patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Allright, so my ex broke up with me almost a month ago. Mostly over her, dont really care anyways. She hooked up with some MD dude, and appears to be happy, according to some mutual acquaintances. As for myself, Im going out, enjoying myself, taking numbers down and feeling mostly happy! Now, yes I pined over her, was aching for quite some time, but never ever did I say s*** about her to people that we know (did it on the board, but im semi-anonymous right?). But, she is playing the "i hate him" game, just like in high school whith your first relationship, where you would get the dirty looks from across the room. I, on the other hand, am trying to remain distant, keep my dignity, and not say anything, except "if she wants to be that immature, its up to her" and it does get to me a little bit, but not that much. I seriously dont get it. I was expecting that at age 25, women would be ready to settle, be emotionally and psychologically mature. I can't believe that at age 25, you would play those games. What is it that induces this behavior? Immaturity? I always thought that women had the upper hand in this case, that us stupid men would "mature" later than women. Of course, I realize everyone is different, everyone is shaped by their own experiences, but this is just childish. I am trying to reason with myself, not to blow up, not to get pissed at this, but why?
d'Arthez Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Some women are that way. Some men too. Perhaps she is unwilling or unable to blame herself for her part that caused the relationship to fail. Hence the only thing she can do, is blame you. Perhaps she thinks she will get more sympathy from friends, if she engages in these behaviors. Who knows? Don't give too much thought about it. YOur mutual friends will see through it, in time.
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 she just didn't think you were it for her.. I don't think dumping someone that you know there is no future with is immature.. In fact it is mature The actions after/during the breakup decide if they are mature or immature.. Not the break up itself..She is making sure the public breakup fault goes to you not her..that is immature sorry that your hurting.. and be glad that your are no longer with her..
Author patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Thanks guys, I am glad that I am not with her anymore. I guess even after spending so much time together, I am still discovering stuff about this person. I was talking about the after break up part also, like saying I was cheating, that I said things like I didnt love her anyways, all lies to make her look innocent. This is so low, and I just refuse to play this little foolish game. The temptation is there and I wish if I was not so calm right now and respecting the contract with myself about NC, that I would tell her "Be an adult as it takes two to tango". I did mistakes, accept them, but I could say her insecurities didnt help, and so on, but I am over that! I am not even dwelling on what caused the relationship to fail. A sign that she is not over me? Maybe. I sure dont hope that she'll try to contact me. I do not want to get back with her, and will keep NC, without thinking too much about this whole thing...
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 there are normally 2 breakups that happen.. The private one and the public one.. She was making sure that in the public breakup you were at fault.. Nothing you can do.. except walk away.. People generally know what is what about people..
Author patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Thats for sure, I can see the two break up...although, I would never try to do a twisted low blow action like that. One thing you guys can maybe explain to me... Being together, normally, there is some sort of respect for each other, right? Wouldnt the adult thing to do when we walk away from each other is to at least respect the other person, even if we're not together anymore? I know I still respect her as a person, even if we're not together or friends, and will never be again.
JS17 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I was talking about the after break up part also, like saying I was cheating, that I said things like I didnt love her anyways, all lies to make her look innocent. This is so low, and I just refuse to play this little foolish game. Did you give her reason to say these things?
Author patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Nope, we had mainly arguments about her not liking being tied down and feeling like she's missing out, and while I was trying to revive the flame and be more possessive, since I knew that she was backing out. If she had one thing to complain about, it would be me being too clingy about our relationship, not the cheating thing. Ridiculous claims is what I say!
JS17 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Maybe she was just upset that you were able to get over it so easily. Age doesn't necessarily dictate maturity. If I'm not mistaken you also said you were her first LTR. I would imagine that might have something to do with it.
Author patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 1st timers. Not to sound like a complete chauvinistic pig who listens to Tom Leykis, but for once, I agree with him and his whole Leykis 101 principles. Dont really agree with treating them like nothing, but 1st LTR are a pain. Thanks guys for the support!
JS17 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Wow, you sound like a pretty sensitive guy. I can't imagine why she would want to leave.
Author patwheel Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Do I smell sarcasm? I'm a real tender heart. Truly.
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