The Dave Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 So the love of my life gf broke up with me a while ago. I'm still head over heels in love with her but I'm un-imaginably angry at her too. She has pushed the friends issue two or three times since we broke up but I know I can't be around her and not be with her. Being realistic, of all the things I want right now, I know that the only one that is actually within my grasp is to hurt her to try and make her feel atleast some of my pain. Now I'm stuck to make the decision of basically cutting her out of my life and telling her that I want her out of my life for good (that will hurt her) and never see her again. Or.. To continue being friends for the sake of keeping each other around but ultimatly causing myself more bad then good. I need to know if this is stupid or reasonable. Also, I know that I am a bitter and pety person.
westernxer Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Just cut her out of your life. It's the only way to heal. If she hurts, so what. Sometimes you have to worry about you.
Kengne Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 So the love of my life gf broke up with me a while ago. I'm still head over heels in love with her but I'm un-imaginably angry at her too. She has pushed the friends issue two or three times since we broke up but I know I can't be around her and not be with her. Being realistic, of all the things I want right now, I know that the only one that is actually within my grasp is to hurt her to try and make her feel atleast some of my pain. Now I'm stuck to make the decision of basically cutting her out of my life and telling her that I want her out of my life for good (that will hurt her) and never see her again. Or.. To continue being friends for the sake of keeping each other around but ultimatly causing myself more bad then good. I need to know if this is stupid or reasonable. Also, I know that I am a bitter and pety person. Hello hun! You need to walk away from her... not to punish or hurt her (tho she will most likely feel hurt)... but for YOUR OWN GOOD. I was in your ex gf's shoes. I did not want to let go of my ex, even though I no longer wanted to be with him. I knew that like you, he did not want to be friends. But I insisted, because I was subconsciously trying to punish him for cheating on me. I'm ashamed... bcuz in the process I stunted his healing. 8 mths down the road he is still not over me... bcuz he continued to be in my life as a friend. Even worse... he was ultimately the cause of my new rel'ship ending, bcuz my new guy did not understand why he was still in my life after all the crap he did to me. So take it from me - do not be friends with your ex if you KNOW you cannot and DO not want to be friends. It's not fair to you. Please take care of you - cuz no one else will. K.
bab Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 I agree with the others, begin friends with an ex rarely actually happens, so don't feel obligated. Healing is important, and you need to move on.
patwheel Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Buddy of mine was there. He and his ex are friends, however, that is after 5 yrs the break up. Before that it was a war zone whenever they would be around each other. You can be friend with her, but after you two are totally over each other, and comfortable being around each other.
Just Visiting Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I agree with Patwheel, it takes a loooong time and healing before you are able to be friends with an ex. I had a LDR between '01-02, it was tough and he hurt me alot. The following two years we tried to be friends but we fought and argued. It was emotionally exhausting. Months would go by before one of us would breakdown and re-initiate contact. Things would be okay for awhile, then we would argue and the cycle continued. For some strange reason, we kept trying. We both moved onto other relationships, and after each attempt at being friends, it got better and better. I re-initiated contact him with back in January, since then, we have become really good friends. He gave me advice and support when I was having troubles with my ex-bf, and I did the same for him. He has expressed regret in letting me go but realizes that it won't happen again. We have been able to develop trust and respect again. I am totally over him in the romantic sense, and I truly value his friendship. It was a hard, long road to get to where we are. I broke up with my current ex two months ago. I am still hurting and angry and realize that it is going to be a long haul before I can be friends with him. There is always the possibility, but like I said, you need to heal and be totally over him before you can do the friendship thing.
JayKay Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 I think it's possible to be friends with an 'ex', but usually only in certain circumstances; * You were never in a 'serious' relationship, so feelings never developed beyond a certain point for either of you * You were in a serious relationship at one time, but both 'fell out of love'....and still like each other as friends Oftentimes, after a breakup, things are 'unequal' for a time being. Sometimes they remain 'unequal' permanently. It takes quite a bit of maturity on both sides to sustain a true friendship, without an agenda on either side. If you honestly cannot be friends, then cut her out and move forward. It will be difficult, but it sounds like the only way for now. Perhaps in a few years, you CAN be friends. But sometimes you need time and space before that can happen.
Author The Dave Posted November 21, 2005 Author Posted November 21, 2005 It takes quite a bit of maturity on both sides to sustain a true friendship, without an agenda on either side. Are you suggesting that I'm imature through all this? Also, neither of the two circumstances you mentioned are applicabe.
omegaRED Posted November 21, 2005 Posted November 21, 2005 Ummmmm.... I think he`s trying to say that until both of you have no romantic feelings whatsoever for each other, you cannot be true friends.
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