerns are... I don't know if that helped at all, but I hope it did a bit....
Author WebPriestess Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 Hey Tangerina Thank you so much for your reply. It seems that you do have an idea of where I am coming from. About the grass...it's not really all that. I do consider myself a very lucky lady. He is very committed to me and he loves me very much. I know this in the bottom of my heart. I guess I am just scared. I don't want to invest too much in this relationship only to get crushed because he is curious about other ladies' grass. Oh man...that kinda sounded nasty! LOL! We are both the same age...in fact, he is two weeks younger than me. The similarities have stunned me. We've discussed moving in together, getting married, etc. However, we are taking it nice and slow, and savoring these first moments of our relationship! It's just discussion for now Perhaps you are right, and I should speak to him about this. We've been pretty open and honest with eachother so far. Also, he is very supportive and understanding. I have thown a lot of stuff at him so far and he has taken it like a real man! Thanks again...BTW...I just LOVE your little dragon avatar! It is so cute!
Tangerina Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Haha, thanks... it is from the kid's book My Father's Dragon... that is where I got Tangerina... it is an island full of tangerines in that book... my BF calls me Tangerina... haha... It sounds like you have a real great guy, it is a good sign that he is talking about all of the comittment stuff too! I totally know how you feel, but it really sounds like you have nothing to worry about at this early stage... but as things get more serious it probably would be a good thing to bring up just so it is all out in the open... I know that even when I feel dumb and insecure about having some hang up I have it helps me so much just to get it out there....
mini696 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 The more you worry about it the more change you have of transferring those fears onto him. Talk to him about it. Just make sure he doesn't feel the need to go elsewhere, by experimenting, allowing him to talk freely about his needs, and assuring him that you are being satisfied.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Hmmmmmmmmmmm, Engineering? Analytical mind??? Most everything is great??? I contend that you are quenching your genetic desire to over-analyze, and that you only came to this particular factor for scanning over so many others and not finding cause for pause. I also perceive him to be a great fella who will value beyond what you can fathom the chance to keep investing his emotions and his life into the same woman year after year. The sex is great not (just) because he's warm for your physical form. The sex is great because he is entirely content with you (yeah, who knew?). I sense that he was and is so blessed to be with you that the inexperience you mentioned inspired him to believe himself not quite good enough for you, if seen as a virgin. (Do you feel as I do how completely absurd that feeling looks when looking back in time? - well, your present fears are equally uncalled for) Some people on this earth just need to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride... You're :Dne of those... now move along
Author WebPriestess Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 Hey Everyone Thank you so much for your replies...and I encourage to keep coming! This has been tearing at me for some time...ever since he brought up his background to my attention. Analytical mind...yes, very much...the both of us. Over-analytical? Absolutely! Tthat's me! I'm standing up with my arms raised. I'm not going to front about that...Hay! Hay! Hay! We are both very content with each other. I just keep thinking about what if's. I was raised to always consider the "what if's"... The Sincere Guy has really hit something with me. He mentioned "inexperience you mentioned inspired him to believe himself not quite good enough for you, if seen as a virgin." Funny, but I always thought with my trashy background that I was not good enough for him. But, in someways I know that you're right...he is a great guy that will keep investing. Sorry, sir: but, I can fathom! Also, my feelings are completely called for, and should be taken into consideration. I have pondered and muddled over them for many months. Things are starting to get really hot and heavy with us...not only in the bedroom, but with everything and in everywhere else. This is much too valuable to me to just ignore them and let them twist away...because they will not go away. I already tried Oh Yes! I have very much enjoyed the ride very much so far...and I continue to do so every day and every moment...even when I am away from him. Some days, I just can't believe that there is a guy like him who seems so perfect to me. He fullfills so much, when I have been feeling so empty for so long. Then, why am I pondering over this? I guess am just being protective of myself. Perhaps I am being a little too over-analytical. However, being over-analytical is something that we both embraced with each other's minds, bodies and spirits. So, yes, I guess I do need to talk to him about it. I should just drop the guard and do it. Thanks tangerina and mini! My shout-outs to you guys. You, too, Sincere Guy...because you recognized how blessed he is...so am I!
AmberAriesMom Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 I don't really think it matters how much experience a man has when it comes to if he might want to 'play the field'. I agree with one of the other posters....talk to him about this and just ask him. Then if he says he not interested in trying out other women, then just keep your eyes open for him to change his mind. You might also just ask him if he ever feels the needs to stray to other women please just tell you first. It's funny, but when my now spouse of 29 years and I decided to get married we were both scared that one or the other of us might, at some point in time, have an affair. I'm not bragging or anything, just the facts, but we were both highly sought after in the dating market and knew we could pretty much have anyone we wanted. It was hard to let down our guards and believe what we had with each other was enough for 50 years or so. So we made that pact, that if either of us ever wanted to see someone else, we'd say it up front before we had sex with this other person. And the deal included that we would break up and divorce immediately with no hard feelings. I think this sort of security was wonderful. And fortunately, neither of us ever strayed.
Cecelius Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 How old is he? Not to open a can of worms, but does he know how "experienced" you are, in the sense of it being an issue? I ask because (depending on the answer to his age above) very late blooming men often have the worst problems with g/f's backgrounds. They have a tendency to view the relationship as magical and sacred and everything they have been waiting for and all kinds of cr@p like that that they have learned from a lifetime of Lifetime movies. Then they find out a few details, and woah... Seriously, in my opinion, the odds are not good that long term he will be happily exclusive with you. At some point, he WILL start to wonder/wish/dream, etc. He is a man, no matter how late a bloomer, and exclusivity is not natural to a man in any event -- it is a hard choice that takes a mature man.
Nur Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Wow, I see major similarities between us. (I'm an engineering major right now, too. Go figure). I can definitely relate to the urge to analyze and over-analyze everything (it drives everyone crazy) and, ironically, I am in a similar situation to yours. Just reversed. In my situation I am the inexperienced first-timer. Granted my boyfriend and I are only eighteen, but I've known him (and been very good friends with him) for three years, and our relationship is similar to yours in that we seem to be compliments of each other, and flourish as a couple. I could seriously see myself marrying him a few years down the road, if our paths seem parallel. In my case, I wondered: could ever be truly content with him, knowing he's the only one I've ever been with? The question bothered me for a few weeks, until finally I told him. We decided to open our relationship for a while, and date other people as well, which seemed like a good idea. It could have happened two ways. I could have spent time with other guys and totally forgotten about him, in which case I would know that we weren't meant to be. But what really happened is that I ended up missing him terribly, and whenever another guy would go out with me or flirt, he would flash back into my mind. It was only a few weeks later when I had my answer. I told him that now I truly realized the depth of my feelings for him, and he was relieved to hear it. We are back together now, stronger than ever. It was a tough choice, and had our relationship been weak it could have ended it, but he was willing to back off a little bit and let me find my answers. I recommend discussing the issue with your boyfriend, and ask him his feelings. If he has questions or doubts close to what mine were, suggest a plan in which he can verify them. If not, then it will not be necessary to go through that.
Author WebPriestess Posted November 22, 2005 Author Posted November 22, 2005 Haaay! Wow, thanks everyone for your feedback! I'm very impressed! To answer some questions: We are both 28. I have shared a lot of my background. I mean, sure, I never got into details of what color my panties were during my first time...but we have both been very honest with each other. He's never passed judgement or has gotten angry and/or jealous when I discuss my background with him. AAMom: That's a great idea...be front about it before anything happens. BTW...congrats on almost 30 years! You're post has made me very hopeful. What Cecelius and Nur mentioned is exactly what I am fearing of in the future. He is a man, too bad for him Putting that aside, of course he would get curious, wishful, etc. I guess I will start bracing myself to talk to him about this. If I have to let him go, I will. But I don't know what will happen if he wants to come back if it comes down to that. If it's ment to be, it will be. I guess. Thanks again...
Neptune Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 WebPriestess, You two seem to be a great couple. If it ain`t broke don`t try to fix it. But there is one thing here. LISTEN UP: This is a guarantee. If the two of you stay together, get hitched and so forth. One thing you are going to have to be is absolutely understanding of in the long run. And that is his sexual fantasies and experimentation. You have to be absolutely accepting and attentive to what he may want and do your best to provide. If not, count on resentment. Remember, you are his sole sex life and everything in it`s entirety will be with and through you. To ever slight him on this would be like you have had yours and now will not grant him his.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Just stop and smell the roses already!!! You've not come up with a hint of anything that inspires me to have the slightest concern or fear about your romantic future with him. And I'm not afraid to call'em as I see them.
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