impuls3 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 ahaaha ICS man, remember when u posted on my thread a while back saying how ur girlfriend was alot like mine... well me and her broke up too, and now im in the same position as u...the exact same position...dude i think were dating the same chick...seriously... ahahaaha... she totally owns me now... im a loser...come on board my boat.... this is creepy...ur girl and mine r the exact same... but as to give u advice.... i just kept giving her more and more distance until she came crawling back (or i hope since i just in the beggining of that stage) so just give her space and really stick it to her that she doesnt own you... i found with my girl, i just had to give her the harsh truth... it isnt worth having your life being run by her... tell her that if she wants you, its gonna haveta be a COMPROMISE...something i bet you alot of money that your girlfriend doesnt understand the meaning of... anyways good luck... remember...relationships are 50/50 not 100(her)/0(you)...good luck bro
Author ICS Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 She called me up today and asked me to bring her back her sweaters and miscellaneous things she left at my place last time. At the end of the phone call she said thank you, and was more polite than usual. What might she be thinking about? Our conversation comprised of only the above.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 Honestly I do not believe that I have too much contact with my mom, but I am pretty sure that she sees it as quite the contrary. Naturally, we know that girlfriends and mothers don't get along very well... I should point out that her relationship with her parents is not so stable, which is quite the opposite of my relationship with my own parents, who tend to be much more supportive, whereas hers appear to be very emotionally distant from her. She was adopted. Hmmm... while I do think your girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend should I say, does sound like an absolute control freak, I was thinking the same thing that some others were about the possibility of you being a momma's boy. I'm wondering why you think it's natural that girlfriends and mothers don't get along. Has this always been the case with your mom? In all the relationships I've been in, only one mother have I not gotten along with....and that's because she was absolutely psycho. I swear she poisoned me once on Christmas Eve. I drove home after dinner (which she didn't want me at in the first place) and I threw up in the car the whole way home. Anyway, my last boyfriend's mom and I even took flea marketing and garage saling trips, just the two of us. I guess I did have one pet peeve with that particular mom, however. She always brought them (my exboyfriend and his brother live together) toilet paper when she came down. WTF? They're 27 and can buy their own freaking TP. Anwyay.... my point is that while it's natural for people to have their differences, it isn't "natural" for girlfriends and mothers to dislike each other. If your mom has this tendency to dislike your girlfriends, there is a problem. Oh, and my two cents on the break-up which occured after you refused to leave your parents' side and pick her up 30 minutes early.... What would have been the big deal to leave dinner and get her? Surely, any rational person would understand, and if your parents would have been pissed for you leaving the dinner table to go pick up your girlfriend, then THEY have control issues. I know if I was at work all day and got off early, I'd want to be picked up early. I side with her on that one!
the corinthian Posted November 26, 2005 Posted November 26, 2005 What do you make of this situation? I think your girlfriend sounds horrible. If my girlfriend made such demands of me, and bitched when I wanted to stop talking on the phone, I would tell her that I'm hanging up and to go find someone else. I think I find your girlfriend's behavior ridiculous. And don't go suspecting mental illness in other people; everyone acts crazy sometimes. If this girl is acting crazy more often than you like, then just keep in mind that you can't stand her behavior. You don't need to go labeling her.
roadx Posted November 27, 2005 Posted November 27, 2005 Anwyay.... my point is that while it's natural for people to have their differences, it isn't "natural" for girlfriends and mothers to dislike each other. If your mom has this tendency to dislike your girlfriends, there is a problem. Oh, and my two cents on the break-up which occured after you refused to leave your parents' side and pick her up 30 minutes early.... What would have been the big deal to leave dinner and get her? Surely, any rational person would understand, and if your parents would have been pissed for you leaving the dinner table to go pick up your girlfriend, then THEY have control issues. I know if I was at work all day and got off early, I'd want to be picked up early. I side with her on that one! I agree with the above. You may have planned your schedule to pick her up at 10:30 pm but in life circumstances change unexpectedly so you need to be able to make changes accordingly. You do not have to let your g/f control you in life, but you could have accomodated her in this situation. You had a valid reason to leave the dinner table, and your parents would have (or shoud have) been more understanding especially since it was your g/f you were going to pick up. Can you imagine if a husband's pregnant wife called him up and said "Honey, it is time, the baby is coming early", and the guy's response is "I am playing poker with my brother, the baby is not susposed to come for another week. Let me finish this play." As for the shower incident, you made it sound like your shower was more important than your g/f. What happened that made you have to take a shower at the moment, did you fall in some poison ivy? Would it have killed you to wait another 20 minutes? When she tried to pull the situation on you by saying she wanted to go to sleep early while on the phone with you, you are comparing apples to oranges. If someone is sleepy, they are usually not in a talking mood and you should let them get sleep. It is not like they can take a 10-nap and be all refreshed. I am not saying this is all your fault. Your g/f friend has her own issues, but I am just trying to give you the opposite perspective here as you have to take some responsibility for this situation.
Author ICS Posted November 28, 2005 Author Posted November 28, 2005 I talked to her after she initiated a a conversation with me, and our conversation continued well into the morning. First of all, there were alot of revelations, and finding out about them now sheds more light on the real situation, and honestly speaking, I do regret breaking up with her on some level. She told me that on the night I got off the phone to take a shower, she had wanted to tell me all about her plans for march break-even though she did not say anything about it when I asked her during that phone call. Anyway, she said she would have told me what it was all about, and it turns out that she wanted to go for a "vacation" with me and pay for everything. She also told me that she had been preparing for my birthday too. I told her my reason for being upset- that I was forbiddden to talk to my parents more than once during that week, and she explained that she was just trying to create an atmosphere and would not mind if I really did talk with them. So now she tells me, she talked very seriously that day too, who would have known? Looking back now, I am not saying she was right and I was wrong, but at least I understand that it wasn't really anyone's fault, although I do feel bad about all the sweet little things she wanted to do for me. That night we talked I felt like I made a huge mistake, it almost felt like it was all my fault, and I asked her if we could get back together and sort things out. She told me she didnt want to get back together with me, because she had been wanting to breakup too, and that it wasn't my fault because nothing would have kept us together. Now she proposes to take a break from talking to me for a while (perhaps a few months), and try to figure out what she wants to do with us. "I have to take a break from talking to you, to just live for a while. I love you but I don't know if we should be together, only time will tell." She also told me that she might go to university away from home now, unlike what she previously told me (staying home). It felt like I had destroyed what we had, and I dont even care whose fault it is anymore. Those words were hurtful in more ways than one, and I don't know how to deal with my current situation now.
stevestunts Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 dump her man unless your a undercover gayboy and you want her to dildo you A$$!!! seriously man, been there before > get out... you sound like a good guy so find someone that RESPECTS you.
westernxer Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 They always say nice things when you break away from them. Or else they want to rip your head off.
confused _one Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 She wants all your attension and more. She wants to control your life and the people you love. Wanting her to be the center of your life. Im sorry but thats just wrong. Completely self centered, and selfish. Do yourself a favor and get out before things get worse.
doru Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 "put your pants on" and see if she'll stay around... she probably won't (her fault)
Outcast Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 Kind of shocking how many men think you should have just put up with being ordered when to take showers and to drop everything and pick her up These men will settle with women just like that and will be here on LS complaining that their wives are royal beyatches. Seriously. 'Momma's boy' or not (and I doubt you are), NOBODY has the right to order you to do anything. If the gf was trying to set up a surprise for you, she should have said something like 'I'm going to want you all to myself and I'll be keeping you so busy, you won't have time for phone calls'. If she was planning to break up all along, then better it happen sooner than later.
ms_jnj Posted November 28, 2005 Posted November 28, 2005 She is insecure and possisive ontop of it. I wish I could encourage you but that is a bad combo...I've dated a guy that sounded very similar and I ended up feeling so....constrained and posessed and exhausted trying to please him that although he was a good person in other ways, I had to end it. Maybe it would help to sit down and tell her you love her and think she is awesome and beautiful, and that she is a top priority for you, but that your family and such are also very important to you. Tell her that your own personal freedoms are important too --that nobody should have to plan out a specific time to shower, and that being asked to do so makes you feel smothered. If she responds well to that, maybe you can work things out.
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