Chriscreed172007 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Well Me n my ex where going out for 9 months we both loved eachother very much! always talking bout having kids all kinds of stuff it was crazy but I liked it all... She broke up with me once 3 months ago because she was confused and wanted me to see other girl or w.e telling me all this stuff that id meet the right girl cause im a such a nice guy... n stuff blah blah blah but a week later cause i told her my feelings that i loved her still n that i wouldnt give up on her and we got back together and she said she promised she'd never hurt me ever again and we were all happy together for while. She was always talking bout she wanted me to be more serious not play around so much n for this girl id do anything n the world to be with! Idc wat u say bout theres other girls out there im not wanting to listen to that but anyways now she broke up with me again! three days ago n i was sad n depressed n still am she was crying 4 days b4 that n ripped up a note she was gonna give me n said she didnt wanna hurt me so dont ask bout the note... anyways i dont ask her .... but she writes to me sayin she wants to take a break to see wats out there n kiss another guy to see if its how she felt when she first kissed me n i was all upset n so she got upset too n that evening at school she says she wants me back so we go back and next day im at work and n the evening she says that she wants to take a break get her grades up and i get upset and she tells me more that she doesnt remember wat it felt like to flirt with another guy cause we been together so long and all this... so i decided to take a break but then she said that i kept pushing her writing notes bout when we was gonna get back together n all this so the day she broke up with me she writes a note n hands to me n lunch line n it says ( chris goodbye for now) jus reading that made me know wat it was n i was sad n didnt want to eat so she grabbed me n didnt want me to not eat she decided not to eat too then n in the note it said stop bugging her and to leave her alone that she doesnt know when or if we will get back together but that she cant help how she feels bout someone else n that love fades away n that is w/ us n my love for her has not faded n i know her love for me couldnt have cause she said she doesnt wanna be with me right now shes confused but she still talking to that other guy idk what to i want to be with her soooo badly id do anything! someone tell me something..............
here Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 if she was telling you that you should meet other people then please do me a favor and do this.. i am a girl and when girls say this kind of thing they are telling you that they are done w. relationship ... the more you try to fight it the more its going to hurt because you cant change the way she feels-- the more you beg the more you will look desperate and the more she will push you away. if you still want to be with this girl then first step is to forgive - take some time off - and focus on yourself - i know that is so hard right now but this may be your only way out - especially if she is telling you that she likes someone else.. the more you focus on yourself the less you will think of her and possibly the more she may return to you...if she notices that you are fine without her and you are not calling her constantly this is what will drive her crazy
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 you have to lay off of her, she is really confused and a confused girl will just hurt you in the long run, i know your feelings your in love and you can be blind at times....but you shouldent let her do that to you...let her go to the other guy and you move on, you be the stronger and better person your being to nice..if she told you to find another gf,.......well when i was with my babe i couldent picture those words ever coming out of my mouth.....if she can say that to you than i think her feelings are not as strongly for you as they are for her. and there is nothing you can do about that but except it we all go through tough times. and im sorry you have to deal with someone who is confused:)
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 and she is not the love of your life, she is the love of the time now and though it may feel like it, thats very rare....
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 I remember she still wears my ring i bought her for early christmas present and n still wears my gold necklace that is mine but she knows its my necklace im thinking if she keeps wearing it maby she really does have feelings for me she just wants have that break for now idk..... ???
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 She always said she couldnt bare to see me with another girl b4 she said that n then sayin when we was on break she promised she would never go as far as we have i still wanna atleast try n wait atleast a month thats all !
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 than wait a month but do it with caution , post your updates and i will continue to give you advice:)
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 I talked to her on the phone n she said she wanted me to leave her alone for a lil while n that she'd talk to me when shes ready! N i told her that id wait a month to see wat happens n asked her if she thinks about me still n she said sometimes.... I guess im the negative thing n her life??? i wanna be with her ! I wont give up till a month then i guess all i can do is be friends! n hopefully that time i leave her alone dont see her at school or talk to her she will figure out that she does love me ???? I hope so i pray for it i aint a christian or nun but its the most i can do is pray n its only thing ive ever prayed for since i had luekemia !!!!
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 ill pray for you to, but be strong okay? im going through a tough time to........dont tell this girl youll be waiting, you dont want to wait..do the right thing, i know how it feels:( eh
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 She called me last night telling me that she was giving my necklace back n that we she didnt wanna talk or see me till shes ready and i sadly said ok and then she asked if i remember when i wrote i note that i said i need to get over myself n i said i dont know n she said well i think u need to get over me n i asked if it was over for good n she said chris.... i dont know u cant ask me that she said.. n i then said well promise me u will call when u are ready to talk n she said that she promises. n now i still dont wanna give up i am not blind i know its love that i feel for her n i cant give up because wat happens when i do n she says she does love me n then i dont love her no more it will upset her... n i cant give up on love... idk hopefully me n her were destind to be together n that we will soon or w.e she can break up with me a million times n id still love her!!
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 im sorry your going through this, did you stay home today?.. i did....well there is nothing more you can do, but back off you are being to pushy and thats going to make her go away....let her see what shes loss...okay?
Kengne Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 She called me last night telling me that she was giving my necklace back n that we she didnt wanna talk or see me till shes ready and i sadly said ok and then she asked if i remember when i wrote i note that i said i need to get over myself n i said i dont know n she said well i think u need to get over me n i asked if it was over for good n she said chris.... i dont know u cant ask me that she said.. n i then said well promise me u will call when u are ready to talk n she said that she promises. n now i still dont wanna give up i am not blind i know its love that i feel for her n i cant give up because wat happens when i do n she says she does love me n then i dont love her no more it will upset her... n i cant give up on love... idk hopefully me n her were destind to be together n that we will soon or w.e she can break up with me a million times n id still love her!! 1st of all - how old are you? 2nd of all - relax, relate & release. This is NOT the end of the world as you know it. If she is asking you to leave her alone and NOT to contact her - THEN PLEASE RESPECT HER WISHES and DO SO! Contacting her when she has SPECIFICALLY asked you NOT to will only push her further away. THis is not about you 'giving up on love'. It's about you respecting her wishes... and respecting YOURSELF... and letting go of the fact that :1) you CANNOT control how she feels towards you & 2) you CANNOT control what is going to happen in the future !!!! She may very well come back in 1 mth saying she's sorry and wants to be with you... OR NOT!!! The point is - there is no point in worrying over events that have yet to happen. You will have to deal with that scenario IF and WHEN it arises. Until then - go on about your life. No one is saying to forget her or give up on love - but hun you DO need to move on! NC will help you objectively re-evaluate the rel'ship. She is not the 'love of your life' as you have not even lived life fully! There could be an even greater love out there - who knows??! So just respect her wishes... get busy with your life... and take it one day at a time. Trust me - the pain gets easier w time. You WILL survive this and look back one day and think "Wow - I can't believe i ever felt that crazy!" Good luck! K.
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 I am 17 and n shes 15 thoe am i stupid but i know i love her i know i dont wanna control her i know i wouldnt want to ever make her do sum she didnt want to do as i told her that b4 but i mean i cant give up on her jus n case n the future we do get backtogether the worlds crazy....
brittanyjean259 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 wow im 17 to, just calm down, i know the pain your going through its hard i know whats your aim sn? i can talk to you on there sometimes thanks
brittanyjean259 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 i will take your wise words in to consideration too......it feels like now for me because this is all i new for 3 years.....it feels kinda traumatizing....even if i tell my self, " listen to every ones advice"..." it will get better"....."your so young"......thats when i realize wait a second i cant be feeling better this feels like totalllllllll SH*T ah
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 my aim screen name is chriscreed172005 Yeah so far i havent i been jus mostly listening to wat i thinks best to do n not give up but not bug her too thoe i jus wish i could show her that she still loves me to get one more kiss or sumthin wat u think i should do n aim me plz
Kengne Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I am 17 and n shes 15 thoe am i stupid but i know i love her i know i dont wanna control her i know i wouldnt want to ever make her do sum she didnt want to do as i told her that b4 but i mean i cant give up on her jus n case n the future we do get backtogether the worlds crazy.... OMG y'all are 17?? Britanny ... Chris.... I hate to say this AGAIN but OMG YOU ARE SO YOUNG! and THIS PAIN YOU ARE FEELING IS SOOOOOOOO TEMPORARY. You will get over this!! I only WISH I could be that young again (i'm 22 btw). People have told you... and me... that I'm young too, and I have a whole life ahead of me. PLEASE BELIEVE THEM, as the SAME DEF APPLIES TO YOU! K.
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 i know but the pain is still the same, comeone almost a 3 year relationship, we break up 3 months ago...he gets a new gf and now they move out of state.... still a big shock for me i cant help the pain but im trusting what you all say...did you go through this b4?
Kengne Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 i know but the pain is still the same, comeone almost a 3 year relationship, we break up 3 months ago...he gets a new gf and now they move out of state.... still a big shock for me i cant help the pain but im trusting what you all say...did you go through this b4? I've been through WORSE honey. Try this ... 4.5 yr rel'ship (from age 17 - 21)... the Love of My Life (AT THAT TIME)... yes, he took my V too... come to find out THIS FEB that not only had he been cheating on me 24/7 with over 20+ DIFFERENT ppl... but the last girl he messed me was 7 MTHS PREGNANT with his soon to be daughter at the time!! I broke it off of course... even tho he still wanted to be with me, but HE KNEW that for me - cheating was a dealbreaker... I was DEVASTATED.... Girl I literally thought my life had ended, right then & there. I could NOT imagine not talking to M (my ex). I could NOT imagine us never being together. I could NOT imagine ever feeling normal again. I could NOT imagine the pain ever going away. I could NOT imagine loving or even LIKING another person again! I could NOT imagine a future without M. It was TERRIBLE. I went through cold sweats... chills... lack of appetite... unable to sleep. I lost 10 lbs.. I lost my sanity. That was 9 mths ago. That pain lasted for about 1 mth... and then I met someone else, R (my most current ex). R and I dated for abt 5 mths... we broke up more than a mth again ... and I sort of went through the same thing, but to a lesser degree bcuz I KNOW how to cope now and I KNOW it does get better w time. SO PLEASE NOW - and TRUSS ME - it does ease up with time. You WILL GET OVER THIS! I AM A SURVIVOR - and so will you be! K.
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 dang man that is BIG! if that had happend to me id probaly have a heart attack! i guess i can be luck to some degree you seem like a quick healer though? are you saying it took you 9 months i understand the time being taken place over a heartache....but if that pain only lasted a month than you are lucky....sorry i like to know peoples" time lines on there life after a heart break lol i know i take all of that, i know this will make me in to the woman i want to be,.... did that not physcologily damage you? thank you
Author Chriscreed172007 Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 I went to school she gave back my necklace n sweatshirt that she normally wears n stuff. n she aint wearin my ring anymore after school i seen her and she kept looking over at me n id look away ... then look at her again.. lol idk i swear what u think cause she kept looking at me b4 i even started lookin at her???? Idc ive had other relation ships n this longest n my first love n i wanna try to atleast bring that all back... i hope that she ends up missing me n does come back n jus says sorry n everything i know theres other girls out there ppl keep tellin me i jus think shes only one for me even thoe she broke up wit me but ill still wait till shes ready to talk n see wat happends .... thx
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 i know your first loves feel like they will last forever, but you will have other loves to, this just feels like right now you need to calm down and let this happen...because it is...it happens to everyone atleast once and it HURTS LIKE crap i know
Kengne Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 dang man that is BIG! if that had happend to me id probaly have a heart attack! i guess i can be luck to some degree you seem like a quick healer though? are you saying it took you 9 months i understand the time being taken place over a heartache....but if that pain only lasted a month than you are lucky....sorry i like to know peoples" time lines on there life after a heart break lol i know i take all of that, i know this will make me in to the woman i want to be,.... did that not physcologily damage you? thank you Yes - I am a quick healer. I could not have imagined being depressed over my ex for longer than 1 - 2 mths, TOPS. No - it did not take 9 mths, cuz I met a guy ® abt 1 mth after the break-up. And 2 mths later, we became official. Was it a rebound? In my opinion - no. I genuinely liked & was attracted to R, and it felt WONDERFUL! And no - R was not the first guy I dated after M... but he was my first rel'ship after M. However this past Oct (after 5 mths) - R broke it off with me because he needed time alone to deal with his 'issues'. He just recently told me that those 'issues' revolved around 1 person - my ex M (the cheater!). R said he felt very frustrated, and like a 3rd wheel in our rel'ship, bcuz M was still a big part of my life even after all the crap he did to me. Now ... after almost a month with little to no contact, R and I are trying to 'start over from scratch' and are taking things slow. So in fact, I've been through TWO breakups this year already! AND TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: No I am not psychologically damaged after EITHER breakup. Both breakups have only made me STRONGER, if anything. I honestly believe in letting go, and letting God. If R and I are meant to be - we will! If not, such is life. I will move on as I moved on from M. I know the Lord only has my best interest at heart, so any pain I go through is for a reason.. a test somewhat. Keep your chin up! K.
Brittanyjean06 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 your posts are a big help, letting go and letting god, i think of it like that, i try of course but i let my emotions get in the way too much of time and it hits me with a big bag of rocks sometimes, but the pain will make you stronger...and thats who i want to be a strong person...... i want to grow from this, and i wish i was a quick healer such as your self..and maybe eventually i will be...but pain is pain and i will keep my chin up:) i did pray to god of us never gettin back together....so i guess i should have been careful for what i asked for...but it says alot..i know whats best for me, my family and friends do to... life can be hard, but thanks for the advice ! and i will keep my chinn up haha
Kengne Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 your posts are a big help, letting go and letting god, i think of it like that, i try of course but i let my emotions get in the way too much of time and it hits me with a big bag of rocks sometimes, but the pain will make you stronger...and thats who i want to be a strong person...... i want to grow from this, and i wish i was a quick healer such as your self..and maybe eventually i will be...but pain is pain and i will keep my chin up:) i did pray to god of us never gettin back together....so i guess i should have been careful for what i asked for...but it says alot..i know whats best for me, my family and friends do to... life can be hard, but thanks for the advice ! and i will keep my chinn up haha Aww... no problem girl! Emotions are healthy. But they become unhealthy when they consume or control us, as opposed to us controlling them. That was the biggest lesson I ever learnt abt dealing with hearbreak, or anything painful in general! OWN your emotions. CONTROL your emotions - don't let them control YOU! For example, during my 2nd break-up there were a few (and very few I might add) moments where I just broke down and cried. I allowed myself to vent - but only at specific times and for short durations (10 mins MAX). If I had let my emotions run havoc, I could easily have cried each and every single day - all day - that's how bad I felt. More than anything I was also very angry. It got to a point one day where I literally felt crazy - I felt like I could not control my emotions, and thus my sanity. And that's when I said oh HELL NO!!! I started reading up on and doing alot of positive thinking. When I felt like crying I would literally force myself not to cry, and to do other things. I forced myself to think positive, to let go and let God. I realized that alot of the times I was crying was because I kept on wishing things were different... or hoping we would get back together. Basically I was crying in frustration and hurt bcuz 1) things were NOT as I wanted them to be and 2) there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could to make them as I wanted to be! I felt powerless, and out of control. And so I cried. Once I stopped trying to control things BEYOND my control i.e. R's feelings towards me, or us getting back together .... the tears stopped. The anger dissolved. And I took back control of the things I CAN control i.e. my emotions, feelings, thts & mood. It was simply... WONDERFUL! And I know moving forward that no matter how things turnout between R and I... if we are unbable to work things out so be it... it is not and will not be the end all, or be all. I would LOVE for things to work out, I won't lie. And I'm glad that we are 'starting from scratch' and 'taking things slow'. But I keep on reminding myself that NOTHING IN LIFE IS GUARANTEED.... and THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON. So I just go with the flow... day by day... and so should you. Take care! K.
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