Alpacalia Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 So I have an issue... When my ex and I were together there was an incident that upset me between him and a female. The details are not important but my reaction is what I am disappointed with. I felt so much anger and in the moment and felt so much contempt towards him. I just couldn't shake off the negative feelings. Looking back now, I realize that my reaction was not justified. I was constantly seeking reassurance from him. This incident just made me feel like my fears and suspicions were justified. But the truth is, my ex never gave me a reason not to trust him. He was always faithful and honest with me. It was my own past experiences. I wish I had handled the situation differently. I wish I had been able to communicate my feelings and concerns in a calm and rational manner instead of letting my emotions take over. I have realized that I need to work on my emotional regulation and communication skills. I want to be able to handle situations like this in a more mature and effective way in the future. I also want to learn how to forgive and let go of situations that have caused me pain in the past. It's not for a lack of trying, there are just some things that are harder to navigate for me at times and I need to actively work on it. I'm just wondering why after all this time, these old feelings resurfaced and I didn't handle them well. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 (edited) A great way to improve communication skills is to reduce obscure references malaprops, slang, colloquialisms, and hyperbole when speaking or writing . Try to say what you mean and mean what you say more directly for clarity. For example "juju"? Why not try to find more articulate ways of expression rather than obscure or cultish references. Keep in mind that tabloid style writing may attract attention but generally it's confusing. Edited March 6 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted March 6 Author Share Posted March 6 This is sound advice. I acknowledge that when giving advice, there is a tendency to get caught up in specific words or phrases instead of the overall message. This can be interpreted as nit-picking and can be frustrating for the person receiving the advice, although I know it is not your intention. Moving forward, I will make a concerted effort to be more mindful of my language and ensure that my message is concise and easy to understand. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted March 6 Share Posted March 6 8 hours ago, Alpacalia said: I'm just wondering why after all this time, these old feelings resurfaced and I didn't handle them well. I can only speculate ............. Perhaps there is a desire in some of us that we want to find a person we are happy with and hence get to a point of where we no longer are looking for a new partner, the latter activity can be joyful or draining depending on our mindset at a particular time, I suspect you thought you had found someone, that well - you could see the endgame- I am finished looking, but then the doubts creep back in after whatever incident annoyed you- ok maybe this is not going to work after all, I suppose its disappointing then if we get our hopes up something joyful is upon us; and then the letdown or knock to our confidence again if we discover it will not quite play out as hoped, are we heading back to square one, resulting in wayward emotions- which is ok too- your entitled to an off day or whatever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 17 Share Posted March 17 On 3/6/2024 at 9:10 AM, Alpacalia said: So I have an issue... When my ex and I were together there was an incident that upset me between him and a female. The details are not important but my reaction is what I am disappointed with. I felt so much anger and in the moment and felt so much contempt towards him. I just couldn't shake off the negative feelings. Looking back now, I realize that my reaction was not justified. I was constantly seeking reassurance from him. This incident just made me feel like my fears and suspicions were justified. But the truth is, my ex never gave me a reason not to trust him. He was always faithful and honest with me. It was my own past experiences. I wish I had handled the situation differently. I wish I had been able to communicate my feelings and concerns in a calm and rational manner instead of letting my emotions take over. I have realized that I need to work on my emotional regulation and communication skills. I want to be able to handle situations like this in a more mature and effective way in the future. I also want to learn how to forgive and let go of situations that have caused me pain in the past. It's not for a lack of trying, there are just some things that are harder to navigate for me at times and I need to actively work on it. I'm just wondering why after all this time, these old feelings resurfaced and I didn't handle them well. WE ALL have things that we individually need to work on so do not feel as if you are alone. Also, it is in the past so all you can do from this point forward is LEARN from any mistakes you may have made and do better next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted March 17 Author Share Posted March 17 2 hours ago, happyhorizons said: WE ALL have things that we individually need to work on so do not feel as if you are alone. Also, it is in the past so all you can do from this point forward is LEARN from any mistakes you may have made and do better next time. Thanks for this. In retrospect, there were certain things we didn't agree on. While I respect him as a person, some views I don't agree with and even find some things I can't get on board with. Just not for me. But that doesn't make it a doomsday scenario, but in some ways it conflicts with personal traits, if that makes sense. Life moves us onto people but it doesn't mean we're bad people. Just don't match well, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 18 Share Posted March 18 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks for this. In retrospect, there were certain things we didn't agree on. While I respect him as a person, some views I don't agree with and even find some things I can't get on board with. Just not for me. But that doesn't make it a doomsday scenario, but in some ways it conflicts with personal traits, if that makes sense. Life moves us onto people but it doesn't mean we're bad people. Just don't match well, etc. Just because they are ultimately not RIGHT FOR YOU doesn't mean anything other than THERE IS SOMEONE else that is simply a better fit for you. You will know when it is RIGHT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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