SMHappyface Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 My ex-fiance cheated on me, lied to me and broke my heart. Why do I still miss him? Last night, almost 2 months into this drama, I broke down crying again. I know nothing we had was real, I hate the Bas*ard, but I still miss him - what the heck? Anybody know why we do this?
cynicalnlove Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 My ex-fiance cheated on me, lied to me and broke my heart. Why do I still miss him? Last night, almost 2 months into this drama, I broke down crying again. I know nothing we had was real, I hate the Bas*ard, but I still miss him - what the heck? Anybody know why we do this? Thats a hard question. But ask yourself this, what is there to miss about him? I mean he cheated obviously can't be trusted again. You miss the comfort, its not him. Really, is there much to miss about him? And to think you were going to get married.
Author SMHappyface Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 There is nothing to miss about him - he's a creep. His touch wasn't real, his words were lies, the logic to miss him doesn't exist, but I just do. Maybe I'm just missing/wishing that I did have something like this for real
cynicalnlove Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 There is nothing to miss about him - he's a creep. His touch wasn't real, his words were lies, the logic to miss him doesn't exist, but I just do. Maybe I'm just missing/wishing that I did have something like this for real There's your answer. There's nothing to miss about him. He lied to you about everything, he just wanted to have all those other women on the side just incase he gets bored with you. Why not spend time thinking or doing something for yourself. Give time and thoughts to the people who really deserves them, not to some a-hole that needs to feed his ego, and not caring if he had hurt his so-called fiance. Ok, this might help: why think about him, he's probably not thinking about you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 My ex-fiance cheated on me, lied to me and broke my heart. Why do I still miss him? Anybody know why we do this? Because you miss the potential you thought you had as a couple. You miss the hopes you had. You miss the person you wanted him to be for you, and who you were hoping he would become. Letting go of a person is easy. Letting go of your idea of them is the hard part.
scobro Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 You probably miss the being in a relationship more than him.You liked your life as a couple and now its over and thats what you miss.
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 You're grieving, and that's natural. And as LB said, you're missing the guy you thought you knew…not the real person behind the all lies and phony fronts. It has to be quite a shock to your system discovering, after all this time, that you were in love with a complete stranger. It would be to anyone. Allow yourself a little time to process everything that's happened. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions so that you can grow from them and become a stronger person. I guarantee, not only will you survive this jerk and go on to make BETTER relationship choices, but you'll thrive … grateful for the fact that it happened before you were tricked into marrying him. When you finally meet the love of your life, you may even want to send him a "Thank You" card! Rather then focusing on why some idiots do what they do, try to view this is an opportunity to expend more energy on yourself or to meet someone who's more worthy of you. This is not the end of the world (although it may feel like it right now), nor is this loser the last person you will ever love. The cream always rises to the surface, while scum sinks to join the rest of the bottom-dwellers. Hold out for the cream of the crop, HappyFace. There are a lot of WONDERFUL guys still out there, I promise!
alphamale Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 My ex-fiance cheated on me, lied to me and broke my heart. Why do I still miss him? because your female ego is bruised because you cannot control him and he has the upper hand. you cannot believe that this man won't get on his knees and do whatever you say. he is a man and is independent and does what HE wants. that is very attractive to most women. you cannot have him 100% so you want him even more...
Author SMHappyface Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 When you finally meet the love of your life, you may even want to send him a "Thank You" card! Hahaha - how cute. When I first met my ex, I had been cheated on by my previous ex and he told me "If G hadn't cheated on you, I never would've met you." Well, that was true, but still a person he was trying to be and pretended to be for three years. I guess I should feel grateful and rescued from what could've been a disasterous marriage! :-O The cream always rises to the surface, while scum sinks to join the rest of the bottom-dwellers. Hold out for the cream of the crop, HappyFace. There are a lot of WONDERFUL guys still out there, I promise! I LOVE this quote - People don't really change - they may act a bit like a certain way for awhile, but they all return to who they are. C tried to be a certain way for me and may have succeeded for a bit, but at the end of the day, he's just a sex-crazed, party animal, womanizer. Thanks for the encouragement, I guess I just need to relax and learn to be comfortable WITHOUT a man.
SmoochieFace Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 he is a man and is independent and does what HE wants. True, but at the same time he could be a *decent* guy and not s*** all over someone who is deserving of better treatment. Being a *man* and being *independent* are not licenses for being an *a**h**** - which is exactly what SMHF's X is. And any jackass who cheats on someone like SMHF - who appears to be very attractive AND a good person - should get s*** on big-time. He deserves the worst of the bad.
Author SMHappyface Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 True, but at the same time he could be a *decent* guy and not s*** all over someone who is deserving of better treatment. Being a *man* and being *independent* are not licenses for being an *a**h**** - which is exactly what SMHF's X is. And any jackass who cheats on someone like SMHF - who appears to be very attractive AND a good person - should get s*** on big-time. He deserves the worst of the bad. Aww, you are sweet - thanks. IMO, regardless of whatever reason a person has for cheating, they should be man and woman enough to end it/be honest BEFORE it hits the cheating. Even if I was with the biggest jerk of all time, I would NEVER cheat on him, I would break up with him. Cheating is a low-down, selfish way to get as much as he/she can without losing. My ex wanted to keep me - His family loved me, his friends were jealous, but he wanted extras too. He didn't care about me as a person and his world revolved around himself. The ironic thing was I felt SOOO guilty about complaining about one of the girls he was cheating on me with (before I knew for sure) I bought him almost a grand in random toys, sinking my credit card into debt. He never thanked me and took them all the day he left. I preety much did whatever he wanted to my own exhaustion and he still left. There's only so much you can do for a guy like that...
alphamale Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 And any jackass who cheats on someone like SMHF - who appears to be very attractive AND a good person - Can you confirm this 100% SMOOCHIE COOCHIE?? You're basing these opinions on a coupla paragraphs (92 posts in almost 2 yrs to be exact) and a picture that may or may not be fake.
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I'll be honest with you … if it weren't for surviving a few losers myself, I would never have been able to appreciate a REAL man when he finally came along. And if it weren't for learning from past mistakes and plain ol' poor judgement, I'd never have figured out what it took to find and maintain a good relationship. Without experiencing the difference, most of us wouldn't know a good thing from a bad one even if it bit us on the ayas. And I'm also grateful to all those psycho ex-girlfriends in my partners past, cause if they hadn't already put a good scare into him, I might not seem nearly as great a catch as he thinks I am now. Just don't let the relationship tards destroy your ability to love and trust another person again. It's only a small price to pay if they've stolen a little time from you, but don't ever give them the power to ruin the rest of your life. Liars end up with liars. Cheaters end up with cheaters. Dishonest people end up with other dishonest people. In the end, life has a funny way separating the wheat from the chaff and sorting everything/everyone out. All you need to do is trust it.
SmoochieFace Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Can you confirm this 100% SMOOCHIE COOCHIE?? Your basing these opinions on a coupla paragraphs and a picture that may or may not be fake. Didya miss me over the weekend, ALPHA? It's okay... SC is back! The pic *MAY* be a fake but I believe that not ALL people online are scumbags. If it is real, then I'd say that SMHF is very attractive. As far as the *other*... let's just say that I am a good judge of character. You obviously don't give a *beep* about *character* - unless your definition of *character* means that the woman will do anything AND everything you demand of her. The hallmark of insecurity - for BOTH sides!
Author SMHappyface Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Can you confirm this 100% SMOOCHIE COOCHIE?? You're basing these opinions on a coupla paragraphs (92 posts in almost 2 yrs to be exact) and a picture that may or may not be fake. 92 posts in almost two years - ok, so I'm not a regular and just started posting like nuts since my breakup, but U are judging without knowing either of us. It's not deciding if I didn't deserve it, or that I'm a control freak or whatever your insinuating but NOBODY deserves to be cheated on. I'll admit, I can be clingy, jealous and emotional, but no matter how bad I was or can be, he should've been honest enough to end it before he cheated.
SmoochieFace Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 NOBODY deserves to be cheated on. This is what matters the most. There is NO justification for cheating.
Author SMHappyface Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 The pic *MAY* be a fake but I believe that not ALL people online are scumbags. If it is real, then I'd say that SMHF is very attractive. As far as the *other*... let's just say that I am a good judge of character. You obviously don't give a *beep* about *character* - unless your definition of *character* means that the woman will do anything AND everything you demand of her. The hallmark of insecurity - for BOTH sides! My picture is NOT fake - But I don't think that's the point. I would upload more pictures if LS would allow it, but the point is not to prove how attractive I am, or the merits of if I'm a good person and deserve what happened to me. I've made mistakes, but I can say I'm 100% honest and I've done my absolute best to treat my ex with respect. Even after all he's done, I returned his stuff in perfect condition and haven't done any hate crimes to him or his new gf. IMO, even if I wasn't a thin blonde and I was a fat ugly red-head with an awful temper, I still maintain YOU BREAK UP, YOU NEVER CHEAT!!
NoFaith05 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 My ex, like your ex, put up a front and pretended to be someone she's not. She turned into a real bitch towards the end, and soon after the relationship. For some reason I still miss her, and I hate myself for it! It's true what the others are saying- we are missing the idea of what we thought we had. The worst part about all of this is that we were living a lie for so long, and looking back, we feel quite foolish.
genEric Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 For me, I call it "The bed of rocks" syndrome; After sleeping in a bed made of rocks for so long you get used to it. Someone plops down a big comfy soft mattress. Off to bed you go. You toss and turn and just can't get comfy. In the middle of the night you crawl out of that soft comfy new bed and back into your bed of rocks. Its not more comfortable, but it is familiar.... I also realized recently that I was missing the way I wanted things to be rather than the way they really were. I read an email that I had sent my ex a year prior to our breakup and in it I expressed how lonely and how alienated I had been feeling and how I felt like an unwanted stranger in our home. Reading that reminded me that the pain I'm going thru now is just the tip of the iceberg and that I've been hurting like this for a looooong time. It gave me, for the first time in a long time, a sense of relief, in that it is over and really put the past (that I was missing) into its true perspective. Realizing this was very calming for me, and I feel that somehow this perspective is allowing me to let go and say goodbye and move a lot closer to accepting my not so terrible loss and moving on. I guess I needed to realize that our physical seperation was the END of the breakup rather than the beginning. -genEric
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