Lilly Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I was wondering if it would be okay to contact an old boyfriend that I dated a while back (a few months)? To say hello and ask if they would like to get together. We did not have a bad breakup. We just decided not to date anymore due to lack of interest on my part actually. Now that I have had time to think, I might like to start seeing them again. Guys do this all the time. Is this bad on my part? Is this something that I should not try to do? I just don't know what the proper etiquette would be. There were a couple of guys I dated that I would like to contact again. I'm just afraid of the rejection.
slubberdegullion Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Sure it's ok, as long as you understand that he'll probably assume that you're wanting to reconnect sexually as well. But if you expect him to be "just a friend," then it's probably not such a good idea.
Rickymoemoe Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 No, No, No, No not that you women will listen anyway, nothing good will come of it for you or future relationships
Author Lilly Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 I don't understand what you mean. Can you please explain why nothing good will come of it. I think people get in touch with people from their past all the time.
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Guys do this all the time. And girls too, IME Is this something that I should not try to do? I don't see why you shouldn't try - the cost of failure (a couple of minutes embarrassment) is way smaller than the potential benefits of success. I just don't know what the proper etiquette would be. Don't talk about dating again. Just ask how he is doing - treat it as a friendly catch-up. If the door is open, suggest meeting for something light like a coffee. Play it from there. I'm just afraid of the rejection. Don't be. Given time to cool down and get distance, most exes will be friendly and curious to know how you're doing. If they're rude, that's their problem.
SmoochieFace Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Guys do this all the time. I have never done this. Exes are exes. Period. No looking back.
slubberdegullion Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I have never done this. Exes are exes. Period. No looking back. Depends on the person, I think. I get along better with my ex-wives (2 of them) now than I did when we were married. Both of them live a long distance away, though, and it's not like I can just pop by for coffee.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 We just decided not to date anymore due to lack of interest on my part actually. Now that I have had time to think, I might like to start seeing them again. Guys do this all the time. Saying "guys do this all the time" isn't an excuse. You miss the friendship maybe, but not HIM and the relationship you had. In his mind it's OVER. DONE. BURIED. Meaning the door is closed now. IF you call him and invite him out you have to say upfront, "just" friends, nothing else because if he still has feelings for you his mind will be thinking other things and hoping...You don't want that, do you? Also, be prepared he may say no. Especially if he is dating someone else. Are you OK with that? It's a doubled edged sword, anything could happen.
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 In his mind it's OVER. DONE. BURIED. Meaning the door is closed now. Have you added telepathy to your considerable list of achievements? Lilly, you don't know what he's thinking until you try the door. Also, be prepared he may say no. Especially if he is dating someone else. Are you OK with that? It's a doubled edged sword, anything could happen Well, of course it's a risk. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Author Lilly Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Thank you all for the good advice. Especially ReluctantRomeo. You helped me get my courage up. I think I am going to give it a shot and see what happens. Yes, I could possibly be interested in a relationship again. We'll see.
slubberdegullion Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Please don't take offence to this, Lilly, but if you had already made up your mind, then why did you bother to post the question in the first place?
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Especially ReluctantRomeo. You helped me get my courage up. Good for you! And thanks Having got your courage up, I'd like to add one piece of advice - play it cool. WWIU was right in that you don't know which way this will go. If you're friendly and light, then whatever he does, you'll come off well IMO. If he's friendly and open, great. If he's friendly and polite, but has a new gf, congratulate him and wish him the best. If he behaves like an a**h***, then laugh it off - at least you know he's not worth pursuing.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Have you added telepathy to your considerable list of achievements? Actually yes and my certificate is hanging on my wall... Yes, I could possibly be interested in a relationship again. We'll see. Ok well, hope for the best, expect the worst. Keep us posted and good luck!
Author Lilly Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Slubberdegullion, I had not already made up my mind at all. I have been thinking about this for a few days and did not know what to do. I needed some advice and opinions from other people on how they might handle it. I didn't want to try and contact someone from my past and then people tell me, Oh you shouldn't have done that! Anyway, thanks everyone.
mini696 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I have done it, and will do it again. Theres no reason why I cant have more friends. And you would have similar interests still (why else would you have dated them in the first place)? Do it.
His Girl Friday Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 So, here's a question no one has put forth yet: How will you feel and/or what will you do if this guy has another girl in his life?
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Actually yes and my certificate is hanging on my wall... Pacific North West?
Rickymoemoe Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 All I'm going to say is she is going to get emotionaly invested in this guy again, she already didn't care enough for him in the past to put other things aside. If he is dumb enough to come back to you, he's never going to really trust you, there will always be that thought in the back of his mind of you leaving again. All I can say is good luck in the divorce settlement/or bad breakup this time. For his sake I hope he as a girlfriend already.
Yamaha Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 All I'm going to say is she is going to get emotionally invested in this guy again, she already didn't care enough for him in the past to put other things aside. If he is dumb enough to come back to you, he's never going to really trust you, there will always be that thought in the back of his mind of you leaving again. All I can say is good luck in the divorce settlement/or bad breakup this time. For his sake I hope he as a girlfriend already. Ditto!! Make sure you don't just want a friendship if you contact them again. If you contact him he WILL assume you want sex as well as friendship. Make sure you know what you want and not are just curious about how they are doing.
Author Lilly Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 No, I would not contact them just to be friends. If I did contact an old boyfriend, it would be what we had before if he wanted that. I have friends already. I am looking for more.
zara Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 I agree with the majority of people here who point out that an ex is an ex and that is it - history. Unless you have kids/ a business or some other binding investment then there is no need for anyone to be in touch with an ex. Like Lily said - you already have friends, so got that covered thanks. And it can cause problems in future relationships for both parties - it just seems really disrespectful.
ReluctantRomeo Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 there is no need for anyone to be in touch with an ex. Like Lily said - you already have friends, so got that covered thanks. Yup. Use 'em then throw 'em away, that's the spirit
Author Lilly Posted November 23, 2005 Author Posted November 23, 2005 Well, if he did have another girl in his life, I would definitely wish him well and move on. I can't believe that some of you people think it is so horrible to contact an old flame. You all are thinking only something bad could come of it.
Jyl_Unit Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 You might want to think about why you are interested again. You said that you became uninterested in him which is why the relationship ended. Why are you attracted to him again? There is always a chance that he is already over you and wants nothing to do with the past, and you need to know that. If you decide to talk to him again, start it off by talking. Find out if he has a gf and if he would be interested in hanging out sometime, maybe with a larger group the first few times? This could send him mixed messages because you were uniterested enough to end the relationship and now you want to spend time with him again. Take your time with this if you are serious about it.
kitkat826 Posted November 23, 2005 Posted November 23, 2005 We just decided not to date anymore due to lack of interest on my part actually. Now that I have had time to think, I might like to start seeing them again. .....There were a couple of guys I dated that I would like to contact again. I'm just afraid of the rejection. Is there something going on currently that's making you feel low or lonely? Often times we reminisce on and want to relive the past when the present isn't making us feel too good.
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