brooke7777 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I can't take it much longer. I'm really struggling with NC. It seems like every time I hit the 3-4 week mark I go crazy. Tonight, I saw him online, I waited a minute to give him the chance to im me and he did not, so I signed off before my mind could allow me to send him an instant message. A few weeks back, we had met and he told me how he missed me and how this has been such a hard adjustment. Then one of his best friends told me how he is so miserable and that apparently this is a decision he frequently questions. Ever since that night my mind has been spinning. I'm an overanalyzer in the first place, so you can only imagine the trillions of questions that are circulating through my mind. I just want to know what's going on in his life...how he's been...why he is so miserable, yet hasn't tried to contact me...if there is a sliver of hope for our relationship. Most of all, I still want to know WHY he actually broke up with me. Part of me feels like maybe I need to contact him to answer some of my questions and to help me move on. The other part of me is afraid to face the hurt and pain. This is so frustrating...I just wish I knew the right thing to do and how things will ultimately end up between us.
jhurtinct Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 brooke- noone ever knows what the future will hold but pls don't break NC I did and took mine back even took his word he wanted to try counseling to make it work and here I am back here again with the same pain and heartache as before. Its like bring your hopes back up again just to watch them fall all over. I'm not saying everyone is the same but I do wish I didn't got back again, I would be feeling much better right now instead of back at square one again. So pls try and stay strong for yourself if youve gone 3-4 wks it will only get easier, and try to tell his friends you don't want to hear about it, if he is really that miserable and he thinks he made that big of a mistake, let him lie in it until he contacts you, even then as I said above it isn't always the best thing for you or your future well being. Just stay as strong as you have been.
consumed Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I feel the same way tonite. My breakup happened 2 weeks ago and the last time I spoke to my ex was last weekend. I know NC is better but I had to talk to her. She told me though not to call as much and not to call for the rest of the week she may call me this up coming wk. It kills me like nothing else. I've had a few good days but today I've just been feeling really down. It doesn't help every night I dream of her and most days Im thinking about things and her alot. I just wonder hows she's doing, what her friends are saying about things, and what she's been up too. Its extra hard most days because I find myself alone during the day when my family is out. When I was with her, she was always there to talk to, waking up next too her, and all the stuff we did together if even just watching tv/movies at night. My work keeps my mind occupied but the days Im off and even at nights Im usually home alone my family out, which doesn't help. I try to get out when I can with friends but once or twice a wk is the most that happeneds. It's like I go 2 steps forward one day, then 3 back the next. I hope things get better soon.
strongwillpwr Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 brooke7777: I think you should delete and block your ex from any IM you use. I did it, and requested my ex to do it too when we finally broke it off for good. I also asked for her to remove all of my friends from her IM, and I did the same as well. You should stick to NC, as it is the only way for you to heal yourself. I've been in NC for over 2 months, and I definitely feel significantly better than I did in August, and most of the summer. When I first initiated NC, I was like you...wondering why my ex was miserable, wondering what was going through her mind....Now, even though I still think about her now and then, and what transpired over the summer for me, I don't dwell on it. I think there was some connection between the heartache I felt, and a general feeling of hope. During the summer, when I felt there was hope for us, it made me feel happy...when I felt all hope was lost for us, I felt heartache...Now, I feel hope again....but not for me and my ex ever reconciling...I feel hope that everything happens for a reason, and that my future will be bright, and I'll find the person I was truly meant to be with.... and I think you should also be hopeful that no matter what happens, you *will* be happy.
In Sync Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Hey there brooke7777, please see that NC is the best course of action. I just finished reading a terrific book and there's a great chapter about NC on it, the book which you may have heard "It's Called Breakp Becaus it's Broken." God knows I am struggling with NC each and everyday...want to contact him alot, but no..it will only defeat my efforts and healing anymore...breaking NC will bring more uncomfortable feelings for you if you don't hear what you really want to hear. If he broke up with you and you find out he's doing well, is that going to make you feel better. If so just imagine he is doing well and leave it at that. At the end of the day he knows how to contact you and he hasn't. Maybe he does feel bad about hurting you but it's not the kind of regret that he wants to get back because I repeat he would let you know..nothing comes between a guy who really wants to be with the woman he truly wants to be with. SO don't throw your NC efforts down the drain over a friend's hearsay.
Nikita20 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Brooke: Just to let you know you aren't the only one struggling with NC. So far, as of November 1st, it has been three weeks and I've heard absolutely nothing from him. I think the thing that is killing me, like yourself, is that I have no closure from him. I just want to know WHY. When he broke up with me, he didn't give me any straight answers, his last words were, "I still love you, I think you are beautiful, but I just can be with you right now." If you need the full details of my story, just read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t72685/ He is now seeing someone else. I just think it is a rebound in order to cope with the grief, but as time goes on, the less hope I have for any reconciliation to happen. In the meantime, I'm trying my hardest to stick with the NC. It truly is the only way to go. You have to keep telling yourself that. It is hard and if you have to cry, cry. In fact yesterday, I was by myself bawling my eyes out because I miss him so much. It feels good to grieve--it gets all the negative energy out. I felt much better afterwards, but still the heartache is still there. I know over time this will get better. I have my good days and bad. But the key thing is to focus on yourself and your healing and not worry about him. There is nothing that you can do at this point except to move on.
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