crizix Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Hey, i'm a first time poster with a concern that probably comes up a lot. I never really had a problem with pornography in the past. I enjoy watching it and used to watch it with my boyfriend, recently it has become a problem for me. In the past i've had some insensitive boyfriends who said hurtful things to me without thinking in refrence to porn, but it never bothered me till now. My boyfiend is my best friend and we talk about everything, we dont tend to argue on difference of oppinions too much but lately porn is a subject that upsets us both. Instead of knowing he is just getting off to it, i feel he is punishing me with it. On one occasion i attempted to tell him how i was feeling about porn use and we got into a big arguement and he said i was just insecure and selfish, then went to the store to get a porn video because he didn't think i would want to have sex. This hurted me because he obviously didn't know me as well as he thought he did and i felt disrespected that he'd want me to talk about something im vulnerable about and then be insensitive about it. I don't really know why i am so insecure about it, i am a fairly attractive 18 year old and watch it, but it makes me sick to know he does. I feel like he is cheating on me, its not that they are prettier than me, i do feel less desirable but i think its just because its now a subject i avoid when talking with him. he became very secretive and now i think my lil problem has turned into an obsession. its just the thought that he searches for chicks on the internet, i understand he has a sex drive but so do i, and when we are together he sits on the computer and plays video games, i could almost say im more jealous of his computer than his porn use:laugh: . well we get along most of the time, latly ive been kinda down about this and other things, just wondering if anyone has any advice or a different outlook on this. I really hate feeling this way and feel a little silly for letting it go this far, but maybe i'm just looking at it the wrong way.
Sarah12385 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 Well if he's using the internet to find other women, as in using dating sites, then obviously something's wrong with that picture, and maybe it'd be best to rethink your relationship with him. If you can give yourself pleasure with porn and you do, then why can't he? If he'd rather look at porn when he is *with* you, and do things by himself, then I don't think that's fair to you. It has to be equal on both sides - like I said, if you can watch porn and he's ok with it, it should be fair on his side too, but if he takes things too far, you should talk to him about it. If you're looking for more repsect when it comes to that, then tell him that's what you want/need. Don't let something silly like porn get in the way between you two, it's not worth it ~Sarah~
Author crizix Posted November 20, 2005 Author Posted November 20, 2005 they arent dating sites, he chats with them online and they send him their home made videos and there were screenshots of those yahoo msger webcams. i dont really think i would mind too much if he didn't look for his favorite stars by name and stuff. i would like to watch it with him again but the last few times we were fighting and it made me uncomfortable. any ideas on how/if i should bring this up to him? when i get defensive im just insecure. also i have another question, showing and looking are equal? i don't really know how you'd compare the two, but some girlfriends of mine were saying if he's looking at other girls then it wouldn't be wrong to show other guys. i personally would prefer showing over looking for myself, and for my partner, though i can't really put that on him.
Sarah12385 Posted November 20, 2005 Posted November 20, 2005 I must've misundersootd your original post, I didn't know he was looking at non-porn star type women. Well, I wouldn't be having any of that. I would be pissed hehe. I know so many people who have ended up with broken hearts because of *porn*, which I think is rediculous. What I mean when I said that showing and looking are equal was that if you're aloud to look at porn, and it's ok with him, then he should be able to watch also, but again, I misunderstood your original post. ~Sarah~
Kenyth Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 He's crossed the line and is being an immature, insensitive, selfish a**h***! He's concentrating on an inconsequential fantasy and ignoring his real relationship with you. He needs to GROW UP! I don't care if he's just playing video games. Ignoring you is WRONG and he may lose you for it. If he keeps acting immature, give him a wake up call. Leave him for a while and let him see how his computer serves as a companion. He has a responsibility to you and he needs to live up to it. If he's yet too immature to give you the level of respect you deserve, you need to find another boyfreind. That's what dating is for. If one isn't working, you move on. Don't tie yourself to a lost cause. You'll eventually regret it.
Ladyjane14 Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 Not all pornography is equal. There's a HUGE difference between the two-dimensional quality of voyeuristic porn and the three-dimensional aspects of interactive porn. Don't be afraid to lay down the law when it comes to interactive porn. Nothing but trouble will come from your tolerance of it. It's important to come to an agreement on this issue that is satisfactory to both of you. But you can feel free to DRAW THE LINE at Interactive Porn. Having just experienced a similar situation in my marriage of 20+ years, I can tell you for certain.....those women that your husband is "chatting" with have AGENDAS. Some of those agendas are fairly innocuous, like those who are doing it for the sake of gratifying their need for male attention. But there are also those who are looking for money; women who tell pitiful tales to the men who chat with them about the destitution and abuse in their lives, and make it sound believable. Their goal is to better their lives.....and they don't mind doing it at YOUR expense. The worst are the ones who are looking for love. They pathetically believe that they will find the man of their dreams....looking for porn. It'd be pitiable if it wasn't ruining lives and marriages. The bottom-line though is that ALL of those women have some kind of motivation for doing what they're doing. And every one of the myriad of possible agenda spells trouble for you. Best to steer clear of them. Your boyfriend will certainly accuse you of "freaking out over nothing". He'll get mad and say that you're just trying to control him. He might even break up with you altogether. But if so....you're better off. If he's willing to prioritize cam-whores before you, wouldn't it be better to know it now while you're young and uncommitted? I guarantee you that it's not a pleasant ponderance when you're 20 years or so down the pike.
Blondie445 Posted December 19, 2005 Posted December 19, 2005 Leave him now! Do not do as I did and marry the bastard. They never change an your life will be miserable and your self esteem will go to hell. Get out, your 18 there are a lot of guys out there that are not selfish and who will treat you right.
s-a-m-a-t-h-a Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 i have being going out with lad for about 14 weeeks and he does not go to my school. i have slept with him and then after that he doesent seem to be acting normal around me and then i rang my ex oyfrind who goes to his school and ihave asked him if my boyfriend was going with anyone else and he says yes he is going with emily but i didnt think he was because my ex boufriend still fancied me so i asked one of my friends who goes to his sshool who he was going out with and then he said the person that my ex said and now i dnt no who to belive and i dont no if i should talk to him and if i belvie my boyfriend or i belive my friends
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