lottie Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Well, after thinking that I really didn't need to do it, I told my ex today that I was stopping all contact with him. You can read about my sad, screwed up story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t75243/ I realized that if I kept on talking to him, he would keep on taking and taking from me, and he would never give anything back. Just like during our entire relationship -- it was always about him and his emotions; I was always the stoic, supporting one. Even the breakup was all about his emotions. We've had so many tearful conversations and email exchanges, and it took until now to realize that every second I talk him is another step away from me regaining my health and happiness. It is utter insanity for me to extend any tiny bit of myself to him anymore. He's already taken far too much from me. But it's so hard...the paradox of NC is that you're hurting so bad, and the only thing that will make it better is to contact your ex, and contacting your ex will only prolong the hurt... Last night I went out to my favorite hipster bookstore, and, like a sign from the heavens, they were playing the most perfect song, "Thorn in My Side" by the inimitable Eurythmics: Thorn in my side. You know that's all you ever were. A bundle of lies. You know that's all that it was worth... I should have known better But I trusted you at first. I should have known better But I got what I deserved... To run away from you Was all that I could do. To run away from you Was all that I could do. Thorn in my side. You know that's all you'll ever be. So don't think you know better 'Cause that's what you mean to me... I was feeling complicated. I was feeling low. Now everytime I think of you I shiver to the bone...
patwheel Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 A good song to start NC on is Whitesnake-Here I go again Be strong, and most importantly focus on yourself!
Apathetic Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Good Luck!..It will probably be hard to mantain NC but Im sure youll do fine:)
Apathygrip Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Ya NC is fun......I'm 3 weaks in a NC situation after a 3 year relation. Lifes a moving train though and it moves with or without you, so just keep fighting. it truly is the healthiest way to go and I'm feeling like 100% better everyt day:)
freckles3131 Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Day two for me...I left a msg. on his voicemail. Telling him I realize he is sucking me dry....that he is toxic to me, that I have tons of people who love/like me unconditionally and that I would rather surround myself with....that I have been there for 5 yrs.(as a g.f and then as a friend) helped him in all ways that I could, stepped up to the plate for him time and time again...only to get sh#t on in return, or...the bare minimum....told him do not call/text/email/inquire about my personal life through our mutual friends...etc..told him to get some therapy...he needs it. But, I am DONE.....My thoughts are this...."I" need to CHOOSE to NOT put myself in his life and thus CHOOSING a healthy life for me...If I am not in his life...he can't use/hurt/take advantage of/utilize me when he "needs a fix"/security boost or because he knows I am "there" and I do believe that is the only reason he goes out of his way at all....because I am the only constant/one that is always there to help him/pick up the pieces/and just always.....there......so, as sad, difficult, disapointing it is to accept after all these years.....it's what I want and need. He is not worth another moment of my time/thought/emotion.............too many people out there that will give me back waaaay more........and give me respect, caring, loyalty, friendship that I give to them.....without a hidden agenda/dysfunction/insecurity issue that needs fixing or an ego that needs stroking.....his loss.....BIG TIME..he is so messed up/has no clue/talks the talk/in denial/insecure/selfish..........THAT is NOT someone worth having in my life............so if you need to chat, shoot me a private msg. sounds like we are in the same situation.....screw that, we are much better than them......accept it.......aknowledge it....know it....and put that past behind you........
Clevelandfan Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 That is a great attitude freckles! I wish I had your mindset. I'm getting there though. Slowly. You can read my thread and see all the crap I've been through, but I still feel some loss in spite of it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t71927/ As you will see,..and I can honestly say,...she was the worst woman I have ever had a realtionship with and possibly,..ever met. You are much further ahead in the healing process, but I'll get there. I deseve someone who appreciates me for my character and who I am too.
Author lottie Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 Yeah, sing it Freckles! : "Thorn in my side, You know that's all you ever were.."
freckles3131 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 Yeah, sing it Freckles! : "Thorn in my side, You know that's all you ever were.." I'm singing baby, I'm singin'!!! The cool thing about this site is when I have doubts or feel bad about a moment in my day when I think of him...I just go on here and re-read what I wrote to REMIND myself.....Stick to that mentality!!! The more I say it, the more I read it, the more I read stuff from you guys...the more it will STICK! It ain't easy, but I AM WORTHY!!!!!!!!!! I AM A GOOD HEARTED WOMAN!! I AM UNIQUE!!! I AM SPECIAL!!! Say it to yourself everytime you feel like caving or feel bad..........................I am proud for making my decision...I am not a disposable item...I am someone to be cherished.......Can I get an AMEN in here?!?!?! Life is too damn short guys!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will all look back at this down the road and say, "What was I thinking?!?!" I just know it!!!
freckles3131 Posted November 22, 2005 Posted November 22, 2005 That is a great attitude freckles! I wish I had your mindset. I'm getting there though. Slowly. You can read my thread and see all the crap I've been through, but I still feel some loss in spite of it. but I'll get there. I deseve someone who appreciates me for my character and who I am too. Yes, I feel some of the loss as well.....a loss for the person I THOUGHT he was and could be......it was all a mirage.........we NEED to be with the likes of the people on here!! Caring, REAL, loving, honest, trustworthy...someone who appreciates us...for us....end of story. Maybe there should be a forum for matchmaking on here??? Hmm...might be a good idea? Seems most of us are pretty good eggs.........
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